Everybody Jump! Sunday, January 31, 2010

That's right, the namesake of this blog! It's time to focus a little on the broom. Jumping the broom is a tradition for African-American weddings. Its origins are a bit uncertain, but it's significance is clear.

After the minister has pronounced us "man and wife," and we kiss, and we turn back to the congregation, we'll jump the broom just before we walk back down the aisle. I think it will just be a joyous moment and a great signifier that "we are married." 

I have a vision in my head for this broom, and the feeling that it has to be handmade. It just seems like that type of item. I don't have too many ideas yet, but I do plan to have a basic, "old-looking" straw broom, and decorate it with ribbon, wrap it in a little fabric (maybe some fabric from my wedding dress), and some handmade silk flowers. Here are some pictures (sources are linked):

 

  

 

When it came time to think about it, I was surprised by how emotionally invested I was in this broom. Yes, I'm an American, a Westerner, and in planning a traditional "white wedding" (that term just refers to the dress, by the way) I'm acknowledging that I've absorbed many of society's wedding traditions, and that they resonate with me. But the broom, I guess, is the only tangible evidence we have in the ceremony, the only part that says, "Here is a black woman getting married." I'm very lucky that my fiance, who is white, is as excited about this as I am!

I was also surprised to find myself thinking of it as an heirloom broom. Maybe we'll have a son or daughter who gets married, and wants to jump the broom? Or, in the even nearer future, what if one of my little cousins (I'm the oldest of 8 girl cousins) wants to get married and jump it? The "family broom." What a great tradition!

Chicago! Monday, January 18, 2010

Today I got an email showing that our engagement portraits were up. This is an email I'd been simultaneously dreading and looking forward to since the session last month. I waited for FH to sit with me and we looked at them together.

The verdict? Pretty good! Of the 90 shots given to us after our session, we marked half of them as our favorites. I'm not sure what we'll do with these shots. I plan to put at least one or two on our wedding webpage, and I'm going to order a print or two to display at our rehearsal dinner.

Three favorites from the photographer's blog:

 

 We very much enjoyed the snow! It was unbelievably fluffy and fun to walk on. Here's a shot of me gleefully kicking some snow towards FH. Take that!

 

There are more great shots, but I'm limited to showing the ones from the blog at the moment -- the rest are watermarked and on the photo-viewing page.

After I saw these, I said to David, "Wow, I sure look as though I love you very much!" It's nice to see so many shots of me looking adoringly at my future husband. It felt weird to see pictures of us kissing! And I am still disappointed that I never found the right coat. There are a few shots of me with the coat open (before I got too cold), and I like them -- it's like, "Hey, I have a shape under there!" Oh well. It was all I had. I am very happy that I was able to let it go and relax -- I think it shows in the pictures.

So that's the story of our engagement photos! As soon as I get some more blog-worthy images, I'll post them. I can't wait to show you the shots of our "snow dance!"

Dress Developments VIII: Shopping with the Moms Friday, January 15, 2010

After I decided to have my dress made, and after meeting two unsuitable seamstresses, I was lucky enough to discover the resource that is Fabrique! Fabrics. I went there this summer, met the owner, and was sold! Problem was, I wasn't quite ready to decide what dress I wanted to wear.

Fast forward to this fall, when my mother and grandmother visited me from out-of-state. True, I would never have that "trying-on-dresses" feeling with my mother there, but this would have to do.

My mother is a third generation sewing enthusiast. She learned the craft from my great-grandmother, with whom she spent her summers as a little girl. My mother made many of the clothes I wore as a kid. Old Christmas ornaments, many of my baby clothes, a quilt, and a Christmas dress that I remember being made from a pattern my mom cut out of paper bags. Eventually, we moved too many times and my mother remarked that buying clothes became cheaper than sewing, so I haven't seen her pull out her old Bernina in quite a while.

But I have many great memories of sewing with my mom. The picture at left is the sewing machine my mom used, a Bernina 830 (circa 1979 or so). She'll be happy to emphasize to you that it still works.

When I told her about Fabrique, that it was a couture fabric store that had an entire section dedicated to bridal fabrics, she was so excited! So I made sure to take her and my grandmother, and I felt like I had two experts on hand to help me in this first stage of bridal dress shopping.

The store has a good selection of bridal fabrics; almost any bridal dress fabric you've heard of is there: silk satin, silk dupioni, shantung, mikado, and even a few high quality poly-satins if I remember correctly. Here's my mom checking them all out:

And here's my beautiful grandmother, looking on (and surrounded by trim):

But my favorite is the lace. Lace!!! I don't want an all-over beaded lace dress (although I think they're beautiful), but I want to incorporate lace in some way. The laces at Fabrique range from $50 to over $400 per yard. Some are domestic, some are imported, but every one of them is stunning. Here, the store owner shows a hand-beaded lace, with crystals attached. You just have to click these to see the beautiful lace up close!

Yep, you read the price tag correctly. Here's another...

And this is the one I bought!

I bought some trim, and the beads happen to be nearly identical to this lace. Perfect!

My grandmother's hands rest next to my iPod. I bring that thing everywhere -- it's so helpful to be able to show vendors exactly what I want. I even have a runway video of the dress on my iPod, and it's indispensable. If you look carefully, you can see my sketch in the foreground.

Also in this picture, my grandmother is wearing her original wedding set. I wish I'd taken a better picture. She recently found this after it had been packed away. The set is over 50 years old, as it was given to her by my late grandfather when they married. How sweet!

Despite originally wanting to wear a matte fabric like silk dupioni or radzimir (if I could ever find it), I ended up choosing a smooth, lustrous silk satin. Silk satin is responsible for beautiful gowns like these (click to see the fabric in motion):

Along with the fabric, I chose the beaded lace, and the matching trim. My grandmother decided to buy the dress fabric for me as a birthday present! I am so humbled by this and hope the dress is as beautiful as we envision it.

Dress Developments VII: Totally Unexpected Monday, January 11, 2010

I scheduled a meeting with the seamstress this week, but in a moment of bravery I decided that I wanted to try one last time to try on actual wedding dresses.

The last time I went to a bridal salon was in the summer. I admit that I'd been swayed by the horror stories of other plus size brides who were instructed to stand in their underwear and hold a dress up to them (?!), and other atrocities. But I was armed with a new determination and a more fearless attitude. I'd heard good things about Alfred Angelo, and thought I'd give them a try.

As it happens, one of my MsOH lives nearby, and when I called her 30 minutes prior to the appointment (that I'd just made) to tell her I'd be in the area, it turns out she was free for the day and came right down to the salon to help me!

The woman on the phone was extremely helpful and friendly when I spoke to her and asked about sizes, so I was very encouraged. We went in, and the saleslady asked me what styles I wanted to try on. I told her that I'd never been to a salon where I had more than one or two options, so I told her the style I thought would work for me. But I fully intended to take the advice from Weddingbee brides, who always say to try on things you don't think you'll like, so I told her I was open to anything!

And now for the necessary warning:

source

First, I tried on a dress that I thought was a sure thing: Alfred Angelo's 1148. Asymmetrical draping, off-the-shoulder... everything that had been recommended for a bride of my shape. Here it is:

Whoops! Can we say, "too much fabric?" So much for the draped look. And the off-shoulder neckline does frame my face nicely... but it makes my shoulders look even more sloped. The first word that came to mind when I saw this was "sausage." What a nightmare. Moving on.

We tried on a couple more, mostly dresses that I won't picture here or I pulled off as soon as I put them on. I just wasn't sure... until we tried on this one, the 2024. I'm not planning to wear any color with my dress, but the sash can be changed. Here it is:

Here's where it gets interesting: I always said I'd *never* wear strapless. But it's quite the improvement over the 1148. My shoulders get to show whatever shape they have, my upper back isn't nearly as "puffy" as I thought, and I like the clean, plain top. It's a little "princessy," though. Let's try another one!

Here's the 830. Simple and clean, and the fabric is very pretty in person; the satin almost looks like dupioni. I like this one the best. Keep in mind this dress is one or two sizes too small.

Hey, look! I have a shape! Eri took some pictures with my pro camera, and you can see how luminous the fabric is. Clearly above my expectations for Alfred Angelo (sorry to any AA fans out there)!

Cool! I have a profile, even.

So, I came away from the shopping trip and learned a few things.
- I am not worried about strapless. I like my shoulders; it's my arms that I'm self conscious about. But my arms will look the same whether my dress has straps or not. So, who cares?
- NO DRAPING of any kind. Plain & simple!
- A wrap-style top is definitely the way to go to soften up my giant bustline.
- Waist definition is great!
- A plain A-line skirt looks *awesome*.
- I still want to have my dress made. Even if the 830 were ordered in my size, it's not quite perfect for me. 

I'm so glad I made those phone calls, both to the salon and to my MOH. I'd always wanted that bridal dress shopping experience, and I finally got it. I was always sad that I couldn't go dress shopping with my mom and expected to go it alone. But I'm so glad MOH was there to take lots of pictures and be encouraging! What a great friend. Incidentally, MOH understood exactly how I felt. Two years ago, she also shopped for her wedding dress alone. Her mom lives in Japan, much farther away than mine.

Next up? What will I do with all this knowledge? I meet with the seamstress this week...!

The Most Important Thing Friday, January 8, 2010

My mother and I were invited to a wedding once; it was my mom's co-worker and my mother had heard endless details about this wedding for over a year now. We drove an hour, parked our cars, climbed up a San Francisco hill by ourselves at night and rode an ancient elevator in a questionable building.

We were ushered into a room with no chairs and not enough food, and full of hungry people, and we stayed there -- for two hours. We had no idea what was going on, until we heard someone say it:

"Oh, what a beautiful wedding." What?!


Turns out, this particular bride invited some guests only to the reception, and others to both events. I remember how cheated we felt; especially my mom, who knew this woman. We drove all this way only to miss the point?


Of course this anecdote is related more to the personality of this particular bride than anything else, but I think it underscores the importance of allowing your guests to see you get married, and to feel a part of that experience.
I read something a while back about the wedding ceremony being a focal point of the day itself. (What else would it be? That's the whole point!) The article went on to say that if your wedding ceremony is beautiful and meaningful and heartfelt, and if it draws your guests in, that everything else about your wedding day will flow smoothly.

A few weeks ago, I got a chance to flesh out the ceremony. We met with our officiant, a very nice spiritual lady who has lots of ideas. Almost without thinking, I figured out the elements of our ceremony. It seems like we will have:

- a dedication & brief remembrance of those relatives not with us
- a reading by one of my best friends
- a song performed by my cousin (a violinist)
- vows that we do not write ourselves (but choose in advance)
- an invitation for our guests to bless us in our new marriage
- jumping the broom

To help us, we are using one of my favorite ceremony planning books: The Wedding Ceremony Planner. It's an excellent book, especially if one is not particularly religious.

It is so important to me that our ceremony reflect us in a way nothing else that day does. Falling for my FH, and being with him every day, is one of the simplest things in the world to me. Marrying him is such a natural step for us to take, and we are so happy to do so. I hope our guests can understand what this means for us and share our happiness, and I especially look forward to feeling the encouragement and love of all those who have taken this step before us.

Here is one of my favorite ceremony sermons, at the wedding of Jennifer and Ming. I found this through the Stillmotion blog, and I love the words and the sentiment:



*Updated: I inadvertently posted the wrong video above. It's fixed now.

Dress Developments VI: Mori-Lee me! Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I was flipping through a random bridal magazine* when I saw yet another spread of "How to cover up your plus-sized figure" (I plan to show mine off, thank you very much) featuring a dress that looked strikingly familiar. Then I remembered where I saw it.

During the summer, I decided I would have my dress custom made and sketched a dress that I thought I could wear. Here is the original post. It was a combination of a few other dresses (including Mori Lee's 3032), plus some personal knowledge about what works with my figure (v-neck, ruching, asymmetrical draping, etc.). In the meantime, I purchased some fabric & beading and have set about finding a seamstress.

Then today, I saw this dress in the latest Bride's magazine, and here it is, on the Mori Lee website! My sketches were made and scanned in August, and the earliest info I found on this dress is from October.

The resemblance is, in my opinion, uncanny... but you be the judge (click to enlarge & see my original notes).





*Yes, I have enough random bridal magazines that they are scattered throughout the house! This particular magazine is the January 2010 issue of Bride's magazine, page 54.

We Just Knew [Anniversaries] Saturday, January 2, 2010

A year ago this week, I was getting ready to go back to work after winter break, and my boyfriend and I had just come home from seeing Rachel Getting Married. At this time in our relationship, I was starting to feel like I knew he was "the one," and I was wondering what that would mean for us. I had an idea that he'd felt the same way, as he'd been hinting at it, but I wasn't sure.

Rachel Getting Married isn't really a story about a wedding, at least not on its surface. But it does feature several sincere and heartwarming wedding-related scenes, and by the end of the film, I couldn't help but wonder if this wonderful boyfriend of mine would be with me for our own, real-life wedding scenes. I wanted to know where we were going, but I was afraid to say anything, because I didn't want to risk being disappointed if we weren't on the same page. Actually, I was terrified. But I was doubly inspired because the movie is also about overcoming personal issues & fears. So, later that night, I decided to talk to FH about how I'd been feeling, and it ended up being perhaps the most memorable night of my life.

What started as a relationship talk, casually begun while taking down the Christmas tree, turned into an utterly emotional and somewhat unexpected discussion of how we felt for each other. It turns out that I'd had nothing to worry about. It was soon apparent that our feelings were mutual, and when we realized it, we made the mutual decision to be married. Married! Us! The exact moment might have been a surprise, but our engagement really wasn't. It was like we were just saying out loud the things we'd already known. And from that moment we were together in a way we hadn't been before. We were different.

Things were so informal that I never made an actual announcement. The next day, I called my mother and my two best friends, and we formally told his parents over dinner a few weeks later. I received a beautiful ring in March.

But on the night of our engagement, there was no ring, no bended knee, no asking anyone's permission. Just two people in love, who looked at each other and knew, and decided together. I can't imagine anything more personal or more romantic. Looking back on it now, FH says, "It matches our relationship. It's us."

*Photo by me.