Putting Planning into Perspective Sunday, June 28, 2009

This weekend I came across two articles that help me put wedding planning into perspective.

Which shade of pink? Which venue? How to arrange the tables? What about my dress? None of this matters nearly as much as the marriage itself.

This week's NYT wedding features Jennifer & Paul, who joined their families together in a lovely ceremony this week in Sacramento, CA. The article and its accompanying sidebar are worth a read.

What was I thinking?! Sunday, June 21, 2009

Well, my outdoor wedding dreams have been put to rest.

This past weekend, we went to the historical site, the site of the photo in the previous post, and it was a let down. The buildings are run down, the fee is outrageous for what you get (and you have to PAY for air conditioning), the parking & restrooms are far away (a big inconvenience for guests, many of whom are elderly) and it's just not going to work.

And also? It's SO HOT!! It feels like it's 200 degrees outside. What was I thinking, hoping for a sunset ceremony in Texas in July? I can't stand the heat for 5 minutes! And I want to wear a wedding dress and get married in it? No, thank you! I guess I've been reading too much Martha Stewart.

On the way from that place, we stopped by a very cool loft south of downtown. The director was there setting up for a wedding, and I felt terrible for interrupting! But she was gracious enough to spend a few minutes with us and give us a tour. How nice! It looks so interesting:






It's a pretty cool venue, and has an advantage over most lofts in that they provide lounge furniture, tables, chairs, and set-up. We have the other advantage of choosing our own caterer and getting to buy our own drinks. The Fiancé loves it and was ready to book!

But I am not so sure. A loft certainly seems to fit us. We're a pretty eclectic couple, we plan to have international music at our wedding. We love travel & culture. We watch international & independent films. Our favorite store is Anthropologie. There are so many ways we are not "mainstream." So there are definitely aspects of us that match a "cool loft" wedding.

So why is the decision so hard? Well, I am having a hard time letting go of that classic pink ballroom wedding aesthetic. I mean, it's so easy! Light pink is everywhere! Pink ballroom weddings are ubiquitous, and I see hundreds of them every day. It's easy to find a classic A-line romantic dress, perfectly pink swirly invitations, and lots of other traditional details. Not to mention it's the wedding I've pictured since I was much younger.

All this time I've been loudly decrying the sameness of these cookie-cutter weddings, and now I find that underneath it all, I want one of my own, even if it doesn't quite match us.

Should a wedding reflect your personal style, or should it be a reflection of what you aspire to? The latter seems absurd, especially since no matter how you "style" it, an American wedding is at once timeless, ritualistic, and yet hopelessly dated.

Stay tuned! I bet when you started reading this blog you didn't know I'd turn out to be so wildly inconsistent!

Wedding Wednesday: Outdoor Goodness Wednesday, June 17, 2009

When I saw Jessica & Zach's engagement portraits, I knew I wanted to blog their wedding -- and here it is, photographed beautifully by the incomparable Sarah K. Chen. There are so many details I love about this wedding, especially now that I'm considering an outdoor affair myself (see previous post). Also, my fiancé & I are also an interracial couple and I can't help but admit a little bias!

Check out the beautiful bride:




Do you recognize her dress? It's Melissa Sweet's Dora. I love those little polka dots... it just adds to the very sweet theme of this wedding.

Here's the stunning indoor & outdoor setting.



The little details were great and so thoughtful. I've been thinking of doing this flower/placesetting thing...


And of course, no matter how sweet the little details are, you have to let loose at a wedding! Every couple needs someone to take the lead & keep people moving on the dance floor!



I wasn't considering offering sweets at the end of the night, but shots like these make me think twice. Or maybe I'm just really craving chocolate right now...



Congratulations to Jessica & Zach!

One door closes... Tuesday, June 16, 2009

So, our chosen venue has fallen by the wayside.

David & I originally envisioned a lovely, outdoor/indoor wedding (outdoor ceremony at sunset + indoor respite from the heat), somehow natural & glamorous at the same time. But I couldn't find too many outdoor/indoor venues, and the one I thought was the most beautiful is way too expensive ($9,000 minimum--for a weeknight!).

So we settled, and found a nice new ballroom just south of the city. They hadn't done too many weddings yet, but it was a great looking space and we certainly would have been happy.

Until it was time for the contract. This place has an incredibly vague contract which doesn't spell out ANYTHING. What time is the event? Will the staff help set up, and how far in advance? When can my vendors come in? What is included in the price? Believe it or not, all of this was left out of the contract and when we asked questions, we were rebuffed or told, "What do you mean? It's in the contract!" Unfortunately, I think the nice girl that worked there just doesn't understand contracts well, or didn't understand why we'd want these things spelled out.

Then there was the food. We went to a tasting there, and didn't like it. We realized we had a problem when we started joking about making sure the guests didn't get food poisoning at our wedding. So we've started looking again!

And, since we were given an opportunity, I decided to go back to the very beginning of wedding planning, when we came up with our indoor/outdoor summer wedding vision, and decided to look hard to find it. In the meantime, I came up with a picture that we love and find inspiring:



Of course, I don't want to get married in a stable (unless it's a particularly beautiful one), but I do love the idea of something glamorous in a rustic setting. I told my fiancé that this seems like the perfect combination of us -- he loves the outdoors ("being in the dirt," I call it) and I love things that are glamorous and pretty and maybe even a little sparkly. He liked this and so do I, and it feels like "us."

I went to the website of the above stable to see if they actually had any places onsite to host a wedding. I never got an answer, but if I ever get the courage to try horseback riding, maybe I'd have a chance to visit. It's a beautiful facility! The magazine article also featured this picture:



I certainly like the first table setting better, but this certainly looks like a nice indoor/outdoor setting, with the old building in the background. A little digging around showed that this is the church at Old City Park. And yes, they do have weddings! They have a lawn for the wedding and a nice pavilion for the reception. Could this be the facility for us?

For more inspiration, I found this beautiful California barn wedding that wonderfully embodies this "rustic glam" idea. I hate design clichés, but this one really seems to describe us.

There's even more indoor/outdoor wedding inspiration in this week's Wedding Wednesday post...

Push Me, Pull You Friday, June 12, 2009

I've been a little agitated because negotiations with our intended venue seem to be a bust. Each time we talk with them, we end up with more questions than answers. We love this place and want to make it work for us.

So I jumped online to look at some backup options (being prepared to walk away, whether you state it or not, is always a good bargaining chip) and found some great ideas, and then got sidetracked by--what else?--wedding photography.

I remembered what I always promised I'd do while planning my wedding, and that is to focus on what the wedding is all about. As long as our guests are happy, and we're happy, and there's good music, good food, and good photography, what else matters? It could be in a barn or in the rain and as long as we have these things, it will be a wonderful & memorable wedding.

Here is the shot that helped me remember that (taken while the bride says good-night to her mom):

How Sweet...

How sweet is this engagement shoot from photographer Jonathan Canlas?

Wedding Wednesday: Carmen & Cory Thursday, June 11, 2009

Carmen & Cory are a beautiful couple who had a fun & creative wedding last summer. They incorporated bright colors and hats into the wedding, and it appears a great time was had by all. The setting is particularly beautiful.

But the image from this wedding that stayed with me, months after I first saw it, is this one of the beautiful, confident bride dancing with her husband:


I think this image speaks for itself, but you can see more at the Orange Girl Photographs blog, and at the Bride's Café.

Bridal Industry vs. Intelligent Thought Monday, June 8, 2009

I'm sure lots of us have conflicting feelings about our desire to stay sane while simultaneously participating in an *insane* Wedding Industrial Complex. The Secret Sociologist offers her thoughts on this in her post, "A Sucker for the Bridal Industry."

Of her love for Bridezillas, she writes:

This show is particularly awful; it perpetuates horrible stereotypes, most notably the White Trash stereotype, but also the “Oh No She Di-in’t” Angry Black Woman stereotype and, new for this season, the fiery hot-Latina stereotype. It’s particularly cruel. And still, I watch. The women are abusive and mean — and fascinating. Most of the time, I turn the show off in the middle because it’s so awful. But I still patronize it. Horrible!

What does it say about women when we buy into the Bridal Industry? Are we all, no matter how intelligent & thoughtful, susceptible to the Wedding Industrial Complex? And, why, much to the chagrin of the feminists, do we treat marriage as an exclusive club to which we have FINALLY gained admission?

What is he thinking? Thursday, June 4, 2009

For all of you wondering what your father is thinking about during this wedding planning process, look no further than Poor Wedding Dad. My own father passed away nearly 10 years ago, and I still miss him (and Father's Day is coming up!). Still, I love to listen to/hear these different perspectives. Click over to Poor Wedding Dad, relax and have a laugh or two!

Wedding Wednesday: Denise & Philip Wednesday, June 3, 2009

This week's Wedding Wednesday features Denise & Philip, photographed beautifully by Jaxon Photography. Since I'm in a dress-shopping phase of my wedding, I'd love to point out Denise's beautiful, modest, semi-strapless dress. Denise's dress shows that a bride can be beautiful & sexy without a super-low neckline!







Best wishes to Denise & Philip! See more beautiful images at Jaxon's blog.

Dress Developments pt. II: So Sweet Monday, June 1, 2009

In my last post on the subject, I mentioned being frustrated that getting a dress in my size wouldn't be as simple as I'd originally thought. What illuminated this for me was the cost-benefit ratio; with the extra fees, I'd be paying for something that was *almost* like what I wanted, but not quite. And what's the point of that?

So I finally called this designer shop that makes dresses, one-of-a-kind and designed from scratch. Apparently you meet with the designer, get measured, and she sketches three selections for you. Once you choose one, they make the pattern, you try on a muslin mock-up, then they make the dress! And that's it!

With this particular designer, dresses start at less than $2k, and go up from there depending on what you want. No extra charges for a plus size. And, most important, she sounded incredibly competent and helpful when I spoke with her by phone. A custom dress, reasonably affordable--what a great opportunity!

At this, I went back to the drawing board. No longer was I limited to looking at dresses purely for shape or "ease of use," I could look at anything that inspired me. It only took me about 5 minutes to find my dream dress, as I went back to a designer I'd loved early on but dismissed because I "can't wear" her dresses: Melissa Sweet.

I already love the organza look, and I mostly love the sense of movement the fabric creates. So here is the dress I love (I encourage you to click the link so you can see the movement of the dress):



I love the spirit of this dress. This is the first time I looked at a dress and could actually picture myself getting married in it. I love its sophistication, its subtle sparkle, and of course, the fabric. If this were my "inspiration," I would modify the dress to replace the strapless neckline with a v-neck, and adjust the shape to be a modified A-line instead of a mermaid. It is really the unconventional embroidery & organza that make this dress what it is.

But honestly, I'm open to other ideas. I love ALL the dresses from Melissa Sweet, and if I had the body and the cash, I'd be thrilled to wear any of them. My other favorites:





This next one deviates from my "classic shape" idea, but it's *so* interesting and artistic, I can't resist!


This custom dress thing isn't like those ubiquitous Chinese shops, where you can show them something and say, "Design this!" I think it would be kind of insulting to dictate another designer's vision, but it's nice to know for sure what my inspiration is, so I will have something to show the design lady.

Do you have a designer whose vision inspires you?