Wedding Wednesday... whoops! Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Is it Wednesday already? This last week of May is always the busiest of the year for me! I'm a teacher and anxiously awaiting the start of summer vacation (next week), when Wedding Wednesday will return!

Dress Distress! Sunday, May 24, 2009

I've been dreading the "bridal shopping experience." I know plus sized brides don't have many options, and I've heard all the horror stories of salesladies being mean to us. But I still deserve a nice dress, right? So in a burst of courageousness, I made an appointment at a bridal shop. 

This was a consignment shop, so they had used dresses that could be purchased off the rack. There's very little help from the salesladies and you can go through the racks by yourself to see if there's something you like. I didn't expect to find "the dress" here, but thought the consignment shop experience would be less harrowing than the full-on "bridal salon" nightmare, especially for a first time. 

They only had three dresses in my size, which I expected. So I tried on the first dress. It was a strapless, beaded satin thing. I know I don't want strapless, but I want to try on *everything* before I decide. So I happily put it on. I was surprised to see that the strapless dress seemed to highlight my face, and I realized that my shoulders aren't quite as rounded as I thought. It was nice. When I looked in the mirror, I looked "bridal." I'm not sure if it's because it was the first dress I put on, or because it looks like the archetypal "bridal" image. Hm. I still don't want a strapless, but I suppose I could wear a well-altered one, in a pinch. 

The second dress was a little different. It was the same exact dress, but instead of strapless it had a sheer short-sleeved addition to the top of it. It had a sweetheart neckline, which was more flattering, but I really hated it. I hate short sleeves, and the dress looked like it was 5 years old. Besides, what's the point of wearing a non-strapless dress if you STILL have to wear a strapless bra? Decide if you want sleeves or not! What a weird dress!

There was a third dress, but it was too big and fell off my shoulders, so I couldn't see much. What I did see wasn't worth mentioning. 

Here's what was so difficult. I was the only bride there by myself, and there were three other (thin) girls there with their mothers. My mom lives 2,000 miles away. So I was a little sad. Also, the saleslady kept asking the other black girl's mom what she thought of my dresses. I get this all the time--we had to repeatedly tell her we weren't there together. The saleslady seemed confused; aren't all black people friends with each other? ::::sigh::::. 

The hardest part was watching the thin girls try on dress after dress, all of which looked wonderful on them. One girl, getting married in Italy, wore a beautiful St. Pucchi dress which was on sale for only $2,000. It was hard to watch; me trying on my two disgusting satin concoctions while the others had the run of the store. 

I'd prepared myself for the possibility that there wouldn't be any options, and I knew it would be difficult to see the other, prettier, smaller dresses. But I guess I wasn't prepared enough! It was all I could do not to burst into tears as I drove away from the dress shop. 

The bright spot in all this is that I realized that I look nice; I like what I see in the mirror, I'm happy with the size I am. I deserve a beautiful dress as much as anyone, and I'm determined to find it (in my price range!). I'm thrilled to be getting married, and it shows. I'm going to look great! But for all of my self-confidence, this is still is a little hard. The best news is that after this experience, it will surely get easier from here.

Part 2 of my "dress reality" post is coming soon, and it's a lot more positive!

Dress Developments: Reality Hits Thursday, May 21, 2009

So I've been thinking a lot lately about how I want to look at my wedding, and I started doing some research. As it turns out, many of the dresses I thought were a possibility suddenly aren't.

On average, I wear a size 22/24. Lately, I'm in a 26 (I gained some "stress weight" after a horrible loss last year). In bridal dress sizes, this amounts to about a 30. It's very possible I'll go back to my average size before the wedding, but I don't know for sure, and I'm not going to put my life on hold to find out. So I'm looking for a size 30 (or 32) dress.

Most designers simply don't go up that far. I knew this, but thought I could get the dress custom sized. But then I started looking at the extra fees! For a "street size" 26, here are the bridal equivalents (this is all I've found so far):

Augusta Jones: size 30
- only some gowns
- add 45% of purchase price (?#$#@$%!!!!)

Alfred Angelo
- Every dress available up to size 32, no up-charge.

Allure bridals: size 32
- no upcharge
- hollow to hem add $50

Anjolique bridal: size 28/30/32
- ??

Bonny: size 26/28
- add $60

Casablanca: ??
- custom sizes available for extra charge.

David's Bridal: up to 26
- $100 to $150 extra for sizes 16W-26W

Demetrios: size 26/28
- add $150

Jasmine: size 28, customizable after that
- add $60

Lea Ann Belter: all dresses custom sized
- add ???
- $3000+

Saison Blanche: size 24/28
- add $40

There are only one or two designers in that list whose dresses I like. I'm sure several of the top tier designers (eg. Priscilla of Boston, etc.) will make a dress in any size you want, but I haven't looked those up, as those dresses are likely to be over $5,000.

So I'm faced with some choices here.

I could order a "regular" dress that costs $1500, and then end up paying $2500+ or so with extra fees and other Bridal Industry rip-offs -- and that doesn't even include the cost of alterations! Or, I could order a cheap dress that fits, but isn't anything like what I want to wear. Is there another option?

At this point I decided to look again at a little salon about 3 hours away that custom designs dresses. The brides on their site are thin, and their designs can be a little "out there..." would they be willing to make a simple, elegant dress for a plus sized bride? So, I called them up!

Next: part 2 of my "dress reality," and seeing the first dress that actually made me cry!

Wedding Wednesday: Oleg Cassini CD278! Wednesday, May 20, 2009

This blog comes up in a lot of searches for the David's Bridal CD278 dress, and I'm happy to deliver! Today I saw the wedding of Andrea & Mark on the Southern Weddings blog, and I immediately recognized Andrea's dress as the popular Oleg Cassini ballgown, dress number CD278 from David's Bridal.

Since this dress was introduced relatively recently, I have yet to see it widely photographed, and it hasn't come up in "used dress" sales yet. As far as I know, Andrea is the first bride to be photographed & published wearing this dress. And she is a stunning bride!

Check out how well the dress photographs:











Andrea & Mark's wedding was photographed beautifully by Olivia Griffin, and you can see more details from the wedding at Southern Weddings.

Wedding Wednesday: Ama & Charles Wednesday, May 13, 2009

This week's Wedding Wednesday features the beautiful Akan wedding of Ama & Charles, both of whom are of Ghanaian descent. I found this wedding in Southern Weddings magazine, but more images can be found on the blog of Heartistic Fotos (now known as Mandy & Me).

Of their design inspiration, the couple says: The event was largely influenced by Akan traditional marriage ceremonies, with a touch of outside-the-box creativity. We’re both of Ghanaian origin, particularly of the Akan ethnicity. According to Akan marriage customs, the man’s family has to go to the woman’s family’s home to ask her hand in marriage. The man’s family has to present gifts (pieces of traditional cloth, alcoholic beverages, etc) and pay a bribe price in exchange of the woman. This is purely symbolic and bears little resemblance to a transaction. Our invitations, napkins, and favors all bore the Akan Adinkra symbol for marriage.

I love the photographers' artistic approach to this wedding... now on to the images!

First Bridal Purchase! Sunday, May 10, 2009

I drove all over the place to find the new Nordstrom Rack that was just opened, and there wasn't really anything there. I was disappointed, since it had taken me about an hour to find it (can you believe I got lost, even with a GPS!). But I did find it and on my way out, wandered over to the jewelry section. That's when I found these:



Look how pretty! I was immediately drawn to them. I love the way they catch the light and the way they move & sparkle. They even reflect the purple of the orchids behind them. Of course, I don't have a dress yet--but I do have a very clear idea of how I'd like the wedding to look, and since I have that, I'm letting my intuition guide me when it comes to the little things. How perfect!

The best part? They're only $35, marked 60% off!

Nightmare! Thursday, May 7, 2009

I had my first wedding nightmare months ago, after we were first engaged and I'd just barely started wedding planning. I was already an emotional mess, feeling all kinds of happy & conflicting things as people do when faced with such a major life change!

The priority at the time was selecting a wedding venue, and I just couldn't find anything that seemed "right" for us. I was worried about finding a dress, and the budget, and all kinds of things.

So the nightmare started with the venue. Nothing was done, and I was in my (ugly) wedding dress with my mom and guests were scattered everywhere. The place had a weird red floor, and I was in my dress trying to put linen & table settings out. There were no flowers, since I'd forgotten to order them.

Then, in walks my photographer, Jessica Claire (wow, this really was a dream!). But because of all the chaos, she wasn't even shooting--she was helping us with the terrible mess. And there was a flood in the middle of all this.

Then, everyone was supposed to go upstairs for the ceremony. The venue had two floors, but no staircase! So people were upstairs and floating downstairs or falling outright.

My dress was dirty and in tatters. Everyone started to leave, and after 2 hours, there was no wedding at all. And Jessica Claire walked out (after shooting 2 photos) and said, "Wow, that was easy!" and all I could think was, "Oh no, there went $15,000!"

Unbelievable. I know nightmares are a part of the process, but I know they're not really about the wedding. They're about all the emotion & simultaneous reflection & looking forward that happens during engagement, bla bla bla... but they sure are hilarious!

The dress: Which look? Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I LOVE fashion. You wouldn't know it, since I'm a plus-size, but I love clothes & makeup and girly things. And I am unabashed about it! Unlike what some feminists would have us to believe, it's perfectly okay to be a Single Independent Woman and simultaneously buy into the whole "girliness" thing. I regularly toe the line between cynicism ("The Wedding industrial complex is a horrible fabrication) and a slight irrationality (pink! Oh, so pretty!).

This is especially exciting, since I decided recently to increase my wedding budget. In real life, I am a whiz at getting high quality clothes for less, usually through well-timed sales or using extra discounts or mailing list coupons, etc. But for the wedding dress, that won't be possible--as a plus size, there are hardly no "sample sale" possibilities, and most of the "pre-owned" dresses on the market are sample sizes that have been altered down to even more impossible sizes. So unless I want something from one of the Major Plus-Size Designers (David's, Alfred Angelo, Bonny) I'll have to custom order. :::sigh:::

I'm in love with two different types of dresses. Those with a beautiful, romantic, slightly ethereal feel:

And the classic ballgown look, which is more accessible (easier to find) and most likely will fit better, especially if it's a nice modified A-line and not super poofy (the first one was featured in an earlier post):

Of course, complicating things is that I refuse to wear a strapless dress, which eliminates a lot of my options (no, I don't like the "cap sleeve" Mormon-style dresses--those make my chest look even bigger!).

I haven't been able to find the "romantic/flowy" look in concert with the "non-strapless ballgown" look, so I'll most likely have to give up one or the other. We'll see what happens!

Wedding Wednesday: Zane & Judy

I love looking at the beautiful photos over at project wedding. It's so great to look at the bios of married women and see how their "inspiration boards" and ideas have come together. I liked looking at Zane & Judy's wedding, which was beautiful & classic. Judy is an especially beautiful bride! Photographed by Nataly Lemus. Some of my favorite details:

Blog Discovery of the Week Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Well, I don't know if I'll discover a new blog every week, but it sounds good.

Being added to the list this week is Jessica of An Atlanta Bride, who describes herself thusly:

I'm an Atlanta newlywed who married Mr. Wonderful in March of 2009. When I got engaged, I immersed myself in all things wedding related to ensure that our treasured day was amazing...in every aspect. This blog was created to share all of the details, leading up to the big day, with family and friends...and anyone else who happened to come across this site looking for inspiration! Now, it also showcases how beautifully our wedding day came together.

She's in the process of posting her wedding recaps now. Check it out!



photo by Karen Nickel Photography