Dress Developments VII: Totally Unexpected Monday, January 11, 2010

I scheduled a meeting with the seamstress this week, but in a moment of bravery I decided that I wanted to try one last time to try on actual wedding dresses.

The last time I went to a bridal salon was in the summer. I admit that I'd been swayed by the horror stories of other plus size brides who were instructed to stand in their underwear and hold a dress up to them (?!), and other atrocities. But I was armed with a new determination and a more fearless attitude. I'd heard good things about Alfred Angelo, and thought I'd give them a try.

As it happens, one of my MsOH lives nearby, and when I called her 30 minutes prior to the appointment (that I'd just made) to tell her I'd be in the area, it turns out she was free for the day and came right down to the salon to help me!

The woman on the phone was extremely helpful and friendly when I spoke to her and asked about sizes, so I was very encouraged. We went in, and the saleslady asked me what styles I wanted to try on. I told her that I'd never been to a salon where I had more than one or two options, so I told her the style I thought would work for me. But I fully intended to take the advice from Weddingbee brides, who always say to try on things you don't think you'll like, so I told her I was open to anything!

And now for the necessary warning:

source

First, I tried on a dress that I thought was a sure thing: Alfred Angelo's 1148. Asymmetrical draping, off-the-shoulder... everything that had been recommended for a bride of my shape. Here it is:

Whoops! Can we say, "too much fabric?" So much for the draped look. And the off-shoulder neckline does frame my face nicely... but it makes my shoulders look even more sloped. The first word that came to mind when I saw this was "sausage." What a nightmare. Moving on.

We tried on a couple more, mostly dresses that I won't picture here or I pulled off as soon as I put them on. I just wasn't sure... until we tried on this one, the 2024. I'm not planning to wear any color with my dress, but the sash can be changed. Here it is:

Here's where it gets interesting: I always said I'd *never* wear strapless. But it's quite the improvement over the 1148. My shoulders get to show whatever shape they have, my upper back isn't nearly as "puffy" as I thought, and I like the clean, plain top. It's a little "princessy," though. Let's try another one!

Here's the 830. Simple and clean, and the fabric is very pretty in person; the satin almost looks like dupioni. I like this one the best. Keep in mind this dress is one or two sizes too small.

Hey, look! I have a shape! Eri took some pictures with my pro camera, and you can see how luminous the fabric is. Clearly above my expectations for Alfred Angelo (sorry to any AA fans out there)!

Cool! I have a profile, even.

So, I came away from the shopping trip and learned a few things.
- I am not worried about strapless. I like my shoulders; it's my arms that I'm self conscious about. But my arms will look the same whether my dress has straps or not. So, who cares?
- NO DRAPING of any kind. Plain & simple!
- A wrap-style top is definitely the way to go to soften up my giant bustline.
- Waist definition is great!
- A plain A-line skirt looks *awesome*.
- I still want to have my dress made. Even if the 830 were ordered in my size, it's not quite perfect for me. 

I'm so glad I made those phone calls, both to the salon and to my MOH. I'd always wanted that bridal dress shopping experience, and I finally got it. I was always sad that I couldn't go dress shopping with my mom and expected to go it alone. But I'm so glad MOH was there to take lots of pictures and be encouraging! What a great friend. Incidentally, MOH understood exactly how I felt. Two years ago, she also shopped for her wedding dress alone. Her mom lives in Japan, much farther away than mine.

Next up? What will I do with all this knowledge? I meet with the seamstress this week...!

Dress Developments IV: The Seamstress & The Sketch Sunday, August 16, 2009

Just before the last disastrous meeting with a seamstress, there was another! That's right, two bad meetings in a week. But something good came of it.

I found this seamstress by looking up a local fabric store that professed to house dressmakers. I called them up and they were nice enough, and gave me the phone numbers of some seamstresses. Two of the three numbers they gave me were no longer in service, so I scheduled a meeting with "Mary."

I brought several pictures to show what I was looking for. As I talked about my dress, she kept trying to steer me away from what I described and toward a dress that would be easier to make. I started to worry that what I had in mind wouldn't actually happen, and that I wasn't describing it clearly enough.

We looked at the fabric store to see what they had. I have a fabric picked out, and the store only had a few versions of it. I also wanted to add some beaded lace, but I would have to buy it elsewhere and smuggle it in, as the store only had a few dated, unattractive examples.

In general, Mary was very sweet and nice, and very interested in me & my dress. She reminded me of the stereotypical grandmother that's been altering wedding dresses for many years. When I mentioned that I could email her some photos later, she told me that she has no email. She also let me know that she is extremely conservative.

She was shocked that I, a plus size, did not plan to cover my arms. She was also surprised that I am not getting married in a church. And you should have seen her face upon learning that I do not plan to wear a veil over my face! Luckily, I didn't let it slip that I plan to walk unescorted down the aisle; she might have popped her top!

And there's another thing. While Mary was taking my measurements, it was obvious she had no idea how to deal with me, at one point exclaiming, "You're such a big girl!"

Right.

So a few days later, I called Mary to let her know I wouldn't be getting the dress made after all, and thanked her for her time (she knew in advance that this was an "interview" of sorts, so there were no surprises there). I'd absolutely recommend her if you only want alterations. As far as creating a pattern from scratch, though, I was a little concerned.

From this meeting, I learned that (a) the dressmaking process is a potentially intimate one, and you should really like your dressmaker. Mary's ultra conservative views and especially her "you're so big!" comment rang in my head for days, and I didn't want to feel like that at every dress fitting; (b) I really needed to be more explicit about what I wanted.

That second one stuck with me, and as soon as I got home I started thinking about my own dress design. That's right! I designed my dress!

Wedding Wednesday: Video Wednesday, July 8, 2009

My fiancé thinks it's funny how, every time I see a well done wedding video, I want to burst into tears! I've gotten a little tired of the usual wedding inspiration (too many outdoor weddings! When will the wedding blogs start featuring something else??) and wanted to watch some videos. These are great for putting things into perspective and focusing on what's really important -- the emotion of the day! And yes, I cry every time I see these! Here are some favorites from Still Motion.

link + ngoc's sde // san jose california from StillMotion on Vimeo.

Lisa + Jeff's SDE from StillMotion on Vimeo.

Wedding Wednesday: Outdoor Goodness Wednesday, June 17, 2009

When I saw Jessica & Zach's engagement portraits, I knew I wanted to blog their wedding -- and here it is, photographed beautifully by the incomparable Sarah K. Chen. There are so many details I love about this wedding, especially now that I'm considering an outdoor affair myself (see previous post). Also, my fiancé & I are also an interracial couple and I can't help but admit a little bias!

Check out the beautiful bride:




Do you recognize her dress? It's Melissa Sweet's Dora. I love those little polka dots... it just adds to the very sweet theme of this wedding.

Here's the stunning indoor & outdoor setting.



The little details were great and so thoughtful. I've been thinking of doing this flower/placesetting thing...


And of course, no matter how sweet the little details are, you have to let loose at a wedding! Every couple needs someone to take the lead & keep people moving on the dance floor!



I wasn't considering offering sweets at the end of the night, but shots like these make me think twice. Or maybe I'm just really craving chocolate right now...



Congratulations to Jessica & Zach!

Dress Distress! Sunday, May 24, 2009

I've been dreading the "bridal shopping experience." I know plus sized brides don't have many options, and I've heard all the horror stories of salesladies being mean to us. But I still deserve a nice dress, right? So in a burst of courageousness, I made an appointment at a bridal shop. 

This was a consignment shop, so they had used dresses that could be purchased off the rack. There's very little help from the salesladies and you can go through the racks by yourself to see if there's something you like. I didn't expect to find "the dress" here, but thought the consignment shop experience would be less harrowing than the full-on "bridal salon" nightmare, especially for a first time. 

They only had three dresses in my size, which I expected. So I tried on the first dress. It was a strapless, beaded satin thing. I know I don't want strapless, but I want to try on *everything* before I decide. So I happily put it on. I was surprised to see that the strapless dress seemed to highlight my face, and I realized that my shoulders aren't quite as rounded as I thought. It was nice. When I looked in the mirror, I looked "bridal." I'm not sure if it's because it was the first dress I put on, or because it looks like the archetypal "bridal" image. Hm. I still don't want a strapless, but I suppose I could wear a well-altered one, in a pinch. 

The second dress was a little different. It was the same exact dress, but instead of strapless it had a sheer short-sleeved addition to the top of it. It had a sweetheart neckline, which was more flattering, but I really hated it. I hate short sleeves, and the dress looked like it was 5 years old. Besides, what's the point of wearing a non-strapless dress if you STILL have to wear a strapless bra? Decide if you want sleeves or not! What a weird dress!

There was a third dress, but it was too big and fell off my shoulders, so I couldn't see much. What I did see wasn't worth mentioning. 

Here's what was so difficult. I was the only bride there by myself, and there were three other (thin) girls there with their mothers. My mom lives 2,000 miles away. So I was a little sad. Also, the saleslady kept asking the other black girl's mom what she thought of my dresses. I get this all the time--we had to repeatedly tell her we weren't there together. The saleslady seemed confused; aren't all black people friends with each other? ::::sigh::::. 

The hardest part was watching the thin girls try on dress after dress, all of which looked wonderful on them. One girl, getting married in Italy, wore a beautiful St. Pucchi dress which was on sale for only $2,000. It was hard to watch; me trying on my two disgusting satin concoctions while the others had the run of the store. 

I'd prepared myself for the possibility that there wouldn't be any options, and I knew it would be difficult to see the other, prettier, smaller dresses. But I guess I wasn't prepared enough! It was all I could do not to burst into tears as I drove away from the dress shop. 

The bright spot in all this is that I realized that I look nice; I like what I see in the mirror, I'm happy with the size I am. I deserve a beautiful dress as much as anyone, and I'm determined to find it (in my price range!). I'm thrilled to be getting married, and it shows. I'm going to look great! But for all of my self-confidence, this is still is a little hard. The best news is that after this experience, it will surely get easier from here.

Part 2 of my "dress reality" post is coming soon, and it's a lot more positive!

Dress Developments: Reality Hits Thursday, May 21, 2009

So I've been thinking a lot lately about how I want to look at my wedding, and I started doing some research. As it turns out, many of the dresses I thought were a possibility suddenly aren't.

On average, I wear a size 22/24. Lately, I'm in a 26 (I gained some "stress weight" after a horrible loss last year). In bridal dress sizes, this amounts to about a 30. It's very possible I'll go back to my average size before the wedding, but I don't know for sure, and I'm not going to put my life on hold to find out. So I'm looking for a size 30 (or 32) dress.

Most designers simply don't go up that far. I knew this, but thought I could get the dress custom sized. But then I started looking at the extra fees! For a "street size" 26, here are the bridal equivalents (this is all I've found so far):

Augusta Jones: size 30
- only some gowns
- add 45% of purchase price (?#$#@$%!!!!)

Alfred Angelo
- Every dress available up to size 32, no up-charge.

Allure bridals: size 32
- no upcharge
- hollow to hem add $50

Anjolique bridal: size 28/30/32
- ??

Bonny: size 26/28
- add $60

Casablanca: ??
- custom sizes available for extra charge.

David's Bridal: up to 26
- $100 to $150 extra for sizes 16W-26W

Demetrios: size 26/28
- add $150

Jasmine: size 28, customizable after that
- add $60

Lea Ann Belter: all dresses custom sized
- add ???
- $3000+

Saison Blanche: size 24/28
- add $40

There are only one or two designers in that list whose dresses I like. I'm sure several of the top tier designers (eg. Priscilla of Boston, etc.) will make a dress in any size you want, but I haven't looked those up, as those dresses are likely to be over $5,000.

So I'm faced with some choices here.

I could order a "regular" dress that costs $1500, and then end up paying $2500+ or so with extra fees and other Bridal Industry rip-offs -- and that doesn't even include the cost of alterations! Or, I could order a cheap dress that fits, but isn't anything like what I want to wear. Is there another option?

At this point I decided to look again at a little salon about 3 hours away that custom designs dresses. The brides on their site are thin, and their designs can be a little "out there..." would they be willing to make a simple, elegant dress for a plus sized bride? So, I called them up!

Next: part 2 of my "dress reality," and seeing the first dress that actually made me cry!