First Bout of Wedding Anguish Monday, September 28, 2009

Hey, what's a blog without a little drama, right? Well, for the past week, I've had plenty of internal drama.

So I'm a photographer, and I've been informally studying photography for years. For the past two, I've been seriously into wedding photography. If there's a top name out there, I know it.

But since I can't afford those top names, I started looking for a local & affordable photographer the minute I got engaged. After seven months, I found one. I met him, he was nice, and I booked him.

Sure, there were some shots that needed better lighting. Sure, I would need to process some of the shots. And maybe some of them should have been in black & white. But it's okay. He's been in lots of magazines. He's world class. He gets good reviews! And besides, I don't need any of those high-class photographers. What would they do with someone like me, anyway?

This conversation went on in my head for weeks. The truth is, for some strange reason, I was totally intimidated by the idea of hiring one of the best. They kind of scared me. And I was somehow unable to fully admit how incredibly important photography is to me. I just didn't want to face up to it -- the wedding is one event, over in one day, and every decision counts. Especially this one.

Once the original photog cashed my check, it really hit the fan. I started seeing his blog posts, and the photography has actually gotten worse. Technical issues galore, allowing strange people to second-shoot... it was awful. Finally, after one weekend looking at wedding photog's sites and thinking, "Wow, I'll never get a shot like that from _____," it was time to make a choice.

And I've decided to fire my photographer. I feel awful... we'll be walking away from our 25% deposit (and I hope we don't owe anymore), and I feel terrible that my lack of self-esteem and poor judgment led to such a money- and time-wasting decision. But at least it's not at the expense of my wedding photos.

I also want to add that this guy is a wonderful photographer, for many happy clients a year. But just not me. I've realized that I want a style of photography that he just doesn't offer, and my technical picky-ness isn't a reflection of his talent. But in order for me to be happy, I have to move in a different direction.

Making that decision gave me the most peace I've felt in weeks.

And now we start again...!