The foundation of it all Sunday, February 7, 2010

My mother always said (why do so many wedding-related posts use that sentence?) that your foundation garments are more important than any clothes you put on top.

She would be astonishingly embarrassed to find out that for the past several months I've been wearing a bra that barely fits. It doesn't lift, separate, or support, and it looks awful and worn out. I've been trying to order new bras for months, both for everyday wear and for the wedding, and I haven't had any success.

But Thursday, when my most recent shipment arrived only to not fit properly (again!), I got mad and frustrated. FH, hearing my complaints, got online and found me a local specialty bra shop. I don't know why I didn't think of this; probably because I didn't want to deal with being fitted and having to show my so & sos to some strange shop employee.

But desperation overruled my shyness, and I went to the shop, got fitted, and came out $110 poorer, but with TWO custom-fitted bras in hand. After a bit of a wait, I received excellent service. The ladies are very nice, if a bit awkward, and they have a custom seamstress on staff. My bras needed two darts in the sides, and she put them in for free while I waited. I must admit that I'd never even considered custom-fitting a bra.

My only complaint is that I wish I'd found the shop months ago... I could have saved so much money & frustration if I'd just been more willing to be a little embarrassed for a few minutes!

Engagement shoot redux. Monday, December 28, 2009

So we've recently come back from our engagement photoshoot in Chicago. Our photographers were every bit as wonderful in person as I anticipated, and it was fun to work with them. I loved the city, and we had a wonderful trip. We even stopped in Memphis on the way back and saw some museums.

I don't plan on using the photos for much; I hope to have a couple of shots for our wedding website, maybe one to frame in the house, one to display at the rehearsal dinner... and that's probably it. But coming away from the shoot I was worried about several things.

I never really found a coat to fit me. I kept ordering coats, but I have a lot of returns to process -- nothing worked. After we got to Chicago, a city where a stylish coat is practically mandatory, I found that there were many, many choices in my size -- but by the time I arrived, they were all gone. :( I ended up wearing my own camel colored pea coat, which only looks good open. But it was so cold that I had to close it, which means it looked weird.

I ended up having to wear my hat, which I purchased and didn't really intend to wear. A snowstorm that wasn't in the forecast ended up making things very cold and very wet -- and in several of the shots, I ended up wearing this little funny hat. I do not wear hats. I wish I had spent more time thinking about my accessories!

The aforementioned snow meant that we got very little pictures of my makeup & hair which I had worked hard on.

The good news: I was not worried about any of this during the shoot, which is great -- an uncomfortable subject ruins the shot, no matter how stylish! I imagine we got some good shots of us playing in the snow. We had a great time and FH insists that my little hat is adorable. (?)

Because I love blogging so much, and am so confident in my low readership, I'll post this picture of me, taken during our engagement shoot! While walking around, we spied this spectacular snowman and I asked FH to take a picture of it with his cameraphone. My students had just learned a song about snowmen, but most of them have never seen one! He even has a real carrot for a nose. This is down by the Chicago River, where it was super cold and windy!



There's nothing to do but wait & see... but I do wish I was better prepared. Oh well!

A trip, a photoshoot, and a deadline Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's almost time for us to leave for Chicago and I'm super excited. This week, I decided to tackle several things (maybe too many!).

I decided to meet with the last few vendors I can before the holidays. It has just hit me that our six month countdown is fast approaching. I figure many girls will be getting engaged over Christmas and New Years' (like I was) and will want to plan their summer weddings! I decided I'd better get on it and met this week with both a wedding planner and an officiant.

Also, and perhaps more immediately, I needed to figure out what makeup I'll be wearing. Lately my skin hasn't been looking so good; ever since I quit using Mary Kay skincare about two years ago, it just hasn't been as bright and has been full of blemishes. After a few disastrous trips to the MAC store and to Sephora, I finally settled on a combination that, in a few short days, has made my skin look better than it has in years.

My face was looking ashy in pictures, and it turns out that my super-dry skin wasn't being exfoliated enough. I also needed some photo-worthy foundation with a fair amount of coverage.

I wash with Dr. Susan Taylor's RX for Brown Skin, the "Bright & Even" wash. I tried it years ago, but it was a sample and I couldn't afford it then. When the Sephora consultant suggested exfoliation, I thought of it right away. The cleanser is about $25 and it's definitely worth it! I only use it in the morning; too much exfoliation can bother your skin.

The moisturizer in this line just isn't enough for me, so I use L'Occitane's Ultra Rich Face Cream, but only once, in the morning (because at night it's just too heavy to sleep in). FH remarked right away how much softer my face felt. How nice!

For makeup, I use the highly recommended combination of the Smashbox Photofinish Primer (colorless) and Makeup Forever's HD foundation in shade 175.

At night, I use a drugstore-brand facial wipes with a light moisturizer.

I could have added a concealer and some other stuff, but I'm just not worried about it -- I don't expect too many close-ups from our photographer, and to me it's more important to take care of what's under the makeup before worrying about anything else. At the very least, I am getting my skin in shape for the big day!

Other than the makeup drama, I'm just packing like crazy and looking forward to a great time in the very Windy City!

But what will I wear? Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Ever since we hired our photographer, who is based in Chicago, I have really gotten more interested in the city. I've always loved big cities and the allure they hold; the convergence of people & culture... and I'm excited to visit a place I've only heard about in near-mythical terms.

Well, I'll get my chance -- in about three weeks, we're having our engagement pictures done - in Chicago! The area I live in (Dallas) is no slouch in the "city" department, but it will be so much fun to visit a new place. We'll be having our pictures done somewhere downtown, which I imagine will be decorated beautifully for the holidays. It might even be snowing!

Since FH has ties to the area (he went to grad school there) and I am just excited in general, we've decided to make a little vacation of it. We've planned a couple of activities to do and hope to hang around and see how the locals do it. So many things to plan: hotels to book, plane tickets, what to do with the cats while we're away, booking a pre-photoshoot hair appointment, figuring out WHAT TO WEAR.

I am someone who gets *very* cold, so being cute while freezing is just not on my agenda. I have to come up with some way to be stylish and photogenic while keeping warm. Since I'm in the market for a new coat anyway, I might as well incorporate it into my look!

I have a couple of inspirations. One is this lovely engagement-in-the-snow portrait (plenty more beautiful shots where these came from):

I love the white coat in the snow. Of course, part of the drama of this shot is the falling snow, which I have no idea whether we can replicate. But she looks nice. Here's another, more dramatic shot (different couple, different photographer):


Yesterday, I found this paparazzi photo from jezebel.com:


I like this look very much. While I don't think I want my fiance to attack my ear to buy a printed coat, I love the casual structure of this look, the way the scarf fits, the sleek gloves. It helps that I love her hair as well. This is a good example of how I'd like to look... but without the ear-biting guy, thanks.

So, now I need a coat. I love the look of a light color, because I know photographically I'll just disappear in black. I fell for this Old Navy coat. It was perfect: a good length, some waist definition, the little pockets, the fabric across the back... but when it arrived it wasn't nearly as flattering as it appeared.




The length was all wrong (it fell halfway between my calves & my ankles), the waist was too high, the sleeves didn't fit. I ordered two sizes; one was too small, and one was too big. Back to square one!

I found this military coat at DrJays.com, which bills itself as an "urban" clothing store:


Not sure if it's what I'm after, since it only comes in black. But I love the cut & the length. There's certainly plenty of structure there! I also love that Dr. Jays' plus size section features one model, and it tells you what size she's wearing in the picture. So helpful!

Then I found Avenue.com, which features Jessica London coats. Jackpot! My three favorites:



My only complaint is the length. I'm not nearly as tall as these models! Of these three, my favorite is the walking coat (shown in camel; I'd get gray), with the tweed coat a close second. I love those open necklines!

For accessories, I'm thinking some pretty drop earrings, a scarf in a beautiful face framing color (maybe a dark pink, to go with the gray coat and my brown-ish hair) & gloves. Add my jeans & a sweater, and I'll be set!

How much thought did you put into your engagement portrait outfit?

Verily, Vera Thursday, October 29, 2009

I'm not quite a die-hard fan of Vera Wang's wedding dresses, but I am a fan of Vera herself. I remember when the Lifetime channel was getting into the wedding-tv craze, they would air a biography of her every so often, and I watched it nearly every time it was on.

When I heard her describe her latest line on the Martha Stewart Show "wedding" episode, I thought it seemed uninspired. What bride wants to look like her dress just came from the washing machine??

But when it comes to individual dresses and ideas, Vera's thought process is so interesting. The other day, yet another celebrity was married in a custom Vera. Ivanka Trump's beautiful dress got lots of people thinking twice about how beautiful & sexy one can be... without showing everything! Ivanka is pictured below, with her dress inspiration, Princess Grace.

A small but vocal number of brides (and photographers, and seamstresses, I'm sure) have been lamenting the recent strapless craze, and just today Vera reported that she is "tired" of strapless dresses. Amen! I can't *wait* for this trend to move along, and for sleeves (or, coverage in general) to be seen as a beautiful option instead of being relegated to the un-sexy, the dowdy, the über-traditional.

Of course, Ivanka is a recent convert to Orthodox Judaism, and presumably decided on sleeves for this reason. But what if that wasn't the reason? Currently, several of the articles describing her dress are quick to make the excuse, almost as if to say, "Well, she could have been sexy, but her religion got in the way."

Yes, we liberated women don't need to trumpet our chastity down the aisle. But wouldn't it be even more progressive if we acknowledged the complexity of both? That one doesn't have to choose, that you can be both sexy and tasteful at once, that maybe your sexiness lies in your decision to be tasteful? That maybe there are other things to be on your wedding day besides sexy?

In this video, Vera talks through her process for Ivanka's dress, and makes some interesting points regarding chastity, class, and modesty in wedding dresses. She also throws out the idea that not too long ago, it would never have been proper for a woman of a higher class to wear a revealing dress. Imagine that!

Dress Developments pt. II: So Sweet Monday, June 1, 2009

In my last post on the subject, I mentioned being frustrated that getting a dress in my size wouldn't be as simple as I'd originally thought. What illuminated this for me was the cost-benefit ratio; with the extra fees, I'd be paying for something that was *almost* like what I wanted, but not quite. And what's the point of that?

So I finally called this designer shop that makes dresses, one-of-a-kind and designed from scratch. Apparently you meet with the designer, get measured, and she sketches three selections for you. Once you choose one, they make the pattern, you try on a muslin mock-up, then they make the dress! And that's it!

With this particular designer, dresses start at less than $2k, and go up from there depending on what you want. No extra charges for a plus size. And, most important, she sounded incredibly competent and helpful when I spoke with her by phone. A custom dress, reasonably affordable--what a great opportunity!

At this, I went back to the drawing board. No longer was I limited to looking at dresses purely for shape or "ease of use," I could look at anything that inspired me. It only took me about 5 minutes to find my dream dress, as I went back to a designer I'd loved early on but dismissed because I "can't wear" her dresses: Melissa Sweet.

I already love the organza look, and I mostly love the sense of movement the fabric creates. So here is the dress I love (I encourage you to click the link so you can see the movement of the dress):



I love the spirit of this dress. This is the first time I looked at a dress and could actually picture myself getting married in it. I love its sophistication, its subtle sparkle, and of course, the fabric. If this were my "inspiration," I would modify the dress to replace the strapless neckline with a v-neck, and adjust the shape to be a modified A-line instead of a mermaid. It is really the unconventional embroidery & organza that make this dress what it is.

But honestly, I'm open to other ideas. I love ALL the dresses from Melissa Sweet, and if I had the body and the cash, I'd be thrilled to wear any of them. My other favorites:





This next one deviates from my "classic shape" idea, but it's *so* interesting and artistic, I can't resist!


This custom dress thing isn't like those ubiquitous Chinese shops, where you can show them something and say, "Design this!" I think it would be kind of insulting to dictate another designer's vision, but it's nice to know for sure what my inspiration is, so I will have something to show the design lady.

Do you have a designer whose vision inspires you?

Dress Developments: Reality Hits Thursday, May 21, 2009

So I've been thinking a lot lately about how I want to look at my wedding, and I started doing some research. As it turns out, many of the dresses I thought were a possibility suddenly aren't.

On average, I wear a size 22/24. Lately, I'm in a 26 (I gained some "stress weight" after a horrible loss last year). In bridal dress sizes, this amounts to about a 30. It's very possible I'll go back to my average size before the wedding, but I don't know for sure, and I'm not going to put my life on hold to find out. So I'm looking for a size 30 (or 32) dress.

Most designers simply don't go up that far. I knew this, but thought I could get the dress custom sized. But then I started looking at the extra fees! For a "street size" 26, here are the bridal equivalents (this is all I've found so far):

Augusta Jones: size 30
- only some gowns
- add 45% of purchase price (?#$#@$%!!!!)

Alfred Angelo
- Every dress available up to size 32, no up-charge.

Allure bridals: size 32
- no upcharge
- hollow to hem add $50

Anjolique bridal: size 28/30/32
- ??

Bonny: size 26/28
- add $60

Casablanca: ??
- custom sizes available for extra charge.

David's Bridal: up to 26
- $100 to $150 extra for sizes 16W-26W

Demetrios: size 26/28
- add $150

Jasmine: size 28, customizable after that
- add $60

Lea Ann Belter: all dresses custom sized
- add ???
- $3000+

Saison Blanche: size 24/28
- add $40

There are only one or two designers in that list whose dresses I like. I'm sure several of the top tier designers (eg. Priscilla of Boston, etc.) will make a dress in any size you want, but I haven't looked those up, as those dresses are likely to be over $5,000.

So I'm faced with some choices here.

I could order a "regular" dress that costs $1500, and then end up paying $2500+ or so with extra fees and other Bridal Industry rip-offs -- and that doesn't even include the cost of alterations! Or, I could order a cheap dress that fits, but isn't anything like what I want to wear. Is there another option?

At this point I decided to look again at a little salon about 3 hours away that custom designs dresses. The brides on their site are thin, and their designs can be a little "out there..." would they be willing to make a simple, elegant dress for a plus sized bride? So, I called them up!

Next: part 2 of my "dress reality," and seeing the first dress that actually made me cry!

Wedding Wednesday: Oleg Cassini CD278! Wednesday, May 20, 2009

This blog comes up in a lot of searches for the David's Bridal CD278 dress, and I'm happy to deliver! Today I saw the wedding of Andrea & Mark on the Southern Weddings blog, and I immediately recognized Andrea's dress as the popular Oleg Cassini ballgown, dress number CD278 from David's Bridal.

Since this dress was introduced relatively recently, I have yet to see it widely photographed, and it hasn't come up in "used dress" sales yet. As far as I know, Andrea is the first bride to be photographed & published wearing this dress. And she is a stunning bride!

Check out how well the dress photographs:











Andrea & Mark's wedding was photographed beautifully by Olivia Griffin, and you can see more details from the wedding at Southern Weddings.

First Bridal Purchase! Sunday, May 10, 2009

I drove all over the place to find the new Nordstrom Rack that was just opened, and there wasn't really anything there. I was disappointed, since it had taken me about an hour to find it (can you believe I got lost, even with a GPS!). But I did find it and on my way out, wandered over to the jewelry section. That's when I found these:



Look how pretty! I was immediately drawn to them. I love the way they catch the light and the way they move & sparkle. They even reflect the purple of the orchids behind them. Of course, I don't have a dress yet--but I do have a very clear idea of how I'd like the wedding to look, and since I have that, I'm letting my intuition guide me when it comes to the little things. How perfect!

The best part? They're only $35, marked 60% off!

The dress: Which look? Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I LOVE fashion. You wouldn't know it, since I'm a plus-size, but I love clothes & makeup and girly things. And I am unabashed about it! Unlike what some feminists would have us to believe, it's perfectly okay to be a Single Independent Woman and simultaneously buy into the whole "girliness" thing. I regularly toe the line between cynicism ("The Wedding industrial complex is a horrible fabrication) and a slight irrationality (pink! Oh, so pretty!).

This is especially exciting, since I decided recently to increase my wedding budget. In real life, I am a whiz at getting high quality clothes for less, usually through well-timed sales or using extra discounts or mailing list coupons, etc. But for the wedding dress, that won't be possible--as a plus size, there are hardly no "sample sale" possibilities, and most of the "pre-owned" dresses on the market are sample sizes that have been altered down to even more impossible sizes. So unless I want something from one of the Major Plus-Size Designers (David's, Alfred Angelo, Bonny) I'll have to custom order. :::sigh:::

I'm in love with two different types of dresses. Those with a beautiful, romantic, slightly ethereal feel:

And the classic ballgown look, which is more accessible (easier to find) and most likely will fit better, especially if it's a nice modified A-line and not super poofy (the first one was featured in an earlier post):

Of course, complicating things is that I refuse to wear a strapless dress, which eliminates a lot of my options (no, I don't like the "cap sleeve" Mormon-style dresses--those make my chest look even bigger!).

I haven't been able to find the "romantic/flowy" look in concert with the "non-strapless ballgown" look, so I'll most likely have to give up one or the other. We'll see what happens!

Notes on Martha Stewart's Wedding Show Thursday, April 16, 2009

I was so excited to get the chance to see the Martha Stewart Show special on *weddings*! The audience was full of excited brides-to-be and each audience member got some great swag to take home. Lucky them! Here's a rundown:

Vera Wang: I haven't been an automatic fan of Vera's work, but I love her attention to detail and admire her work ethic. It's nice to hear an artist speak of her creations, and this is no exception. This year's bridal collection was inspired by ballgowns in general, but in her bid to re-invent them, says she fashioned the gowns as if they had been "tossed in the wash machine and are a little imperfect." Interesting. For more realistic ideas, she shows a beautiful "wedding-guest" dress from her Kohl's department store line ($78) and a mid-priced (at $2500!) red evening gown. Everyone in the audience gets a bottle of her latest fragrance and some of her notecards.

David Mann: He decorates a wedding "for less" with baby's breath and tulle. I am not a fan of this look for *everything*, but it is certainly creative for a few elements here & there. I do like the hanging shiny butterflies that he shows in a photo. Not sure how I'd use them.

Recently married Frédéric Fekkai discusses hair matching your dress. He & Martha agree that hair MUST be shiny, bouncy, and natural. Brides that are "laquered to death" are unnatural. No laquer, ladies! Frédéric shows some very glamorous, uncomplicated styles and describes how to pull them off yourself. He reminds brides to start thinking about hair after they've purchased a dress, so at least 6 months out from the wedding.

J'maal Buster: The Eyelash Guy. Personally, I have two words about false eyelashes: Do it! They're an easy way to add some subtle glamour to your face. People won't know *why* your eyes are suddenly so beautiful, but they can't help but stare! He introduces a great tool for putting on your false eyelashes. I'm skeptical. They should have had one of the audience brides try it.

Celebrity Bridal Q&A Panel: All the show's guests answer audience questions. The camaraderie between Vera (someone who usually appears outwardly reserved) and Darcy & Martha is nice to watch. It's obvious that weddings are their passion. Some interesting points:
- Don't sweat the small stuff. When you are stressed about some small detail, remember your husband! This is repeated ad nauseum, but it's important.
- Your guests are the most important thing on the day of your wedding--even more important than you! I like this one.

So, that's the story on this year's Spring Wedding Special on the Martha Stewart show. Of course, you can indulge yourself with obsessively perfect wedding details as often as you'd like on her wedding website.

Wedding Wednesday: Liara & Antonio Wednesday, April 15, 2009

This week's wedding is a private ceremony photographed by the incomparable Elizabeth Messina. I love the simplicity of this wedding, the natural setting, and the bride's beautiful hair. I saw a post on Weddingbee about natural hair, and I think this is a great example. Accessorized with a flower, Liara's hair is lovely and perfect for the occasion.

Great Non-Strapless Dresses Thursday, April 2, 2009

I wonder why the trend in bridal fashion is a style most people can't wear. Strapless dresses are NOT universally flattering, and I've been working hard to explore non-strapless (yet still sleeveless) options. I have a few favorites:

Lazaro style 3701. I love the modified A-line shape, the flattering V-neck, and the lace detailing. Retails for about $3,500.


Casablanca style 1895. I swore I wouldn't wear anything with pickups (still not sure about that), but this one photographs well. Check out this real bride in it. In the $1,500 range.


Next up is David's Bridal/Oleg Cassini, CD278. It's an incredibly simple and beautifully cut dress. I also apprehensive about buying anything from David's Bridal, but am willing to test my luck. A personal favorite, I have yet to see many brides wearing this (although many talk about trying it on). Relatively inexpensive at $750 ($850 for plus sizes). Maybe in the upcoming year we'll see some "real brides" wearing this one:

I'll confess; these (well the last two, anyway) are my top contenders! My personal figure "issues" are plus-sizedness in general, a big bust and a big stomach (and a relatively smaller waist). I wonder if one of these will do the trick for me.