Pink Broom

What happened?

2010-08-08T21:08:00.000-05:00

Whoops! Completely forgot.

Since being accepted to Weddingbee, I created a dedicated blog just for the posts that will be published there. You can visit me on Weddingbee here, or just catch up here.

Oh, how precious!

2010-03-19T10:12:00.001-06:00

I know, I know-- how many times do we need to hear "precious" when it comes to something wedding-related? But hear me out.

Look at these little cakes:

I found them via The Kitchn blog, and they are super adorable. They're made easily via these little pans from Williams Sonoma:

Unfortunately, I never experienced the whole, "all-my-friends-are-getting-married-at-the-same-time" phenomenon that seems to happen to everyone in their mid/late 20s, but if I did, this would be my signature bridal-shower item.

However, I can imagine other uses for it: that time you're asked to bring something to a work wedding shower (being an elementary school teacher, this happens all the time), my own bridal shower, little girls' birthday parties. Says one commenter: "I've got a 5yo little princess, and I'm telling you we would use it ALL THE TIME. For birthdays, for tea parties, or for special-occasion dinners... I'm actually considering buying one to use for her next birthday party. They are just so cute." I think she says it all!

*Images credit: Williams Sonoma

Buzz, Buzz

2010-03-19T09:35:00.016-06:00

Wow, I'm a Bee! I'm so excited to join the Weddingbee community. I first heard about Weddingbee about four years ago, when I was Googling for something else. I thought, "Oh, that's nice" and that was it.

A few years later, after I'd met Mr. Oyster and become engaged, I thought, "Wasn't there something about a bee...?" And here I am! What did brides do before the internet? I'm 14 months into our 18 month engagement, and I can't imagine planning a wedding without the Hive!

So, who are these Oyster people?

Credit

I met Mr. Oyster nearly two years ago in a photography class. Turns out we'd both signed up to keep busy during the summer months (we are teachers) and Mr. Oyster says he immediately noticed me. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for him. I just wasn't really paying attention. I noticed that he seemed to ask me for help with his camera a lot.

This the first photo I ever took of him during that class. I remember that, while I was claiming not to notice this guy, he sure did have a nice smile.

Later, when he asked me to go to the museum with him, I accepted on the condition that it was not a "date." Hey, what can I say, I was resistant! But Mr. Oyster's intelligence, generous spirit and kindness soon won me over. Not to mention the fact that we are incredibly similar in some ways, completely different with others, and we seem to compliment each other perfectly. After dating five months, we were engaged!

I've spent most of my adult life single and independent, and, like any 30-year-old first time bride, it's been interesting to balance my independence with my upcoming married life. I am thoroughly enjoying the process! Mr. Oyster and I are equal parts traditional and modern, eclectic and mainstream. As we plan our wedding together, we spend lots of time laughing, dancing to music, singing songs and playing with our four (!) cats.

Why "Oyster"? Well, it's an adorable icon, and I do like to wear pearls on occasion. I hear that oysters are supposed to be a sexy type of food, but I truly wouldn't know. I'm allergic to shellfish.

Featured: So You're EnGAYged

2010-03-18T20:51:00.000-06:00

I love the blog SYE and when I saw an invitation for people to write something about what the blog means to them, I didn't hesitate. Well, the other day I found that they're featuring these comments for a few days to celebrate the blog's one year anniversary! And they chose me! You can check out my feature here, but they've been doing this all week (and you should really add SYE to your reader, as well). This is what I wrote:

Happy one-year to your blog! I think I’ve been reading it since it began.

I love this blog and look forward to its posts every day. My fiance & I are a straight couple. Of course, why should that keep me from reading SYE? I love the ideas here, the sentiments expressed, and of course all the real weddings.

We are an interracial couple; I’m black, he’s white. When my fiance was born, interracial marriage was illegal in many states. I’ve spent a good portion of my life fighting racism in every day life, but falling in love with my fiance was the easiest, most natural thing in the world. It’s a shame that we live in a world where the expression of that love could be judged by someone else.

In light of all that, I love that SYE does such a great job discussing LGBT issues as they relate to weddings, and, unlike many wedding blogs, keeping the focus on what matters: love, marriage, and the intention to start a life together. Thank you for being a bright spot in the wedding blogosphere.

Things I'll Learn from Wedding Planning

2010-03-17T15:47:00.000-06:00

For better or worse, I'm putting a lot of my heart & soul into this wedding, and now that our engagement is starting to wind down (or wind up, as the case may be), I'm thinking more about what I'll take away from this engagement process. Here are some that immediately come to mind:

Self Image. I'll be writing another post on this later, but the fact that I'll be seen by many (and for many years to come) in my wedding dress has forced me to confront some truths about the way I see myself, and it hasn't always been an easy process.

I've re-discovered sewing and even purchased my first sewing machine. The process of having my dress made required me to think a lot about fabric, fashion, and how things are constructed, and I actually like that stuff! Go figure. I finally know what my mother was doing when she'd see a dress in the department store, look closely at the seams, and head to Hancock.

Organization. I've always considered myself organized, but my army of spreadsheets, charts, graphs, and folders have shown me that I really can organize a huge event and simultaneously deal with the merging of household finances. It helps that FH is constantly telling me how impressed he is. ;-)

After the wedding, I'm planning on working more with my photography business. I was always a little scared of starting a business on my own, but I have more confidence now that I could organize something as complicated as a business, if I wanted to.

Family drama. Unfortunately, my family's had its share of drama-inducing moments, mostly, weddings and funerals. At this point, I really feel that (a) I can predict pretty well who will be dramatic and how they will act out, (b) I am too old to worry about what they are doing and (c) I'm too focused on my own life to care. I find that having this attitude actually encourages people to respect me more. In fact, I anticipated drama where there wasn't much at all. Another "go, figure!" here.

Domesticity. I hope it was merely coincidence that, on the same day I told the D.J. I'd like us to be introduced as "Mr. & Mrs. [Fiance's Name], I went out and bought the sewing machine. I know there are some ways in which I'm thoroughly modern (hello, first marriage at the age of 30!) and others where I'm just like my great-grandmother. I still feel a little conflicted about it, though.

Oh, no!!!

There are so many more things I could list. I think this post will require a sequel!

Anyone else? Is all this time/energy spent planning your wedding actually helpful to you in some way?

Some dreadful disaster

2010-03-15T23:59:00.019-06:00

Today I was visiting with my future in-laws, and FMIL was recounting the days of planning FSIL's first wedding, which was about 20 years ago now. It was a huge super-formal wedding, with all the requisite drama, and is the stuff of family legend.

While telling yet another story from this epic wedding, FMIL says, "Don't worry. On your wedding day, something will go wrong. It will be some dreadful disaster; just know that it will happen, but don't worry, everything will be o.k. Just focus on what matters most."

I know people say this, but really? Don't some brides, somewhere, have perfect wedding days? Or at least, days that seem perfect?

And of course, this gives me the chance to think about my wedding fears. I have a bunch of them, from having kids mess up the wedding to vendors who, despite seeming reliable, suddenly choose not to show up or disappear entirely. Plus there are the logistics of getting 100+ people from different parts of the country to the wedding venue, and all the little steps of planning (what if I forget something?). It seems like every step of the way, there's something to worry about.

At this, maybe I can apply one of my favorite quotes from President Obama. In response to something, some negotiation or another, he said, "I'm not going to anticipate problems." I took this to mean that one should be aware of the things that could go wrong, try your best to stop trouble before it starts, and then go forward hoping for the best.

This seems like the best approach -- after all, on the day of the wedding itself, all you can do is let go and do your best to live in the moment.

What are your wedding fears? Have you faced them yet?

*The photo above has nothing to do with anything, except that she's a literal representation of a bride who's got "too much going on."

More Than Centerpieces

2010-03-11T22:02:00.001-06:00

This photo and its accompanying blog post made my day. It's from one of my favorite photographers, Ryan Brenizer.

Mr. Brenizer is a wonderful wedding photographer based in New York. I found him on Flickr a while back and have read his blog for a couple years (as well as his photography column for Amazon.com). One of the things he does best is capture unscripted moments, often the wackiest ones.

I believe many wedding photographers fall into the trap of shooting the same moments over and over again, in the same way, at every wedding. It's easy to do -- there is a sameness to weddings, after all -- and a mediocre photographer could probably make a living out of it.

One of the reasons Ryan is so great is that he consistently rises above that. This glimpse into his photographic thought process is helpful for photographers and brides alike:

Photos like these are why I am a “moment junkie.” This is a cheerful hug between the bride, her father, and her grandfather, right after Viviana and her grandfather had a featured dance. Is it envelope-pushing art? No. Is it a picture that will have meaning for Viviana for the rest of her life? I’d imagine so. Let’s not forget that weddings are about moments like these more than centerpieces.

Dress Developments X: Muslin

2010-03-09T23:32:00.000-06:00

So this evening I had my dress mockup with my wonderful seamstress. She's great and I already love working with her.

For tonight, I brought all my "bridal accoutrèments:" shoes, waist-cincher and bra. I wore my hair down, since that's how I plan to wear it for the wedding.

For the uninitiated, the custom dress process begins with extensive measurements, followed by a mock-up of the dress in a cheap fabric (like muslin). The muslin is fitted & adjusted, and then it's taken apart and used as a pattern for the "real" dress.

So in my previous dress post, I was torn between three sketches. Here's the one we picked:

The A-line/trumpet shaped dress with a wrap-style top, beaded trim at the neckline and in the back, and a beaded train.

Unfortunately, the design will have one major change; instead of cool beading at the bottom of the dress like I'd envisioned, we will have it showcased on the back center panel of the dress. I'm not sure why we made this change. I think it would have been too hard to have the beading on just the bottom, since the lace would have to be taken apart and applied by hand. Too expensive!

Anyway, here's the muslin:

Hmm.

There are a few things that will be different from the dress as shown:
- The bodice will have the wrap-style fabric attached to it. This is like, an "underbodice."
- The straps on top will be thinner more of a "sweetheart shape" in front.
- The V-neck will be an inch lower.
- The waistband will be wider, and beaded.
- The dress is supposed to flare out towards the bottom with the slip and petticoats under it, etc.
- The part of the back that is colored (see picture #3) will be beaded lace.

Is this really my dress? I am not all that thrilled about it. It just looks like a big sack! A big, exceptionally-fitting-on-top sack! A sack of two colors!

I think it's interesting to see how I look in a long white dress. Also, I have heels on in this picture. I'm short waisted, so when I elongate my legs with heels and wear a natural waist, the dress looks empire-waisted! It just shows you how misleading it is to see these dresses on models and mannequins, when all of us are so different.

I guess it is starting to look like my drawing. However, I really want to change the back. I'm not sure how, but I think I'd like more drama & creativity than a big panel of beaded lace, however easy it might be to make. And I think the rounded train shape looks hopelessly dated. Back to the drawing board, sort of.

The Deadline in my Head

2010-03-06T23:34:00.001-06:00

Every so often it seems like I have a "wedding week--" a super-productive whirlwind of a week where I try to get everything done before a certain (often arbitrary) deadline. This deadline doesn't correspond to any checklist or "recommended list of tasks" or anything like that. I look at the list of things to be done for the wedding, and decide that they'll be done by a certain date. Then I don't do anything.

But invariably, I wake up one dayand suddenly have a burning desire to do everything on that imaginary list. At once.

The last one of these occurred before Christmas. I was going out of town, and it would be the holidays, and that would mean New Years', and so I got it in my head all the things I wanted to do before we were "six months out." I remember a week full of appointments, bookings, and check writing. It was a blur. Could it have been done a week or two later? Sure! But I felt better, having met the deadline in my head.

So this week, I have three meetings with vendors, finish gathering addresses for the invites, finalize the guest list, set up hotel blocks, and schedule yet more appointments for Spring Break, which is week after next. Oh yeah, and I'm also working full time and going to physical therapy for that back injury.

Normally, committing myself to coming home late every night would be terribly exhausting and I would dread it. But for some reason, I'm totally energized! It's for the wedding! I'll meet the deadline in my head!

Oh, and the most exciting of all? On Tuesday, I'll see my dress for the first time! I can't wait to see it, and, of course, to share it with you!

*This book is hilarious. I read it years ago and again when I got engaged. It's funny for many reasons, most notably, the bride's ever-growing checklist.

DIY and the Dead Fly

2010-03-03T18:38:00.001-06:00

Despite my insistence that I'm not a DIY type of girl, I find myself doing a lot of things for this wedding myself. Among my projects is the Martha Stewart flower pillow.

I love this pillow, and from the moment I saw it I knew I wanted one for my wedding! I have a little sewing experience and this seemed like a project I could do.

For inspiration, I studied carefully the diagrams and tutorial over at Martha Stewart, which boasts this beautiful example:

Then I also read the more explicit tutorial of Weddingbee blogger "Mrs. Perfume," whose mother helped her with this beautiful one:

I picked up some remnant fabric at Joann's to practice with, and set to work with my little sewing kit. Here was some of my inspiration while I worked:

Oh yes, Michael provides the perfect sewing music.

First, I cut out those ovals just as Martha described: ovals with straight sides. FH pointed out that they look a lot like my little mouse, so I put them side by side. Twins!

Then, I got my sewing kit and went to work, following all the directions. I cut my little ovals out, and instead of pinching them with wire, I stitched them through the middle.

Then I started sewing them together. But I noticed something odd. Where the directions said there should be no gaps, there were plenty. And this didn't look like a flower at all! It was a weird, floppy thing. I tossed it onto my keyboard and noticed that it looked.... like a dead fly!

FH came over to see, and when I described it to him he immediately began holding it through the air, buzzing around with it. Guys!

Anyway, I quickly saw what my problem was: the ovals were too straight and too long. They really need to be more like circles. Why doesn't Martha say this? Wait, who am I kidding?! It wouldn't be a Martha project without some frustration.

So I cut out some new ovals.

These were quite a bit smaller (and the flower tends to get smaller as you add petals to it), so it was harder to sew. Still, there was an instant improvement.

And for good measure, we checked -- it's cat-approved!

Engagement Brain

2010-02-28T10:05:00.001-06:00

I made a doctor's appointment recently, and the nice woman taking the appointments asked me a million questions, which included, "Are you married or single?" I answered, "Mar-- I mean, sing-- um..." Finally I just said, "Sorry, I'm engaged!" And she laughed with me. I was mortified! But she seemed to understand.

A few days later, having forgotten my embarrassment, I picked up the phone at home and it was some telemarketer pretending to be a friend of my FH. (I guess that's their new strategy now?). He said, "Well, is this Mrs. _______?" And I said, "Ye-- um... not, I mean-- almost!" Unfortunately, the poor man was embarrassed and confused, and I explained, "I'm sorry, we're getting married in a few months! I never know what to say anymore!" And he said, "Congratulations!" and apologized profoundly if he'd offended me. Of course, I had to apologize for embarrassing him.

I guess I would have a prepared answer to these questions if FH and I were not engaged. If we lived together before deciding to get married, for instance, or if we were just dating, the distinction would definitely be clearer. I would know what to say to telemarketers, and it would probably be on my mind that I am still legally single, despite what my heart says.

As we get closer to the wedding, I am more and more comfortable with the idea that FH and I will be married. There's definitely a shock factor (married!), but it's true I already think of him as my partner in life. I have accidentally referred to him as "my husband" more than once, and he revealed to me that he's called me his "wife" when talking to friends!

I'm glad we're having a long engagement, but it's difficult to feel "in transition" for so long. I wonder if this isn't our minds' way of settling things down... and letting us know that the wait is almost over!

Approaching fast...

2010-02-27T13:51:00.000-06:00

My first reaction upon hearing the news about the Chilean earthquake was that my heart went out to everyone affected there. Another devastating earthquake? More devastated people? So soon after Haiti? Really?

And then I saw that there are tsunamis headed toward Hawaii. And then I saw this.

This image shows the "predicted distribution of energy" following the Chile earthquake. I am not a scientific person by any means (while FH comes from a family of geologists), so this image helped me put things into perspective.

I'll admit that upon seeing this map, my first thought was those honeymoon plane tickets we purchased just a few days ago. I am even more embarrassed to admit that, while I'm generally well traveled and sensitive to the needs of people in different parts of the world (I'm an ethnomusicologist, for Heavens' sake!), I never thought much about Hawaii. I'd bought into the idea of it as an unspoiled, hurricane-free place that is perfectly safe and idyllic. And I'm sure it is, most of the year. At the moment, though, it's a series of islands with people on them, hoping the tsunamis don't come.

Invitations pt. 2 [It's Real Now]

2010-02-24T20:36:00.003-06:00

The first thing that helped me get over my disappointment was seeing FH's reaction to the invitations. Earlier readers may remember that it was him who turned me on to these invitations in the first place -- he has excellent taste!

When he came home, I showed them to him without comment, to see what he'd say. He didn't say anything for a long time, but he just sort of stared at them, smiling. He said, "We're getting married!" It was very sweet.

These invitations, of course, are not about shades of pink and cursive and script and fonts; they're the first announcement that my fiance and I intend to start a new life together. Seeing him hold the invitations in his hands and really get that for the first time was priceless, and everything else I'd been worrying about suddenly mattered much less.

Another thing that helped was a little design tweak that was inexpensive and only took a few minutes! I decided to round the corners.

Smock can round the corners of your invitations for you, but we didn't select this when we ordered them. When they arrived, I knew it was the "something missing" that I needed to fix. I ventured into Hobby Lobby and found this sturdy-looking "Corner Chomper" and its cute matching case:

This is the perfect tool for this sort of thing; it cuts clean, perfectly curved corners, and holds up really well. It's perfect for the super thick card stock of our invitations.

And now for the results! First, the before:

This tool cuts two types of corners; a quarter inch (it appears that this is the shape Smock uses if you have them round the corners)...

...and a half inch, which is the one we're going to use:

You can see the corners better in this shot:

I have to give major props to the Crop-a-dile. The corners it cuts are absolutely perfect... no flattening of the paper or extra weird notches. It's amazing how different the invitations look now. The softer edges really help our names to stand out, since they're now the only angled things on the invitation. I think the soft corners provide some much-needed balance and definition. Not only that, but with this hard cardstock, they're much easier to get in & out of the envelopes!

So for now, that's the story of our invites. Now it's on to a task I'm dreading: finalizing the guest list!

The invitations Have Arrived!

2010-02-21T18:53:00.001-06:00

Our beautiful invitations from Smock Papers have arrived! Having picked these out nearly a year ago, I am happy to present them (in slightly altered form):

They are beautiful to me now, but a few days ago when I picked them up I was profoundly disappointed. The accent color is "shell," which looks fine in the photograph, but seems darker and a little too "mauve-y" when I first saw them. This is different from how it appears in the in-store example book, so I was surprised.

Also, I was a little disappointed about all the back & forth it took to get these invites to look the way we wanted. I read the blog at Smock, and I have heard all the glowing reviews, seen them featured in magazines, etc. I was under the impression that the company would customize the invitations so that they looked nice with their layouts; combining lines of text if necessary, and arranging the words on the page so that they blend seamlessly with the artwork.

I was sorely disappointed when I got the first proof back. I had put way too many words on the invitation, but there they all were, in a big jumble. They could have suggested a vertical layout, or combined more than one line, but they didn't. They typed the words just as I sent them, which is fine -- but I am not a graphic designer. I am paying for them to design it for me! Or so I thought.

Two proofs and $40 later,* I ended up just making a photoshop picture and laying out the words exactly as they are shown in the final version. I was irritated that I ended up paying them to fix and design my own invitation.

The customer service from them was great and the invitations are indeed beautiful, and they have some lovely designs. However, I suggest you know exactly what you want and spend some time envisioning it before you place an order.

In the long run, none of this will matter. Our guests won't know the difference! And of course, it's not like our marriage will be less valid because one shade of pink doesn't match the other. But I had envisioned these invitations for months, and seeing them in person was underwhelming. It was hard to acknowledge how much the little things about this wedding mean to me.

How did I make peace with this? It's coming up!

*At Smock, if you make more than 1 change, it's $40 per proof. We made two changes = 3 proofs total.

Here's one way to make it your own...

2010-02-20T16:20:00.000-06:00

This adorable couple got married in the Apple store where they met. It's very cute when he pats her behind toward the beginning there.

I never planned for our wedding to have anything to do with when or where we met, but I inadvertently picked a wedding date that was exactly two years from the day we met in 2008! I'd completely forgotten which day it was and didn't realize it until I found some old notes from the class we took together.

Andrew Young and the Sanctity of Marriage

2010-02-17T20:16:00.003-06:00

Every so often, I bring my ipod of podcasts to work with me to catch up. This week, I listened to the New York Times' book review and interview with Andrew Young, the staffer who covered for his friend John Edwards and was unceremoniously dumped when Edwards' scandal broke and destroyed everything. Then he wrote a book about it.

I kept listening to Mr. Young's account of things, and, later in the interview, his admission that his own role in the cover-up was morally inept, and I kept wondering: what does his wife think? I know what I think.

How many of us have ever covered for friends when we were younger? "Hey, can I tell my mom I'm at your house?" Or covered for a boss if he's out of the office? I haven't done either of these things (my friends weren't cool enough, I guess... and I haven't worked in enough offices to take calls from a boss' relatives).

But if you were Mrs. Young, what would you think about the fact that your husband, the one who promised to love and honor you, helped to cover up a sexual compulsion as nasty as John Edwards'? It's one thing to make a bad choice once. But how can Mr. Young look himself in the mirror now, knowing he repeatedly contributed to the pain and suffering of someone else? That he was complicit in the actions that led to the destruction of a marriage?

Much has been made of the "what would you do if your spouse was cheating" issue, but this is a little different. Andrew Young may have remained faithful to his own spouse, but what do his actions say about his belief in marriage? At what point would you determine this a line crossed? What would you say if someone asked you to cover for them, and you knew they were having an affair? What would you say if your spouse did that for someone else? How would you balance that with the need to keep your job? If you were in on the betrayal, would you feel complicit in the deception? Would you keep quiet?

*Photo from flickr.

We'll have our cake, and we'll eat it

2010-02-15T20:02:00.003-06:00

FH and I were adamant about our desire to eliminate traditional, cheesy wedding cakes. I just couldn't get into the idea of the cake as "the center of the wedding" as one famous local cake baker has said. I can't find that quote (which was part of the intro of one of those "bake a wedding cake" shows), but I did find this cute clip of a someone making a wedding cake in 3 minutes:

We were content with our idea of having some kind of alternate cake structure, cake table, or dessert table, or maybe even little Whole Foods round cakes for each table (mmm!). What we weren't content with was the idea of having to pick up all these little cakes, deliver them, and set them out ourselves... and what would we put them on? Sure, it would save money, but I don't think my sanity is worth the small amount we'd be saving.

So, we caved. Since FH is an artist, he can appreciate the idea of a wedding cake that is also a work of art. But our philosophy (as it is with many aspects of this wedding) is that we should either get exactly what we want, or nothing at all. Since we can't afford one of these lovely works of art, we'll just get a very simple cake and call it a day.

Our wedding is a classic ballroom wedding in an urban setting (This is what I mean by "urban black-tie..." I don't know, I made it up!). This means we should have a cake that's a little modern, subtly interesting, and not too flowery or "froufy." Serving about 130 guests, our cake should be about 4 tiers. Here are some of the choices we're looking at:

via ProjectWedding.com

I love it: nice and simple! A clean, classic design with double beading at each layer reminds me of a nicely painted room with crown molding. The scroll designs are pretty, but we are not really into them. If we did have a scroll-y cake, though, I'd like to mix things up by combining shapes and a little color.

via Dallas Affaires Cake Co.

This one is from one of the vendors we're considering, Dallas Affaires Cake Co. Their cakes are beautifully designed and consistent. I like the two-tone effect on this one.

Here's one from another cake vendor we like, Elena's Cakes. It's another combined shape one... but what if the vertical stripes were just stripes (and not flowery stripes)? It might look nice. Plus it would mimic the light fixtures at our venue, which I initially hated but have since made peace with.

photo via Elena's Cakes

A post like this wouldn't be complete if I didn't include our dream cake. We love the idea of this incredibly unique and beautiful cake by Sylvia Weinstock, featured on the cover of Martha Stewart Weddings' anniversary issue:

Wow! What beautiful, stunning work. Mr. Oyster makes the excellent point that sugar flowers are pointless if they look exactly like real ones. With florists decorating cakes nowadays, why pay for all those hours of labor?

But if the flowers look like something you'd want to eat? If they look so organically a part of the cake that they seem to have grown out of it? Well then, they seem perfectly justifiable in that sense. It's true; cake was among the lowest of Mr. Oyster's and my priorities, and paying for something whose value seems intangible is difficult for us. But this cake? It's just beautiful and *different*. It doesn't look like cake! It's just a mound of beautiful white flowers. Who wouldn't want to eat that?

Barring the Weinstock masterpiece, I think I like the simple square cake best. A version of it is featured on the front of Martha Stewart's wedding webpage (and in the "Real Weddings" feature of Christopher & Liezel):

Oh, and this is our cake cutting song! Why not have a little fun with it?

**Update: Mr. Oyster, who is currently suffering from a cold (poor sweetie!), has pointed out that the Weinstock cake looks to him like a big pile of wadded up tissues. Ew! Nothing like a guy's point of view to make you see things in a different light.

Dress Developments IX: Say Yes to the Sketch

2010-02-11T23:16:00.000-06:00

So I did it -- I finally started the dress process.

Last weekend, I got measured, and as I write this, the seamstress is working on a muslin. But before I visited with her, I had to have a design, right?

I had been working on these, and with all my previous inspirations taken into account, plus my own body type, and some newer ideas from the likes of Amsale, Ulla-Maija and other modern-classic designers, here are the Final Four.

Dress 854 is a plain A-line dress. The back is inspired by this one from Amsale; asymmetrical, drawing attention in the right place. The front is a flat front skirt, although the sketch appears to have princess seams. There is some slight gathering at the waistline.

I'll be honest; I really didn't like this dress. It's a beautiful A-line, classic dress, but I wanted something with more... personality.

Dress 858 is a modified A-line (trumpet) with princess seams. Being short and, for lack of a better word, "curvy," I felt like a plain A-line might be overwhelming, especially in light of the fact that I want to wear a full skirt. The problem is that I don't like princess seams, but they seem necessary to get the full skirt.

And here are my favorites. Another solution to the full skirt problem is to have a seam below the waistline. After all, that gathered fabric has to come from somewhere! This dress has a seam that curves downward, which I hope would elongate the body. It also just looks more modern.

I love this dress! I think it's modern and interesting, but I'm not sure if I am bold enough to wear it. Plus, the seam really does cut the visual line of the body, which may or may not be a good thing. Here, the same dress without the seam (but the fullness of the skirt would be considerably less):

So which one did I choose? I'll show you in the muslin fitting, next week!

The foundation of it all

2010-02-07T21:21:00.011-06:00

My mother always said (why do so many wedding-related posts use that sentence?) that your foundation garments are more important than any clothes you put on top.

She would be astonishingly embarrassed to find out that for the past several months I've been wearing a bra that barely fits. It doesn't lift, separate, or support, and it looks awful and worn out. I've been trying to order new bras for months, both for everyday wear and for the wedding, and I haven't had any success.

But Thursday, when my most recent shipment arrived only to not fit properly (again!), I got mad and frustrated. FH, hearing my complaints, got online and found me a local specialty bra shop. I don't know why I didn't think of this; probably because I didn't want to deal with being fitted and having to show my so & sos to some strange shop employee.

But desperation overruled my shyness, and I went to the shop, got fitted, and came out $110 poorer, but with TWO custom-fitted bras in hand. After a bit of a wait, I received excellent service. The ladies are very nice, if a bit awkward, and they have a custom seamstress on staff. My bras needed two darts in the sides, and she put them in for free while I waited. I must admit that I'd never even considered custom-fitting a bra.

My only complaint is that I wish I'd found the shop months ago... I could have saved so much money & frustration if I'd just been more willing to be a little embarrassed for a few minutes!

Interculturally speaking...

2010-02-05T21:55:00.015-06:00

In the past I've dated men outside my race, and there can be some less than successful results. One young man (we were in college) decided that color didn't matter -- at all. As it turned out, what that meant was that my color didn't matter to him. Whenever issues of racism or culture came up, he said, "Color shouldn't matter." Okay.

I was in this relationship when my father died. Seeing his face upon exiting the funeral -- the traditional, African-American Baptist funeral complete with gospel coir, singing, wailing, etc. -- was priceless. I guess it mattered.

Another boyfriend was almost indifferent. Black culture was foreign to him, and he liked it that way. I think I was a little "exotic." ::sigh::

My fiance, who is white, offers total acceptance and understanding. I find it easy to talk to him about issues of race & culture, and he really "gets" me. This of course, is due to his loving personality, openness, and incredible cultural & societal awareness. It's essential that both of you have this awareness if you're in an intercultural relationship, particularly if one of you is a member of the dominant (mainstream) culture. Most white men grow up without ever having to think about what life is like for a black person. However, being confronted with the dominant culture all the time, I don't share this cultural blindness -- it's impossible. This must be acknowledged by the both of you if the relationship is to work.

I came across two intriguing articles about interracial relationships this week. These mostly deal with black-white relationships but I think they are helpful for any person of color dating someone who is not. "Color doesn't matter" is an especially naive position to take when you consider how race is still being handled in our society, and the fact that if you have children, despite their mixed heritage, they will be culturally perceived as non-white (see: Obama).

The first article is by guest author "C.L." from Stuff White People Do. C.L. is an Asian woman who describes her experiences traveling internationally with her white boyfriend. I imagine the situation she describes will be familiar to Asian Americans; the way her boyfriend re-frames and dismisses the issue is painfully familiar to me. The many intelligent comments posted there are also worth a read.

Over at Confessions of a Cybernegress, the author describes her husband's embrace of her culture:

And for Rob, I think that's the biggest part of it: family. He said something recently that struck me as both odd and true: "Black issues are my issues now. And when we have kids, they'll be even more important to me." My initial reaction was, "why aren't black issues everyone's issues?" But I understand his point of view: this is a world he'd never known before, and I can't fault him for that. And while I won't say that my husband is as invested in the health of the black community as I am, he does embrace my family as his--as much as I embrace his family as mine. And because I'm his wife, he wants to know how I see the world so he can adjust his own view. Because he'll some day have black daughters, he wants to learn how they will grow up seeing the world, and how he can make their lives happier and healthier. He wants them to know their history includes strong, intelligent, good people--both black and white.

I think she gets to the heart of the issue here; her husband isn't just interested in black issues because they're "new" or "exotic" or some kind of novelty. He's interested in those issues because they are related to her, and thus, to him.

Having a husband and who wants to understand your perspective and who truly embraces you, your family and your culture, is essential -- no matter what color he is.

*Photo of Bershan & David by Justine Ungaro.

If it's broke...

2010-02-03T18:17:00.001-06:00

My poor car is dying. At ten years old, it's run perfectly all this time and now, in the space of four months, I am facing two big repairs (one was in October). I know this is what cars do, but I'm so worried -- I plan to buy a car a year after the wedding. Can't this car just run perfectly for sixteen more months?! Sixteen! It was doing fine, but at this rate, we'll finance a whole other car just repairing this one before the sixteen months are up. Hell, just give me five more months. We're paying for a wedding, here!

My car has been with me for so long, for a cross country move and many road trips; across thousands of miles and several states; has carried nearly everyone I love at some point; has carried me home from many a boyfriend's house after some tearful breakup. I tell it, "Just hang in there!" And I think the car is saying, "I'm doing the best I can."

I took that picture up there on a solo trip to Davis, Oklahoma in 2008. I found it to be beautiful there and pulled over for this scenic shot (click to enlarge). Of course, the car is probably fine for a few more years, at least, even if it needs repairs to keep going. I just love this car. Look how good it looks at eight years old! Practically brand new.

What is this post about my beloved Camry doing on my wedding blog? I don't know. For one, it's new for me that major problems are not just about me but also about my future husband. It's weird (and reassuring) that I need to depend on him to take me to work or give me a jump if I am stranded. And when we purchase a car -- when we purchase anything, from now on, it will be our decision. Our car.

I also think it's interesting to look at objects and see where you've been and where you're going. I bought my car when I was 21. I was finishing college and beginning a teaching career. My father died only a year earlier, and my mother and I had been by ourselves and made stronger by it. We found ourselves in the market for a car at the same time. We bought matching Camrys (hers is lavender). I kind of knew it was an object I would keep until the next major transition in my life, and here I am! Getting married and the car is giving up its ghost.

The idea of purchasing a new car has me thinking about where I'll be for the next ten years. I definitely want a car that's a step up in terms of features and so on, and I am very interested in a small SUV. Pictured at right is the lovely Audi Q7.

Like most Americans, I think of my car as a symbol of personal independence. I like to imagine where I'll go in it. I'll love all that extra space for my photography equipment; maybe I'll drive to more photography gigs. Eventually, I imagine I'll be loading baby seats in & out of it. And maybe taking little ones to school. And maybe sometimes, I'll let my husband drive it!

Everybody Jump!

2010-01-31T22:19:00.001-06:00

That's right, the namesake of this blog! It's time to focus a little on the broom. Jumping the broom is a tradition for African-American weddings. Its origins are a bit uncertain, but it's significance is clear.

After the minister has pronounced us "man and wife," and we kiss, and we turn back to the congregation, we'll jump the broom just before we walk back down the aisle. I think it will just be a joyous moment and a great signifier that "we are married."

I have a vision in my head for this broom, and the feeling that it has to be handmade. It just seems like that type of item. I don't have too many ideas yet, but I do plan to have a basic, "old-looking" straw broom, and decorate it with ribbon, wrap it in a little fabric (maybe some fabric from my wedding dress), and some handmade silk flowers. Here are some pictures (sources are linked):

When it came time to think about it, I was surprised by how emotionally invested I was in this broom. Yes, I'm an American, a Westerner, and in planning a traditional "white wedding" (that term just refers to the dress, by the way) I'm acknowledging that I've absorbed many of society's wedding traditions, and that they resonate with me. But the broom, I guess, is the only tangible evidence we have in the ceremony, the only part that says, "Here is a black woman getting married." I'm very lucky that my fiance, who is white, is as excited about this as I am!

I was also surprised to find myself thinking of it as an heirloom broom. Maybe we'll have a son or daughter who gets married, and wants to jump the broom? Or, in the even nearer future, what if one of my little cousins (I'm the oldest of 8 girl cousins) wants to get married and jump it? The "family broom." What a great tradition!

Chicago!

2010-01-18T21:23:00.001-06:00

Today I got an email showing that our engagement portraits were up. This is an email I'd been simultaneously dreading and looking forward to since the session last month. I waited for FH to sit with me and we looked at them together.

The verdict? Pretty good! Of the 90 shots given to us after our session, we marked half of them as our favorites. I'm not sure what we'll do with these shots. I plan to put at least one or two on our wedding webpage, and I'm going to order a print or two to display at our rehearsal dinner.

Three favorites from the photographer's blog:

We very much enjoyed the snow! It was unbelievably fluffy and fun to walk on. Here's a shot of me gleefully kicking some snow towards FH. Take that!

There are more great shots, but I'm limited to showing the ones from the blog at the moment -- the rest are watermarked and on the photo-viewing page.

After I saw these, I said to David, "Wow, I sure look as though I love you very much!" It's nice to see so many shots of me looking adoringly at my future husband. It felt weird to see pictures of us kissing! And I am still disappointed that I never found the right coat. There are a few shots of me with the coat open (before I got too cold), and I like them -- it's like, "Hey, I have a shape under there!" Oh well. It was all I had. I am very happy that I was able to let it go and relax -- I think it shows in the pictures.

So that's the story of our engagement photos! As soon as I get some more blog-worthy images, I'll post them. I can't wait to show you the shots of our "snow dance!"

Dress Developments VIII: Shopping with the Moms

2010-01-15T21:20:00.003-06:00

After I decided to have my dress made, and after meeting two unsuitable seamstresses, I was lucky enough to discover the resource that is Fabrique! Fabrics. I went there this summer, met the owner, and was sold! Problem was, I wasn't quite ready to decide what dress I wanted to wear.

Fast forward to this fall, when my mother and grandmother visited me from out-of-state. True, I would never have that "trying-on-dresses" feeling with my mother there, but this would have to do.

My mother is a third generation sewing enthusiast. She learned the craft from my great-grandmother, with whom she spent her summers as a little girl. My mother made many of the clothes I wore as a kid. Old Christmas ornaments, many of my baby clothes, a quilt, and a Christmas dress that I remember being made from a pattern my mom cut out of paper bags. Eventually, we moved too many times and my mother remarked that buying clothes became cheaper than sewing, so I haven't seen her pull out her old Bernina in quite a while.

But I have many great memories of sewing with my mom. The picture at left is the sewing machine my mom used, a Bernina 830 (circa 1979 or so). She'll be happy to emphasize to you that it still works.

When I told her about Fabrique, that it was a couture fabric store that had an entire section dedicated to bridal fabrics, she was so excited! So I made sure to take her and my grandmother, and I felt like I had two experts on hand to help me in this first stage of bridal dress shopping.

The store has a good selection of bridal fabrics; almost any bridal dress fabric you've heard of is there: silk satin, silk dupioni, shantung, mikado, and even a few high quality poly-satins if I remember correctly. Here's my mom checking them all out:

And here's my beautiful grandmother, looking on (and surrounded by trim):

But my favorite is the lace. Lace!!! I don't want an all-over beaded lace dress (although I think they're beautiful), but I want to incorporate lace in some way. The laces at Fabrique range from $50 to over $400 per yard. Some are domestic, some are imported, but every one of them is stunning. Here, the store owner shows a hand-beaded lace, with crystals attached. You just have to click these to see the beautiful lace up close!

Yep, you read the price tag correctly. Here's another...

And this is the one I bought!

I bought some trim, and the beads happen to be nearly identical to this lace. Perfect!

My grandmother's hands rest next to my iPod. I bring that thing everywhere -- it's so helpful to be able to show vendors exactly what I want. I even have a runway video of the dress on my iPod, and it's indispensable. If you look carefully, you can see my sketch in the foreground.

Also in this picture, my grandmother is wearing her original wedding set. I wish I'd taken a better picture. She recently found this after it had been packed away. The set is over 50 years old, as it was given to her by my late grandfather when they married. How sweet!

Despite originally wanting to wear a matte fabric like silk dupioni or radzimir (if I could ever find it), I ended up choosing a smooth, lustrous silk satin. Silk satin is responsible for beautiful gowns like these (click to see the fabric in motion):

Along with the fabric, I chose the beaded lace, and the matching trim. My grandmother decided to buy the dress fabric for me as a birthday present! I am so humbled by this and hope the dress is as beautiful as we envision it.

Dress Developments VII: Totally Unexpected

2010-01-11T17:54:00.006-06:00

I scheduled a meeting with the seamstress this week, but in a moment of bravery I decided that I wanted to try one last time to try on actual wedding dresses.

The last time I went to a bridal salon was in the summer. I admit that I'd been swayed by the horror stories of other plus size brides who were instructed to stand in their underwear and hold a dress up to them (?!), and other atrocities. But I was armed with a new determination and a more fearless attitude. I'd heard good things about Alfred Angelo, and thought I'd give them a try.

As it happens, one of my MsOH lives nearby, and when I called her 30 minutes prior to the appointment (that I'd just made) to tell her I'd be in the area, it turns out she was free for the day and came right down to the salon to help me!

The woman on the phone was extremely helpful and friendly when I spoke to her and asked about sizes, so I was very encouraged. We went in, and the saleslady asked me what styles I wanted to try on. I told her that I'd never been to a salon where I had more than one or two options, so I told her the style I thought would work for me. But I fully intended to take the advice from Weddingbee brides, who always say to try on things you don't think you'll like, so I told her I was open to anything!

And now for the necessary warning:

source

First, I tried on a dress that I thought was a sure thing: Alfred Angelo's 1148. Asymmetrical draping, off-the-shoulder... everything that had been recommended for a bride of my shape. Here it is:

Whoops! Can we say, "too much fabric?" So much for the draped look. And the off-shoulder neckline does frame my face nicely... but it makes my shoulders look even more sloped. The first word that came to mind when I saw this was "sausage." What a nightmare. Moving on.

We tried on a couple more, mostly dresses that I won't picture here or I pulled off as soon as I put them on. I just wasn't sure... until we tried on this one, the 2024. I'm not planning to wear any color with my dress, but the sash can be changed. Here it is:

Here's where it gets interesting: I always said I'd *never* wear strapless. But it's quite the improvement over the 1148. My shoulders get to show whatever shape they have, my upper back isn't nearly as "puffy" as I thought, and I like the clean, plain top. It's a little "princessy," though. Let's try another one!

Here's the 830. Simple and clean, and the fabric is very pretty in person; the satin almost looks like dupioni. I like this one the best. Keep in mind this dress is one or two sizes too small.

Hey, look! I have a shape! Eri took some pictures with my pro camera, and you can see how luminous the fabric is. Clearly above my expectations for Alfred Angelo (sorry to any AA fans out there)!

Cool! I have a profile, even.

So, I came away from the shopping trip and learned a few things.
- I am not worried about strapless. I like my shoulders; it's my arms that I'm self conscious about. But my arms will look the same whether my dress has straps or not. So, who cares?
- NO DRAPING of any kind. Plain & simple!
- A wrap-style top is definitely the way to go to soften up my giant bustline.
- Waist definition is great!
- A plain A-line skirt looks *awesome*.
- I still want to have my dress made. Even if the 830 were ordered in my size, it's not quite perfect for me.

I'm so glad I made those phone calls, both to the salon and to my MOH. I'd always wanted that bridal dress shopping experience, and I finally got it. I was always sad that I couldn't go dress shopping with my mom and expected to go it alone. But I'm so glad MOH was there to take lots of pictures and be encouraging! What a great friend. Incidentally, MOH understood exactly how I felt. Two years ago, she also shopped for her wedding dress alone. Her mom lives in Japan, much farther away than mine.

Next up? What will I do with all this knowledge? I meet with the seamstress this week...!

The Most Important Thing

2010-01-08T20:12:00.002-06:00

My mother and I were invited to a wedding once; it was my mom's co-worker and my mother had heard endless details about this wedding for over a year now. We drove an hour, parked our cars, climbed up a San Francisco hill by ourselves at night and rode an ancient elevator in a questionable building.

We were ushered into a room with no chairs and not enough food, and full of hungry people, and we stayed there -- for two hours. We had no idea what was going on, until we heard someone say it:

"Oh, what a beautiful wedding." What?!

Turns out, this particular bride invited some guests only to the reception, and others to both events. I remember how cheated we felt; especially my mom, who knew this woman. We drove all this way only to miss the point?

Of course this anecdote is related more to the personality of this particular bride than anything else, but I think it underscores the importance of allowing your guests to see you get married, and to feel a part of that experience.
I read something a while back about the wedding ceremony being a focal point of the day itself. (What else would it be? That's the whole point!) The article went on to say that if your wedding ceremony is beautiful and meaningful and heartfelt, and if it draws your guests in, that everything else about your wedding day will flow smoothly.

A few weeks ago, I got a chance to flesh out the ceremony. We met with our officiant, a very nice spiritual lady who has lots of ideas. Almost without thinking, I figured out the elements of our ceremony. It seems like we will have:

- a dedication & brief remembrance of those relatives not with us
- a reading by one of my best friends
- a song performed by my cousin (a violinist)
- vows that we do not write ourselves (but choose in advance)
- an invitation for our guests to bless us in our new marriage
- jumping the broom

To help us, we are using one of my favorite ceremony planning books: The Wedding Ceremony Planner. It's an excellent book, especially if one is not particularly religious.

It is so important to me that our ceremony reflect us in a way nothing else that day does. Falling for my FH, and being with him every day, is one of the simplest things in the world to me. Marrying him is such a natural step for us to take, and we are so happy to do so. I hope our guests can understand what this means for us and share our happiness, and I especially look forward to feeling the encouragement and love of all those who have taken this step before us.

Here is one of my favorite ceremony sermons, at the wedding of Jennifer and Ming. I found this through the Stillmotion blog, and I love the words and the sentiment:

*Updated: I inadvertently posted the wrong video above. It's fixed now.

Dress Developments VI: Mori-Lee me!

2010-01-05T21:33:00.012-06:00

I was flipping through a random bridal magazine* when I saw yet another spread of "How to cover up your plus-sized figure" (I plan to show mine off, thank you very much) featuring a dress that looked strikingly familiar. Then I remembered where I saw it.

During the summer, I decided I would have my dress custom made and sketched a dress that I thought I could wear. Here is the original post. It was a combination of a few other dresses (including Mori Lee's 3032), plus some personal knowledge about what works with my figure (v-neck, ruching, asymmetrical draping, etc.). In the meantime, I purchased some fabric & beading and have set about finding a seamstress.

Then today, I saw this dress in the latest Bride's magazine, and here it is, on the Mori Lee website! My sketches were made and scanned in August, and the earliest info I found on this dress is from October.

The resemblance is, in my opinion, uncanny... but you be the judge (click to enlarge & see my original notes).

*Yes, I have enough random bridal magazines that they are scattered throughout the house! This particular magazine is the January 2010 issue of Bride's magazine, page 54.

We Just Knew [Anniversaries]

2010-01-02T17:47:00.014-06:00

A year ago this week, I was getting ready to go back to work after winter break, and my boyfriend and I had just come home from seeing Rachel Getting Married. At this time in our relationship, I was starting to feel like I knew he was "the one," and I was wondering what that would mean for us. I had an idea that he'd felt the same way, as he'd been hinting at it, but I wasn't sure.

Rachel Getting Married isn't really a story about a wedding, at least not on its surface. But it does feature several sincere and heartwarming wedding-related scenes, and by the end of the film, I couldn't help but wonder if this wonderful boyfriend of mine would be with me for our own, real-life wedding scenes. I wanted to know where we were going, but I was afraid to say anything, because I didn't want to risk being disappointed if we weren't on the same page. Actually, I was terrified. But I was doubly inspired because the movie is also about overcoming personal issues & fears. So, later that night, I decided to talk to FH about how I'd been feeling, and it ended up being perhaps the most memorable night of my life.

What started as a relationship talk, casually begun while taking down the Christmas tree, turned into an utterly emotional and somewhat unexpected discussion of how we felt for each other. It turns out that I'd had nothing to worry about. It was soon apparent that our feelings were mutual, and when we realized it, we made the mutual decision to be married. Married! Us! The exact moment might have been a surprise, but our engagement really wasn't. It was like we were just saying out loud the things we'd already known. And from that moment we were together in a way we hadn't been before. We were different.

Things were so informal that I never made an actual announcement. The next day, I called my mother and my two best friends, and we formally told his parents over dinner a few weeks later. I received a beautiful ring in March.

But on the night of our engagement, there was no ring, no bended knee, no asking anyone's permission. Just two people in love, who looked at each other and knew, and decided together. I can't imagine anything more personal or more romantic. Looking back on it now, FH says, "It matches our relationship. It's us."

*Photo by me.

Wedding Wednesday: Tia & Glen

2009-12-30T23:44:00.000-06:00

This wedding inspires me for all sorts of reasons, one of which is that it's one of the very first weddings I saw online after I was engaged. I'd seen plenty of wedding photographs before getting engaged, but in those first few weeks, every wedding I looked at took on additional meaning. At the time, I had no idea which direction our wedding would take, where it would be held, or even what the possibilities were. But I knew there was something about this wedding that I loved.

Unfortunately, I barely remembered seeing this wedding, and when I looked for it again it disappeared as quickly as I had found it. I just remembered the super-romantic lighting in the ceremony, and the beautiful bride in her incredibly sexy dress. I was so lucky that Janie at The Bride's Cafe decided to revisit Tia & Glen's wedding one year later.

Sticking most in my mind was Tia & Glen's romantic ceremony:

Tia's dress is a good example of something I wouldn't wear myself, but I do want to look this beautiful in my gown:

It's not often you get a great shot of just how *sparkly* a dress is:

Cute!

Here's what's weird; I'd saved this cake to my favorites when we first got engaged, and I couldn't for the life of me find where I got the file! Now I know:

It's so funny; one year later, our wedding is turning out to look very similar to this one: simple, elegant, romantic. I wonder if these images planted themselves in my subconscious, and influenced me! No, I've been watching too much Twilight Zone.*

What images from your first days of being engaged have stuck with you?

* I watch the Twilight Zone marathon every year for New Years' Eve -- but this year, FH gave me the DVD set for Christmas... can you hear that theme song in your head?

You're Simply Invited

2009-12-30T19:06:00.008-06:00

It's true our wedding isn't for several more months, but when there was a sale at the invitation store, combined with a promotion from the invitation company, I couldn't resist! So, we ordered the invitations a bit early and they're almost ready to be printed!

We're so excited to have chosen our invitations from Smock Papers, out of New York. The first time we saw them I knew they'd be perfect.

After going back & forth with wording, format, and layout, the proofs are here! I've had to block out some personal details, which really makes the invitations quite unattractive. Sorry! But trust me, they are beautiful.

If you're wondering why there's a website address in the lower right corner, we decided to do an online-only RSVP. We are very lucky that all of our guests - including parents & grandparents! - are relatively computer-savvy.

We were going to do a separate card with our website info, but I just couldn't justify the expense. Why pay to print a separate card with two lines on it? Since most of our guests are traveling, they'll need our website for more info anyway, and I personally don't like invitations with lots of little parts that are easy to lose. So we put it right on the invitation.

Etiquette guidelines say that you can put the website on the invitation only if it's for the express purpose of submitting a reply, so I think we're okay there. But honestly, once I had this idea in mind, there was no going back -- etiquette or not!

Click to enlarge:

Previously, I had written about my struggles with wording. Our original layout ended up being way too many words (what was I thinking?), and ruined the delicate spacing that led us to choose this invitation in the first place. So we simplified. No "together with our families," no "reception to follow," etc. I love the new version! What do you think? Can you spot any mistakes before we officially send it to the printers?

Engagement shoot redux.

2009-12-28T21:01:00.004-06:00

So we've recently come back from our engagement photoshoot in Chicago. Our photographers were every bit as wonderful in person as I anticipated, and it was fun to work with them. I loved the city, and we had a wonderful trip. We even stopped in Memphis on the way back and saw some museums.

I don't plan on using the photos for much; I hope to have a couple of shots for our wedding website, maybe one to frame in the house, one to display at the rehearsal dinner... and that's probably it. But coming away from the shoot I was worried about several things.

I never really found a coat to fit me. I kept ordering coats, but I have a lot of returns to process -- nothing worked. After we got to Chicago, a city where a stylish coat is practically mandatory, I found that there were many, many choices in my size -- but by the time I arrived, they were all gone. :( I ended up wearing my own camel colored pea coat, which only looks good open. But it was so cold that I had to close it, which means it looked weird.

I ended up having to wear my hat, which I purchased and didn't really intend to wear. A snowstorm that wasn't in the forecast ended up making things very cold and very wet -- and in several of the shots, I ended up wearing this little funny hat. I do not wear hats. I wish I had spent more time thinking about my accessories!

The aforementioned snow meant that we got very little pictures of my makeup & hair which I had worked hard on.

The good news: I was not worried about any of this during the shoot, which is great -- an uncomfortable subject ruins the shot, no matter how stylish! I imagine we got some good shots of us playing in the snow. We had a great time and FH insists that my little hat is adorable. (?)

Because I love blogging so much, and am so confident in my low readership, I'll post this picture of me, taken during our engagement shoot! While walking around, we spied this spectacular snowman and I asked FH to take a picture of it with his cameraphone. My students had just learned a song about snowmen, but most of them have never seen one! He even has a real carrot for a nose. This is down by the Chicago River, where it was super cold and windy!

There's nothing to do but wait & see... but I do wish I was better prepared. Oh well!

A trip, a photoshoot, and a deadline

2009-12-17T22:47:00.002-06:00

It's almost time for us to leave for Chicago and I'm super excited. This week, I decided to tackle several things (maybe too many!).

I decided to meet with the last few vendors I can before the holidays. It has just hit me that our six month countdown is fast approaching. I figure many girls will be getting engaged over Christmas and New Years' (like I was) and will want to plan their summer weddings! I decided I'd better get on it and met this week with both a wedding planner and an officiant.

Also, and perhaps more immediately, I needed to figure out what makeup I'll be wearing. Lately my skin hasn't been looking so good; ever since I quit using Mary Kay skincare about two years ago, it just hasn't been as bright and has been full of blemishes. After a few disastrous trips to the MAC store and to Sephora, I finally settled on a combination that, in a few short days, has made my skin look better than it has in years.

My face was looking ashy in pictures, and it turns out that my super-dry skin wasn't being exfoliated enough. I also needed some photo-worthy foundation with a fair amount of coverage.

I wash with Dr. Susan Taylor's RX for Brown Skin, the "Bright & Even" wash. I tried it years ago, but it was a sample and I couldn't afford it then. When the Sephora consultant suggested exfoliation, I thought of it right away. The cleanser is about $25 and it's definitely worth it! I only use it in the morning; too much exfoliation can bother your skin.

The moisturizer in this line just isn't enough for me, so I use L'Occitane's Ultra Rich Face Cream, but only once, in the morning (because at night it's just too heavy to sleep in). FH remarked right away how much softer my face felt. How nice!

For makeup, I use the highly recommended combination of the Smashbox Photofinish Primer (colorless) and Makeup Forever's HD foundation in shade 175.

At night, I use a drugstore-brand facial wipes with a light moisturizer.

I could have added a concealer and some other stuff, but I'm just not worried about it -- I don't expect too many close-ups from our photographer, and to me it's more important to take care of what's under the makeup before worrying about anything else. At the very least, I am getting my skin in shape for the big day!

Other than the makeup drama, I'm just packing like crazy and looking forward to a great time in the very Windy City!

Wedding Wednesday: Laurel & Derrick

2009-12-09T23:38:00.002-06:00

Wedding Wednesday is making a comeback! This week's inspiring wedding is one I've been looking at for a while, Jory Cordy's beautiful work with the wedding of Laurel & Derrick.

Laurel & Derrick were married in one of my favorite Dallas venues, the Apartment. It's a beautiful place that is a total blank slate -- you can do just about anything you want with it. They did a beautiful job! I love the black/white/neutral color palette, which gives this modern wedding a sense of timelessness.

But what will I wear?

2009-12-02T17:44:00.017-06:00

Ever since we hired our photographer, who is based in Chicago, I have really gotten more interested in the city. I've always loved big cities and the allure they hold; the convergence of people & culture... and I'm excited to visit a place I've only heard about in near-mythical terms.

Well, I'll get my chance -- in about three weeks, we're having our engagement pictures done - in Chicago! The area I live in (Dallas) is no slouch in the "city" department, but it will be so much fun to visit a new place. We'll be having our pictures done somewhere downtown, which I imagine will be decorated beautifully for the holidays. It might even be snowing!

Since FH has ties to the area (he went to grad school there) and I am just excited in general, we've decided to make a little vacation of it. We've planned a couple of activities to do and hope to hang around and see how the locals do it. So many things to plan: hotels to book, plane tickets, what to do with the cats while we're away, booking a pre-photoshoot hair appointment, figuring out WHAT TO WEAR.

I am someone who gets *very* cold, so being cute while freezing is just not on my agenda. I have to come up with some way to be stylish and photogenic while keeping warm. Since I'm in the market for a new coat anyway, I might as well incorporate it into my look!

I have a couple of inspirations. One is this lovely engagement-in-the-snow portrait (plenty more beautiful shots where these came from):

I love the white coat in the snow. Of course, part of the drama of this shot is the falling snow, which I have no idea whether we can replicate. But she looks nice. Here's another, more dramatic shot (different couple, different photographer):

Yesterday, I found this paparazzi photo from jezebel.com:

I like this look very much. While I don't think I want ~~my fiance to attack my ear~~ to buy a printed coat, I love the casual structure of this look, the way the scarf fits, the sleek gloves. It helps that I love her hair as well. This is a good example of how I'd like to look... but without the ear-biting guy, thanks.

So, now I need a coat. I love the look of a light color, because I know photographically I'll just disappear in black. I fell for this Old Navy coat. It was perfect: a good length, some waist definition, the little pockets, the fabric across the back... but when it arrived it wasn't nearly as flattering as it appeared.

The length was all wrong (it fell halfway between my calves & my ankles), the waist was too high, the sleeves didn't fit. I ordered two sizes; one was too small, and one was too big. Back to square one!

I found this military coat at DrJays.com, which bills itself as an "urban" clothing store:

Not sure if it's what I'm after, since it only comes in black. But I love the cut & the length. There's certainly plenty of structure there! I also love that Dr. Jays' plus size section features one model, and it tells you what size she's wearing in the picture. So helpful!

Then I found Avenue.com, which features Jessica London coats. Jackpot! My three favorites:

My only complaint is the length. I'm not nearly as tall as these models! Of these three, my favorite is the walking coat (shown in camel; I'd get gray), with the tweed coat a close second. I love those open necklines!

For accessories, I'm thinking some pretty drop earrings, a scarf in a beautiful face framing color (maybe a dark pink, to go with the gray coat and my brown-ish hair) & gloves. Add my jeans & a sweater, and I'll be set!

How much thought did you put into your engagement portrait outfit?

Coming Together...

2009-11-28T23:08:00.004-06:00

I'm starting to get a definite vision for the wedding now, less than eight months away. (!) So, I decided to make another inspiration board. Here it is (click to enlarge)!

I've been leaning toward the classic black-tie look, with a light pink/neutral color scheme. I don't have a lot of details yet, mostly because (a) there aren't going to be too many of them and (b) I haven't picked them yet! But here's an overall look. I imagine it will be honed down quite a bit between now and the big day! You might recognize the man in the tuxedo from my post on menswear the other day.

Credits:
Place setting/table flowers by Cherie Photo (Amy & Sean).
Bridal bouquet and aisle flowers from D Weddings, photo by Steven Karlisch (Lillian & Charles).
Earrings by Tejani, style B0877.
Small floral arrangement by Karen Tran.
Image of Darcy Miller Nussbaum at her wedding from Martha Stewart Weddings, photo by Holger Thoss (Darcy & Andy).
Invitations from Smock Papers (style Vettore).
Place cards from Martha Stewart Weddings, photo by Dan Loh (Priya & Ralph).
Dress from Priscilla of Boston, style 4111.
Man in tuxedo from David Wittig (Dena & Gavin).
Image of engagement set from the internet.

First "Engaged" Holidays

2009-11-27T09:23:00.004-06:00

It's the holidays! Last year at this time, I was minding my own business, quietly wondering if my boyfriend was "the one," enjoying the holiday season, but with one eye on all those ubiquitous diamond commercials!

What a difference a year makes! Here we are, with entirely new reasons to be thankful this year... and the realization that next year at this time, we'll be married! How exciting.

I am truly blessed to be marrying into a family that is so nice and loving and has embraced me. This week, I went shopping with FMIL and she said she needed another pie to complete her Thanksgiving meal. I love to bake and was planning to bring something anyway, so I offered. I ended up making a pecan pie -- the first time ever!

When I was a kid, I baked apple pies nearly every year (starting when I was like 10 or so) and I generally love to bake. So while not a novice to pies in general, I was new to this one. I warned FMIL of my inexperience, and she gave me a bag of pecans and said, "See what happens!" So I did.

I was initially stressed out about it, since I didn't want to use corn syrup and I couldn't find too many recipes without it. But when I got to Whole Foods, my initial plan to use a combination of maple syrup & honey was thwarted by high prices, and I found some brown rice syrup instead. The recipe I ended up using was from the Better Homes & Gardens cookbook, the same one my mother cooked from all those years.

The pie turned out perfect: despite a Kitchenaid mishap (I must remember to choose an attachment that reaches all the way to the bottom of the bowl) and some inexperience, the pie was a big hit and tasted great! Here it is, ready to go to Grandma's house:

I also made a breakfast quiche for FH & I, and some delicious Williams-Sonoma cranberry squares (an unpublished recipe found only in their store, apparently).

Since I am still adjusting to FH's house, I wasn't moving as quickly as I normally would; I generally felt kind of out of place and like I didn't have room to cook and couldn't find anything. I didn't feel too much pressure to make everything perfect until Thanksgiving morning, when mishap after mishap threatened to ruin my baking projects.

In an extremely rare moment of 1950s-era traditionalism, I said to him, "What if I am not a very good wife in the kitchen, and I keep my husband & kids hungry and waiting for food that's not very good?" And he says, "Since when are you responsible for all the food in the house?" Good point. Don't you just love modern feminist men?

Menswear Redux

2009-11-24T09:47:00.000-06:00

My poor FH has never worn a tuxedo. "What did you wear to your 1st wedding?" "It was casual," he says. "Well, what did you wear to prom?" He said, "Well, I can't remember the prom!" What can I say to that?

But luckily, he is more than willing to wear a beautiful suit for our wedding! We've decided to try and purchase the suit if we can, so he can wear it again. A few weekends ago, we went shopping for the first time, and were able to narrow some things down. Also helpful was Style Me Pretty's five part series on menswear (linked below).

It seems there are endless choices; size of lapel, what type of shirt to wear, etc. etc. How is it that there can be so many choices, when they all end up looking mostly the same?

Anyway, we narrowed it down to a nice classic black suit, peak lapels, and a nice tie instead of the standard bow-tie look. I was prepared for another round of shopping, when last night I was trolling through my RSS and found this post from photographer David Wittig.

FH looks over my shoulder at the handsome couple, and points to the groom. "Hey isn't that kind of what we were looking at? Is that a tuxedo?" And I said yes.

"Hey, that looks nice. I like it," he says. And just like that, it was done. Guys are so easy!

In case your fiancé isn't quite as easygoing as mine, here are the links to Style Me Pretty's super-helpful series for men in five parts:
part 1
part 2
part 3
part 4
part 5

Money Matters in Marriage, pt. 2

2009-11-20T21:39:00.000-06:00

The second article, "Five Money Woes That Can Trouble a Marriage," is more about the unexpected things that can get you down. When a couple is facing the next 40+ years of their lives together, it's impossible to predict everything and pre-determine your answers to things. After all, many of the things that financially devastate us are also emotionally wrenching, and we can't say with certainty how we'd react in the future.

I think this one is more about finding out your responses to crises, and your approach to catastrophe, and a reminder to deal with things as a couple, as a team; and of course, everyone should have a nest egg.

Continuing this theme was last Thursday's front page feature, the story of the Bachmuth family, whose young daughter is literally pulling her hair out from the stress Mr. Bachmuth's job loss has imposed on his whole family. Particularly interesting were the issues of traditional family/gender/breadwinner roles, and how a shift in those roles can be devastating (or not).

Many of the comments following the article are judgmental (okay, the couple's argument about firing the cleaning lady does sound a little out of touch), but the audio slide show puts things into perspective. From the pictures & audio, I saw a couple struggling with something they never thought would happen to them, and they are handling it the best they know how.

Do I think I'd react differently to that financial situation? Absolutely; I see a lot of issues here that seem bigger than the current economic crisis. But I can't judge. Who knows what marriage will bring? All we can do is promise to work through it -- together.

*Image of the Bachmuth family by Michael Stravato for the New York Times.

Money Matters in Marriage, pt. 1

2009-11-13T19:17:00.010-06:00

Like most people, I don't like talking about finances, but I promised myself I'd spend as much energy preparing for the wedding as I would preparing for the marriage... so I try to confront these potentially uncomfortable issues when I get a chance.

The New York Times has published several articles on couples' finances in the past two weeks.

The articles, by Ron Lieber, are very helpful, if brief, and are in two parts (actually three, but more on that in a minute). The first one, "Four Talks About Money to Have Before Marriage," outlines the ways in which marital finances are impacted by our upbringing, our expectations, our attitudes toward money, and other habits.

When it comes to this, I know I'm definitely not perfect when it comes to finances. I tend to hyper-manage my money, sometimes even programming my browser's home screen to go to my bank's webpage so I can remind myself of what I spend. Not surprisingly, I'm also a spreadsheet junkie. :)

This means, though, that I tend to over-budget, which leaves little room for surprises, and that I worry about money when sometimes I don't need to. I also attach guilt to my spending, which means I'm extremely frugal for a while and might blow it later. I can trace all this to my childhood, which was marked by economic ups & downs, and my fear of repeating my late father's money management mistakes.

But also, my father's death really was a catalyst for me thinking about money; I was 20, so it would have happened close to that age anyway, I guess. But most vivid in my memory are all the times my father "had to work," and everything he missed as a result (we had an especially poignant conversation when I left for college, where he confessed that he felt he didn't really know me, because he'd missed so much). Our relationship definitely suffered because of that, as did his marriage to my mom.

And then he was gone, and it didn't matter at all how much he had to work. And all those material things he'd amassed; they were still here, and he wasn't, and they didn't matter much either.

I decided then that for my life, for myself, security would always be more important than wealth. I don't mind driving a 10 year old car if I have the means to maintain it. Our house doesn't have to be the biggest, but if it's safe and clean and comfortable and everything works, I'll be happy. There are more important things.

Fortunately, my fiancé's approach to money wasn't shaped by anything nearly as traumatic. He had a more consistent upbringing, and doesn't feel guilty for the occasional splurge or two. He isn't near as spreadsheet-happy as I am, so he leaves that to me -- and I don't mind a bit!

Anyway, the fiancé and I had certainly discussed these issues, but these things repeatedly come up in a marriage, and the article helped facilitate another good conversation.

Do you plan to talk to your FH/FW about finances? Do you like these kinds of discussions?

Worth a thousand (more) words

2009-11-09T21:00:00.008-06:00

This weekend, after placing my invitation order, I was so pleased to have something done so early. For a July wedding, I wouldn't need to order them until January or February, and mail them at the end of April. But the company is giving a discount to orders placed before the end of the year, so I was planning to order them in a month. Then, the invitation shop had a promotion for an additional discount this week, so there you go!

The lovely invitations are probably the only thing I've been 100% consistent about throughout this entire wedding planning process. The wording should be simple and formal. Easy, right? I arrived at the shop with all the information in tow (typed up, no less!) and today I got the call.

They want to change my invitation wording because it is improper!

Specifically, they want to change my "half past five" to "half after five" and we disagree about the usage of "two thousand ten" vs. "two thousand and ten." (They prefer the latter, by the way.) All my research says that both are acceptable, but it seems that "half after" and "two thousand and ten" are most likely related to British usage and are therefore more formal.

Two things at work here. First of all, I am having a formal wedding, which requires a formal invitation with formal wording. So I get that this is the time to be "correct."

But I wonder if these etiquette rules might just be too obscure for me. Who IN THE WORLD says "half after five"? I've never seen it; every wedding invitation I've seen says "half past." Every invitation also says "two thousand and ten" and since it looks better in print, I might concede that one. I might even write "half after" for the time... but I can just imagine my family calling up saying, "When is the wedding?"

On the other hand, just because large swaths of people don't understand an etiquette rule doesn't mean it's invalid.

We'll see. At this point, the invitation reads:

Together with their families
[Bride] and [Groom]
request the pleasure of your company
at their marriage
[Day] the [nth] of July
two thousand and ten
at half after (?) five in the evening
[Name of place]
[City, State]
Reception to follow

[in the lower right hand corner]:
R.s.v.p. before [Month] [Date]
[website address]

I had originally written, "Please r.s.v.p. by [date], but realized that, while in English, "to r.s.v.p." is a verb or a noun, it's actually a phrase that already contains the word please (Respondez, s'il-vous plait). But most people will read it as a verb, so...

Honestly, I'm surprised that I care so much. But as someone who loves to write and is interested in what words mean to different people, this is actually kind of fascinating.

Also, I think it's funny how wedding invitations, like so many aspects of the wedding itself, bring out these issues of class and style. I think many wedding disputes we have now are the result of being in different classes, and of our culture being in sort of a transitional period with different cultures & class systems. I mean, wouldn't this be easier (but so much more boring!) if every member of one family was in the same social class (and thus, had the same expectations for your wedding)? But, thankfully, that hardly relates to any Americans anymore. Interesting.

*The photo is of Emily Post, who frightens me a little.

Verily, Vera

2009-10-29T18:00:00.005-06:00

I'm not quite a die-hard fan of Vera Wang's wedding dresses, but I am a fan of Vera herself. I remember when the Lifetime channel was getting into the wedding-tv craze, they would air a biography of her every so often, and I watched it nearly every time it was on.

When I heard her describe her latest line on the Martha Stewart Show "wedding" episode, I thought it seemed uninspired. What bride wants to look like her dress just came from the washing machine??

But when it comes to individual dresses and ideas, Vera's thought process is so interesting. The other day, yet another celebrity was married in a custom Vera. Ivanka Trump's beautiful dress got lots of people thinking twice about how beautiful & sexy one can be... without showing everything! Ivanka is pictured below, with her dress inspiration, Princess Grace.

A small but vocal number of brides (and photographers, and seamstresses, I'm sure) have been lamenting the recent strapless craze, and just today Vera reported that she is "tired" of strapless dresses. Amen! I can't *wait* for this trend to move along, and for sleeves (or, coverage in general) to be seen as a beautiful option instead of being relegated to the un-sexy, the dowdy, the über-traditional.

Of course, Ivanka is a recent convert to Orthodox Judaism, and presumably decided on sleeves for this reason. But what if that wasn't the reason? Currently, several of the articles describing her dress are quick to make the excuse, almost as if to say, "Well, she could have been sexy, but her religion got in the way."

Yes, we liberated women don't need to trumpet our chastity down the aisle. But wouldn't it be even more progressive if we acknowledged the complexity of both? That one doesn't have to choose, that you can be both sexy and tasteful at once, that maybe your sexiness lies in your decision to be tasteful? That maybe there are other things to be on your wedding day besides sexy?

In this video, Vera talks through her process for Ivanka's dress, and makes some interesting points regarding chastity, class, and modesty in wedding dresses. She also throws out the idea that not too long ago, it would never have been proper for a woman of a higher class to wear a revealing dress. Imagine that!

Just a little backwards

2009-10-26T20:59:00.000-06:00

The Secret Sociologist offers a decent dissection of Justice Keith Bardwell's interracial marriage comments from last week.

It's no fun...

2009-10-24T18:29:00.000-05:00

It's no fun being sick! Sorry for the lack of posts. Pink Broom will return shortly.

DIY + HTML + CSS...

2009-10-17T12:56:00.004-05:00

I'm not much into DIY stuff... at least not super crafty things like my invites, or making paper balls or sewing a dress. (I did have a plan to DIY the flowers... FH talked me out of that!) I was, however, dead-set on building my own wedding webpage.

I already have a low-maintenance website for my photography, and I just couldn't justify paying for a website when I already pay $100+ every year to a hosting company, which allows me to host an unlimited number of URLs. So, I paid $10 for our domain name, and got to work.

Halfway through our engagement, I finally have a wedding page I almost like. But it's taken me 6 months to do what someone else could have done in a few hours! The problem is that my coding skills, where 1 is inserting hyperlinks and 10 is coding a webpage from scratch, are about at level 5. So that's an issue. The other is that I don't have any major web-building software (Dreamweaver, Flash, etc.), so I'm limited to something I can install for free through my webhost.

I started out with a wordpress page, and I hated it right from the start. A wedding webpage should store lots of information, be simple to navigate, and relatively static (I don't think the front page should be changing all the time, for instance). I didn't like the blog-looking format. Also, I couldn't find any templates that were "wedding-y" enough. I worked on the page for a while and left it alone.

About a week ago, I decided that it wasn't enough and threw the whole thing out. In addition to wordpress, my hosting company has an easy 1-click install of Joomla, so I used that and, after a bunch of tutorials & Google searches, I've learned it. I've got the hang of it now, and I like the page. Click here to see the template I used.

It's a work in progress. I'm very proud of myself for adding a favicon. (!) Also, I'm going to create a registration-only portion of the site for the immediate family & bridal party, so they can have access to some extra information that I'd rather keep a surprise for the rest of our guests. I know Joomla has a bunch of form plug-ins, but we're just using a Google spreadsheet for our online-only RSVP.

I know the blogging bridal community has developers & coders far more talented than I. Anyone out there build your own page? How did you do it?

Photo from flickr user RosePhotosEtc.

Let the music play....

2009-10-13T21:14:00.003-05:00

Well, now that the photographer debacle has, hopefully, been put behind us, FH cheerfully asked me, "What's the next step?" The truth is, at this point, there are MANY next steps, but the one that's got my attention lately is our music choice.

In addition to being a photographer, I'm a music teacher, so this one is another high-priority item for me. I'm much less stressed about it, though, because it just is something that isn't as timeless and permanent as the wedding photographs were. So I'd like to have a little fun with things. In fact, I'd hire college students if I could, but the wedding is in the summer and who knows where they'll be!

For the ceremony, I'm thinking of a sort of classic/romantic vibe. Our ceremony room has a pretty swirly pattern on the carpet, pretty, gold chandeliers, gold-ish chiavari chairs, and is decorated in neutral colors. I have some beautiful floral ideas, too. One whole wall is windows, and the ceremony will be in the evening (so, nice light from an almost-sunset? I hope?). For this, I'm thinking of something like a string quartet or a harpist. My cousin, an orchestra teacher, has offered to play violin, so I'd definitely like to incorporate that somehow. It would also be special to me since she played at my mom's wedding about 5 years ago.

I was wondering if the harp music wouldn't be too insubstantial or somehow less "formal" than a quartet. I still don't know about that, but it's sure beautiful! In doing my youtube research, I found this video of a beautiful harpist (playing while the birds sing!).

For cocktail hour, I got the idea of having a nice, classic, jazz trio: piano, drums, and string bass. Plus, one of the sticking points with this venue is that it has a grand piano in our reception room! How could I not utilize that?! People will mix & mingle, drinks will be served, hors d'ouevres will be passed, people will be finding their placecards and being seated. I just thought it would be great to get the party started with some live music, and jazz is pretty neutral. I've found a great Brazilian trio here in the Dallas area, and they seem wonderful and just perfect for us. Problem is, I'm not sure if they're in our budget, and I just don't care enough to do a whole bunch of spreadsheet-shuffling at the moment. I'm tired of spending money! We'll see how this goes.

And for the reception, we already have a DJ in place. Can't wait to work with him! He's just sent me an email in advance of our meeting after the holidays. He says that I need to start working on my must play/do-not-play lists. Seems a little overwhelming.

I suppose my biggest concern is that we have enough music to keep the party going. I really would love for people to have a great time, and dance all night long!

Photo from flickr user "...Steve".

Playing the Wedding Card

2009-10-10T18:48:00.005-05:00

I was trying to pay one of my vendors, and my card was declined. Oh no! The result of poor money management? Cutting it too close between a deposit and a payout?

Nope (well, at least not this time)!

Turns out I have a daily "transaction limit" on the card. Who knew? So, I called the bank... best to speak to them and make sure they knew I wasn't the victim of some scam. As I spoke to them, they wanted to know why I needed the limit increased, and I told them that I'm planning a wedding and trying to make deposits.

As I said this, the lady on the phone is *so* excited for me. "Congratulations!" she says, and puts the limit increase through immediately. "Weddings are so exciting! I hope you have a wonderful day!" I thought it was very sweet, especially since her enthusiasm and sincerity came through, even over the phone.

Inadvertently, I'd played the "wedding" card, and received excellent customer service as a result. Unfair? Perhaps. I mean, if I'd been trying to appeal to her good will to get "one up" over some other customer, like cutting in line or something, I suppose. But I think of all those wedding advice columns, that instruct brides & grooms to make sure the hotel & restaurant staff know that you're on your honeymoon. Sometimes you'll get a perk, sometimes not. I don't think there's any harm in appealing to people's natural sense of good will.

Have you played the wedding card? How did it work out?

Photo from Flickr user !efatima

Nine Months!

2009-10-08T18:15:00.006-05:00

This week marks nine months until the wedding. It also means I am halfway through our engagement.

Holy moly.

I realize many people successfully plan their weddings in a lot less than 9 months, but for me, it's a milestone; not only is it the halfway point, but it's about the time that I've started to look more closely at our wedding as something more than some abstract day in the future.

When I'd speak with vendors, especially early on, it was just impossible for me to imagine the actual wedding. I knew I wanted to marry FH, sure. And I knew I wanted our family & friends there, and that I wanted things to be beautiful and interesting and for everyone to be happy. But I think that's all I knew, and all I needed to know. After all, isn't it more important to focus on the big picture of what a marriage and wedding means?

My abstract thinking was helpful in every instance but one, but I'm glad for my little photographer crisis. I could finally picture this wedding as something real, and relate it to me personally, and start to imagine myself as a bride. Maybe it's related to FH and I having a relatively short courtship, or maybe it's because for so many years I thought I'd only be relegated to taking pictures of brides, and not being one. Who knows? But it's here now, and there's no denying it.

In the next 3 months, I'd like to:
- Decide on: Floral/table décor, a dress (!)
- Book: Portrait photographer, wedding planner, officiant, ceremony & cocktail hour musicians
- Initial meetings with planner & DJ
- Finish our website
- Plan/book our upcoming trip (see below)

Let's see... what have I done so far?
- Finished: Budget, timeline, guest list.
- Booked: Venue/caterer, photographer, DJ, florist.
- Found: Fabric store/seamstress (for the dress!), wedding planner
- Purchased: Bridal jewelry.

And just when it seems that we've checked off another item, we end up adding another one. With the addition of our new photographers, who are out of state, we need to travel to have our engagement session done. We thought about having them visit us here in Dallas, but it seemed prohibitive for a 2 hour photoshoot. As it turns out, FH has some friends in their area, and for the same amount we could go visit a new (to me, anyway) city and have some great pictures done.

Can anyone recommend any must-sees in Chicago?

Previous "countdown" posts

In Front of My Face

2009-10-04T16:21:00.004-05:00

So finding a photogapher became a full time job. I started scouring websites, posting in message boards, looking for recommendations. I had one "dream photographer" in the DFW area, but I thought he was way too expensive. Once I had my unfortunate epiphany, I found a way to afford him... but by then he was booked. So, back to the drawing board.

And what kind of wedding will we be having? I asked myself this repeatedly as Jessica Claire's words rang in my head.

Style: I imagine our wedding to be timeless & classic. We're not using a lot of "trendy" ideas or superfluous stuff. Okay, that's easy.
We are not a particularly "wacky" couple... so someone who focuses on capturing wild and unexpected moments probably isn't for us.
Time of day & location: Well, it's Dallas in the summer, so our wedding is indoors. This would eliminate anyone who does primarily outdoor, sunset, California-style weddings (or those featured on the wedding blogs lately... when are they going to stop with all the outdoor weddings!).

What do my instincts say? I realized that I react most to beautiful, classic images taken with film; black & white images capturing emotion, moments with family & friends, private moments between couples, fine art-style detail shots of dresses and veils and other details.

I came up with a rating system that helped me sort based on personality, technical know-how, customer service, and a few other things. But pretty quickly it came down to one thing: feeling.

I had to see images so good that I wanted to go back to them again & again. They had to be good enough for me to feel something every single time, to say, "Oh, how cute!" instead of "nice lighting." An absence of gimmicks, overprocessing, or images that were technically brilliant but lifeless. The images needed to tell the story of the day and give me a sense of who the couple is, and make me react, again and again.

But who? Whose images do I keep looking at? And it turns out the answer was right in front of me. There's a blog I subscribe to that has beautiful images. Every time this photographer posts a new wedding, I always take time out to stop and look at the slideshow, or at the pictures, or whatever. I consistently loved them. But I never thought of him for our wedding. He's too far away! Too expensive! And besides, he's like a celebrity to me, someone whose work I've studied and loved for two years or so.

Eventually, I got over myself and dared to click over to his pricing page. Hey, it was in our budget! And he's not as far away as I thought! I sent an inquiry for availability, and while I waited, I looked at the images repeatedly and in-depth. It seemed perfect. Plus, his artistic style meant that FH was on board, too.

Two days later, I got word -- he's available! The past week has been spent with emails back & forth, spreadsheet calculations, telephone consultations, and finally, we submitted our package request and are waiting for the final contract. Success!

I'll make a formal announcement and introduction when it gets closer to the wedding. I can't wait! I can't believe the answer was in front of me the whole time!

Photographers, Seeking Same

2009-09-29T23:25:00.005-05:00

Knowing that I was looking at photographers in a different way than most brides, I decided to quit looking at endless websites & photographers' blogs and just think about what I wanted from this particular vendor. And who better to listen to than someone who's already faced this dilemma?

Wedding photographers! And this week, I've been listening more closely than ever. As I continue with this drama (not much happening at the moment, just in between meetings & phone calls, and evaluating portfolios), here's what's been ringing in my head:

"I don't believe [that] every photographer (or any photographer) is the best at everything. I think that certain people are the best at specific things, and Jose [Villa] is the best at the particular kind of wedding that Jeff and I are going to be having." - Jessica Claire

Hmm. What kind of wedding are we having? Better answer this one, quick.

"My priorities for a wedding photographer were [...] that I be able to look at the wedding photos and know undoubtedly that he/she did the best job with our day that could be done..." - Jessica Claire

No pressure, right??

"On my wedding day itself, I want the day to just unfold organically and I want to remember the story and all of the little stories that make up the big story. I want to see moments in my pictures that maybe I wasn’t even present for and I want to be able to relive the way the day felt. So, knowing this I knew that I wanted to go with someone who is a photojournalist…someone who can tell a story with an image…someone who can create images that say more than what is at first obvious to the viewer. Images that make you want to look a little deeper and stare a little longer." - Justine Ungaro

This one I'd already considered... one of my long-standing marks of a good photographer is that his/her images make me cry, even when I don't know the people in them.

I needed to do some soul-searching, think long & hard about how I want our wedding to be remembered, and fast.

*Photo of Justine Ungaro on her wedding day by Greg Gibson

First Bout of Wedding Anguish

2009-09-28T21:10:00.006-05:00

Hey, what's a blog without a little drama, right? Well, for the past week, I've had plenty of internal drama.

So I'm a photographer, and I've been informally studying photography for years. For the past two, I've been seriously into wedding photography. If there's a top name out there, I know it.

But since I can't afford those top names, I started looking for a local & affordable photographer the minute I got engaged. After seven months, I found one. I met him, he was nice, and I booked him.

Sure, there were some shots that needed better lighting. Sure, I would need to process some of the shots. And maybe some of them should have been in black & white. But it's okay. He's been in lots of magazines. He's world class. He gets good reviews! And besides, I don't need any of those high-class photographers. What would they do with someone like me, anyway?

This conversation went on in my head for weeks. The truth is, for some strange reason, I was totally intimidated by the idea of hiring one of the best. They kind of scared me. And I was somehow unable to fully admit how incredibly important photography is to me. I just didn't want to face up to it -- the wedding is one event, over in one day, and every decision counts. Especially this one.

Once the original photog cashed my check, it really hit the fan. I started seeing his blog posts, and the photography has actually gotten worse. Technical issues galore, allowing strange people to second-shoot... it was awful. Finally, after one weekend looking at wedding photog's sites and thinking, "Wow, I'll never get a shot like that from _____," it was time to make a choice.

And I've decided to fire my photographer. I feel awful... we'll be walking away from our 25% deposit (and I hope we don't owe anymore), and I feel terrible that my lack of self-esteem and poor judgment led to such a money- and time-wasting decision. But at least it's not at the expense of my wedding photos.

I also want to add that this guy is a wonderful photographer, for many happy clients a year. But just not me. I've realized that I want a style of photography that he just doesn't offer, and my technical picky-ness isn't a reflection of his talent. But in order for me to be happy, I have to move in a different direction.

Making that decision gave me the most peace I've felt in weeks.

And now we start again...!

The dress: Which fabric?

2009-09-18T18:34:00.003-05:00

Now that I've chosen my dress, I need to figure out what fabric to use. As mentioned, I'm partial to silk dupioni, but I'm not sure if it needs something heavier. While studying fabrics, I found it absolutely fascinating to see how silk is made. I remember a couple years ago watching a documentary about it, and I found this cool how-to with pictures and explanations.

I also found this *wonderful* glossary from, of all places, J. Crew.

Our cotton cady comes from a premier Japanese mill. This fabric has a compact weave and a crisp cotton hand, making it ideal for structured silhouettes that fit the body perfectly without drape. Our designers love the juxtaposition of simple cotton with a very elegant shimmer.

Cotton organdy: an ethereal, semi-sheer fabric with a stiff, crisp finish that seems to float on air. Ours is covered with gently swaying, embroidered flowers and comes from the same Japanese house that makes our very best eyelet laces.

Our signature cotton, also known as Liberty Tana lawn (named after Lake Tana in Sudan where the cotton was originally grown), comes from Liberty Art Fabric—legendary for their distinctive textiles and prints. It's a soft, lightweight, woven cotton, combed with a crisp finish and boasting a graceful drape.

Pronounced "tool" and well-known as the stuff ballerina tutus and wedding veils are made of, we use it as a crinoline in our Whitney dress to give the skirt a dramatic silhouette. The word "tulle" comes from the French city of that name, but it applies to hexagonal mesh fabric no matter where it's made.

A very refined, utterly elegant fabric with a cool, dry hand. We searched far and wide for an airy, angelic fabric like this and finally found it at an Italian mill with a sterling reputation for fine linens.

This softly rippled fabric is silk-cotton cloqué with a "hammered" finish and a full-bodied drape. It's specially treated during the weaving process for a slightly crisp handfeel and a very festive rustle.

Also known as crepe-backed satin, it's a designer's dream because either side of this splendid fabric can be used as the face. The contrast of matte crepe and shiny satin in the same design, coupled with a luxurious drape, is simply spectacular.

Crinkle silk chiffon lends an ethereal quality to party dresses and gowns. Its whisper-light beauty and subtle texture adds a touch of dimension to basic chiffon. It drapes beautifully, and takes dyes and prints particularly well.

The marriage of smooth silk and crisp cotton creates a lightweight, diaphanous fabric with a subtle shine and a soft handfeel. We think it's just perfect for a wedding dress.

Dupioni is a lustrous silk characterized by a quiet sheen and nubby texture. Woven in India, dupioni takes dye beautifully and thus, is often shown in a wide range of rich colors. Its crisp hand makes it a popular choice for dresses as it lends subtle structure and elegant drape.

A four-ply, crisp organza with a tight weave. We get ours from a very famous Italian mill. It's a heavier fabric with an even texture and a luxurious matte finish.

A heavier, elaborately woven fabric that combines several textures into one material. It's a subtle way to wear a pattern, making it a perfectly unexpected option for a wedding gown.

The ultimate in elegance with a luxurious feel and a brilliantly lustrous shimmer. This rich, substantial fabric has a crisp, firm texture with raised cords, making it ideal for structured silhouettes that exude sophistication and drama.

An ultra-luxurious, very special fabric usually reserved for royal weddings and haute couture. This midweight Italian silk is so rare that we have only a few limited gowns available.

Lightweight and lustrous, it's woven the same way the Persians made silk taftah five-hundred years ago: with very fine, almost invisible ribs that make a festive rustle whenever you move.

Silk tricotine is a triple-ply matte fabric with a twilled weave and a slight sheen. Cut on the bias, it has a heavy drape with a beautiful, flowing movement. It's substantial enough to shape itself to the body without cling.

The smoothest silk with a touch of wool, lending a very sumptuous hand to the fabric. Silk wool is known for taking color beautifully and imparting a rich, deep lustre.

Slub silk was historically used for "high court" gowns because of its luxurious handfeel. The subtle, uneven texture of the fabric is due to the weaving of double strands of silk. We love the rich look and feel of it for our special occasion dresses.

Wedding Wednesday: Engagement Shoot

2009-09-16T21:48:00.004-05:00

Here's a great engagement shoot I found via So You're EnGAYged, which celebrates its 6 month anniversary this week. All week they're featuring beautifully photographed weddings and all kinds of ideas & inspiration. This shoot comes to us from Nasilele Photography and features a very nice photojournalistic look.

I, of course, am a sucker for a sweet shot with a camera!

And all things pink.

Congratulations to these two who are so handsome and lucky in love! Photographed by Nasilele Photography (click for full post).

Choosing a DJ

2009-09-10T19:07:00.004-05:00

Since a few of my major vendors are already booked, I thought I'd post something about the selection process.

I am super excited to work with our DJ. I thought (for about 5 minutes) of having an iPod reception (remember, I was in "garden wedding" mode), but I gave up on that idea fast. There are just too many variables, and asking a friend to DJ our wedding instead of being an actual guest seemed kind of sad, and we didn't have anyone we thought would volunteer. That said, I think an ipod wedding can work very well if you're creative & have the resources (sound system, a consistently working laptop, etc.). Because we are into international music and mixed genres, I didn't even consider a live band, although I do plan to have live music for the ceremony & cocktail hour.

So I knew I wanted a DJ. I know that FH and I are *major* music fiends, and we needed someone with the expertise and interests to be able to play several different genres and get the crowd to relate to them all. I also wanted someone who could keep the party moving. Our party would be quite a challenge; we'll have people of all ages, from 2- and 6- year olds up to people in their 80s, and we want them all to have a great time.

Other than that I had no idea where to start with this, no idea about price points or anything except what theknot.com calculator said a DJ should cost. I started emailing at random. I started by looking at the vendors in the one place I'm familiar: other photographers' blogs. Seriously! I already subscribe to a million photography blogs, several of them local, and it's a great resource. If the people were having a great time in the photos, I paid extra special attention to who the DJ was.

I sent out brief emails saying we were looking for a DJ with experience with multicultural crowds and an interest in different genres of music.

One person wrote back and said I was "weird." Another didn't respond.

Then, I found one more DJ on WeddingWire. He just had a nice look about him, and his website was pretty good. I emailed him and not only could he accommodate us, but he seemed excited about it! On speaking to him, he was just as congenial and knowledgeable as his emails suggested. I liked him so much that I figured his price was high -- and it was. A quick search, however, revealed that what I thought was "high" was "average for this area."

It was four months before I called him back to book him for our wedding. In the meantime, I discovered that he was DJ for a wedding of one of my coworkers, who had a beautiful wedding about a year ago. I felt comfortable with him, and it was a no-brainer.

We'll see how it goes next summer, but I have a pretty good feeling about it. We'll be meeting in December to talk about details, song lists, and schedules. I'll be compiling my song list in the meantime!

Let Them Eat Some Other Kind of Cake

2009-09-01T22:14:00.008-05:00

Despite our wedding being almost a year away, there are some things we've already decided. For some reason, neither of us can get excited about wedding cake. We always laugh when that cake show commercial comes on and the baker says, "The cake is the center of the wedding!" Really? Cake?! The center? Of the WEDDING? And then we dissolve into giggles.

I don't know why; I've been to plenty of weddings and had some pretty good cake. But I just can't justify paying $600-$1,000 (or more!) for what might just turn out to be expertly decorated waxy sugar. Although I definitely appreciate the artistry of those cake bakers & decorators; I know it's hard work!

So far, we've come up with the idea of having a cake display table. I'd love to have some cakes from our favorite local stores (Whole Foods makes an amazing plain round cake), accompanied by some photos on display and, Mr. PinkBroom's idea, to have some interesting or humorous cake toppers. I believe my mother saved her cake topper from her marriage to my dad nearly 40 (!) years ago; maybe we could put that among them.

I love this cake table from Jill & Mike's wedding:

For the record, I can't stand those cake toppers showing the bride dragging the groom away somewhere, those are awful. But maybe we could find a way to display a bunch of little humorous cake toppers, like this one currently making the rounds:

Ha!

Anyone else out there doing something alternative for your wedding cake?

How'm I Doin'?

2009-08-28T22:22:00.002-05:00

On the sidebar, I've added a task list so you can see my wedding progress! As you can see, I've got quite a bit to do, which seems normal for someone with 11 months left.

I decided to list items based on what I've done so far, rather than what still has to be done, because that would get seriously overwhelming.

Idea of the Day: Handpainted Invites

2009-08-24T20:52:00.006-05:00

I was reading my Weddingbee RSS feed and "discovered" Momental Designs, a company that does handpainted invitations. Really! Handpainted! Here's how she does it.

I loved reading about Kristy Rice and especially her blog, where she features her current projects and customizations. Her "blooms" series is my favorite. This one is called "painted peonies":

We aren't ordering invites for a few more months, and a while back we picked these beautiful letterpress ones from Smock. I still melt whenever I see them!

Quite a contrast. I do love the idea of the hand-painted; it's elegant but so very different from a "typical" invite. Plus I thought it'd be perfect, since FH is an artist... so our guests would immediately make a connection there. On the other hand, the letterpress invites are undeniably beautiful and more likely to make an impression.

My fiancé, with his MFA in printmaking, has a lot to say about the invites. Like me, he really wants to send "something we can be proud of" to our guests (he came up with that on his own, I swear!), and I love that he's so involved. So, the final decision will (mostly!) be up to him. We'll see!

Dress Developments V: My dress! (almost)

2009-08-22T08:55:00.013-05:00

Well, I promised you a sketch! If you've been reading my blog (ha!), a while back I posted about my dress inspirations. At the time, I was choosing between an ethereal, organza-y outdoor looking dress, or a classically styled gown.

Since we've gone for the indoor wedding in a chic (to me, at least) downtown club, the classically styled gown seems best! And honestly, I'm excited about it. I'm a classic girl, and the organza thing is great (I don't know if I can let that outdoor wedding dream go), but I have always drooled over beautifully styled ballgowns, so I'm happy with that!

In my last dress post, I mentioned having several inspiration pictures to show the seamstress. I had an idea in my head how these would be combined, but hadn't fleshed it out yet. Stylistically, my favorite designers are Priscilla of Boston/Melissa Sweet, Suzanne Neville, and Lea Ann Belter. No matter what direction my search went, I kept being drawn to their dresses over and over again.

Once I studied dress shapes & took a serious look at my body type, I began to go towards dresses I knew could look good on me.

My favorites included this Priscilla of Boston 4119...

I know that I like to wear wrap-style dresses, and I liked this one by Suzanne Neville... especially the way the fabric looks.

And, two "left field" picks: I love the way this Melissa Sweet dress sparkles (also, this dress cemented for me how I want to wear my veil)... click the video to see the sparkles in action!

And I love the crisp, clean look of Lea-Ann Belter. I especially love her for the way she uses fabric, particularly silk dupioni (I'm going to do a whole separate post on fabric one of these days!).

But none of these would work as-is. I need a modified neckline, and a dropped waist that's a little higher than what's pictured here.

Truthfully, I was hoping a designer/seamstress could look at me, look at my pictures, and put something together. I guess that's a little much to ask. After all, most of us don't look like bridal models and it's the rare seamstress that can visualize things that well!

And I couldn't, either, until this dress came out (from Mori Lee's new plus size line):

Finally, a form-fitting dress on a model that looks... well, she looks beautiful! But she also looks a little like me. My mom pointed out that I have a similar body type to this lady, and I like the overall shape of the dress. That was the push I needed, and I finally created a sketch.

Are you ready for the unveiling? Here it is...

It has the asymmetrical bodice/skirt like the Priscilla of Boston, the wrap-style top of the Suzanne Neville, the neckline of the Mori Lee. For fabric, I was inspired by Lea Ann Belter, so I plan to use silk dupioni, and of course, I plan to add sparkle. I found some beaded lace that is almost identical to that used in the Melissa Sweet dress.

I may end up changing the fabric, but that's a long way off (and with everything I've learned about fabric, it deserves its own separate post).

In the meantime, there it is... I think it's my dress!

*Updated: Originally I forgot to post the back of the dress. It's there now.

Wedding Wednesday: Donna & Eric

2009-08-19T22:35:00.006-05:00

Donna is much braver than I am, as her wedding to Eric features two things I just said I wouldn't do: an outdoor wedding in July (!), and bright colors! Both of them work to great effect in her Maryland wedding earlier this summer.

Here are some gorgeous shots (by The Regetis) of the bride & groom looking absolutely beautiful. Standouts for me are Donna's dress and especially her makeup - it's beautifully done and matches the color scheme!

Years ago, I had a dream of my own wedding and the flowers were in these colors:

I see lots of brides using the "wedding wands" or some variation thereof. I imagine they're a great alternative to throwing rose petals or rice (no cleanup!) and if you have them in bright colors, they photograph very nicely!

Love those juicy colors! See more of them at Style Me Pretty. Congratulations to Donna & Eric!

Flowers!

2009-08-17T09:41:00.001-05:00

After my traumatic dress experience, it might be nice to focus on something other than fashion. I realize that I haven't written much about my favorite floral arrangements!

I've really been drawn to flowers that are kind of in a neutral palette, since that goes with our venue pretty well. I love pink, but don't like hot pink or "baby" pink. We'll see what we end up with... but so far, here are my favorites.

I love the idea of tying little bouquets to the aisle chairs. Originally I was set on having rose petals on the floor, but I think this might be more elegant... and easier for our venue to clean up! Plus, they look great with the chiavari chairs! Ours are gold, like the ones pictured below: (Photo by Stephen Karlisch).

For the tables, I love this neutral one. I imagine we'd add a little more pink, but in general this is the style I like: (photo by Cherie Photo)

And of course, what's more important than the bride's bouquet? I personally don't believe in having too much contrast in the bridal attire; I think it would be nice to have one seamless look. That said, I love these monochromatic textured bouquets, like this one: (photo by Stephen Karlisch)

So far, those are my favorites. Who knows, I might channel some other style in a month and change it all! But these are the looks that make me melt.

And finally, I don't know what I'd do with this, but I sure love looking at it:

Dress Developments IV: The Seamstress & The Sketch

2009-08-16T17:46:00.006-05:00

Just before the last disastrous meeting with a seamstress, there was another! That's right, two bad meetings in a week. But something good came of it.

I found this seamstress by looking up a local fabric store that professed to house dressmakers. I called them up and they were nice enough, and gave me the phone numbers of some seamstresses. Two of the three numbers they gave me were no longer in service, so I scheduled a meeting with "Mary."

I brought several pictures to show what I was looking for. As I talked about my dress, she kept trying to steer me away from what I described and toward a dress that would be easier to make. I started to worry that what I had in mind wouldn't actually happen, and that I wasn't describing it clearly enough.

We looked at the fabric store to see what they had. I have a fabric picked out, and the store only had a few versions of it. I also wanted to add some beaded lace, but I would have to buy it elsewhere and smuggle it in, as the store only had a few dated, unattractive examples.

In general, Mary was very sweet and nice, and very interested in me & my dress. She reminded me of the stereotypical grandmother that's been altering wedding dresses for many years. When I mentioned that I could email her some photos later, she told me that she has no email. She also let me know that she is extremely conservative.

She was shocked that I, a plus size, did not plan to cover my arms. She was also surprised that I am not getting married in a church. And you should have seen her face upon learning that I do not plan to wear a veil over my face! Luckily, I didn't let it slip that I plan to walk unescorted down the aisle; she might have popped her top!

And there's another thing. While Mary was taking my measurements, it was obvious she had no idea how to deal with me, at one point exclaiming, "You're such a big girl!"

Right.

So a few days later, I called Mary to let her know I wouldn't be getting the dress made after all, and thanked her for her time (she knew in advance that this was an "interview" of sorts, so there were no surprises there). I'd absolutely recommend her if you only want alterations. As far as creating a pattern from scratch, though, I was a little concerned.

From this meeting, I learned that (a) the dressmaking process is a potentially intimate one, and you should really like your dressmaker. Mary's ultra conservative views and especially her "you're so big!" comment rang in my head for days, and I didn't want to feel like that at every dress fitting; (b) I really needed to be more explicit about what I wanted.

That second one stuck with me, and as soon as I got home I started thinking about my own dress design. That's right! I designed my dress!

Wedding Wednesday is back!

2009-08-12T21:13:00.012-05:00

Wedding Wednesday has been on hiatus for a while, but it's back! These aren't always easy to find, but the annual high wedding season has given me a much greater pool to draw from and has made things easier.

As many readers know, I love to use Wedding Wednesday as an excuse to show off the many beautiful weddings held by minorities and other underrepresented people. Brides of all colors, shapes & sizes are just as beautiful as anything you'd see in a magazine!

This week's return is one of the best we have ever featured. And, it's local! Jennifer & Jeffrey were married last month at SMU's Perkins Chapel. Perfect floral arrangements, a beautiful dress, and of course, a happy couple combined to make this great celebration. Photographed by the wonderful Kevin Jairaj.

It all started with a perfect Kleinfeld dress...

And some other wonderful details.

Even more details. And check this out -- when was the last time you saw a professional bridal photo of "the broom"? (Click the photo to view it large.) Awesome!

I especially love the flowers. I should -- they're done by our florist! I think I'm going to ask him to decorate our broom like Jennifer & Jeff's!

The happy couple (and "the broom" in action again!)

These ladies look awesome. I keep hearing Beyoncé's "Diva" in my head -- and I mean that in a good way!

They are one seriously hot couple.

And this last one is their re-enactment of the Obama wedding photo. (Click it to view large). I love this idea!

Congratulations, Jennifer & Jeff!

Head on over to their original post to see more and get all the Dallas vendor details!

Everyone's Money Is Not the Same Color

2009-08-08T22:48:00.004-05:00

I usually try to keep things lighthearted here on PinkBroom. But of course, wedding planning isn't just about "wedding planning"... it's about the experience of being engaged, the transformative process, about the things you learn and the people you encounter along the way. I love being engaged, but it isn’t without its difficulties. Unfortunately, the planning process has been marred by the issues I’ve experienced with some wedding vendors.

I’ve run into several vendors or bridal industry associates who subscribe to at least one of the following: (a) people will, consciously or not, steer you toward the type of wedding they think you should have; (b) a wedding is considered by many to be a reflection of class, or of your "station;" (c) high fashion is available only to the thin, the white, and the elite; and (d) the great Bridal Industry fallacy that black women don't get married and when we do, we're to be completely ignored.

All four of these showed themselves in my appointment at the dressmaker's today. I was initially very excited, because this particular lady is one of the best in Dallas. She's known for doing impeccable work. She can copy a dress from a picture; she can rebuild a dress your seamstress butchered; she can modify, change, or adapt anything. Maybe this could be it!

But it was not to be. After meeting the shop owner (also the dressmaker in question) and watching her smile fade upon seeing me, it was obvious that she didn’t want to work with me. Several judgmental minutes passed, where she immediately spat her astronomical prices at me (I didn’t flinch – I’d done my homework and knew how much she cost), and was unbelievably brusque and dismissive.

Despite my obvious knowledge of fabric and the sewing process, she continued to be rude and generally remind me at every turn that I don’t know anything. By the end of the appointment, she was suggesting that I just wear polyester and ushered me out the door – but not before increasing her quote by ten percent.

Most people looking at our interaction from the outside wouldn't detect anything but a slight rudeness. But others might be perceptive enough to know better. It didn’t matter how well dressed I was, how articulate or knowledgeable. This woman sized me up, made an assessment, and acted on it. Judging me based on my appearance, rather than on my character or personality? That’s the very definition of prejudice!

The worst type of discrimination is the kind that is subconscious, and if I went back to the shop and spoke to her about it, she'd most likely deny it and be genuinely aghast at any insinuation of unfair treatment. But as a black woman who's dealt with these issues my whole life, I know differently.

From her clientele, it's obvious that she does word-of-mouth business for Dallas's most elite families. The shop is in a very nice area of town, one where there isn't much economic or racial diversity. But I'm not trying to be a member of some in-crowd. I went there because I was naïve enough to want a dress made by one of the best, and to believe that I might be able to have it –with good customer service!— regardless of race or class.

When I meet wedding vendors, I realize that a mutual assessment is taking place. I know I don’t look like the typical Dallas bride: I don’t have my mother with me, I’m not thin, I’m not white, and I’m not particularly young. But I’m always on time to appointments, well-dressed, and articulate about what I am looking for in each aspect of the wedding. And it never seems to be enough.

I’ve run into this in varying degrees at several high end vendors in Dallas: the curious looks, the “What are you doing here?” stares from vendors and their other customers. But never has it been as pronounced as it was today.

Today’s incident is a reflection that the bridal industry is one of the most blatantly discriminatory outfits there is, and that this discrimination adds to its appeal. I think that the bridal industry is so focused on the wedding day as a statement of class and societal position that the idea of a wedding representing a marriage, the idea that every bride deserves to look beautiful on her wedding day, is lost.

As angry as I am at this woman, as hurt as I am personally by her dismissal, I am even angrier at what this represents. I am furious at the idea that someone else can take one look at me and “decide” where I belong. I am angry that people would judge the validity of my marriage based on what type of wedding I might have. I am livid that there are people around who feel it is their job to put me in my “place,” and I am even more upset that someone might willingly reject my business to keep their other prejudiced clients happy. We now have a black man as President and a Latina as a Supreme Court justice. Why is there anyone in the world who still thinks I should be in a “place”?

*The title of the post comes from a favorite saying of great grandmother's, who encountered economically-based racism and would often say, "My money's just as green as anyone else's!"

Dress Developments pt. III: The Decision to Customize

2009-08-04T18:03:00.005-05:00

So after seeing all these dresses, and having a reality check about the size I am, and another humiliating bridal salon experience, I've decided to go custom with my dress. Why? Well, I just can't find exactly what I want in my size at a reasonable price.

Most mass-market plus sized dresses are cheaply made and variations on the same three silhouettes. (I wear a size 26 which means a 28/30 in bridal sizes, and most lines stop at 24). The dresses I love, beautiful silk things by designers like Priscilla of Boston, Melissa Sweet, or Anne Barge, aren't available. There are very few high-end plus size lines I can think of, and the only one off the top of my head, Kirstie Kelly Couture (for Disney), are between $3,000 and $5,000. Not to mention there are only five dresses to choose from. FIVE!

So here we are. Some other pros & cons:

Pros:
- I'll have the exact design I want and the assurance my dress isn't like a million others
- No upcharges for a larger size and/or extensive fittings
- Higher quality, personally made (as opposed to a mass-produced plus sized thing)

Cons:
- Not knowing *exactly* what the finished product will look like
- Not being able to try it on beforehand
- It might be difficult to find a good dressmaker

I'm not going to spend much less on my custom dress than on a mass-produced dress. However, considering that the dress will be of a high quality fabric and handmade, I will be spending much less than if I got a high quality, handmade dress from a top tier designer (Vera, Priscilla, et. al.).

There are many "custom" dressmakers overseas that will make a dress, but I haven't seen too much good luck with this unless you're willing to (a) spend as much on alterations as on your dress and (b) speak Chinese.

If you're interested in custom dressmaking, these resources helped with my decision.
Offbeat Bride: Dress Advice for Plus Sized Brides; and Everything You Need to Know About Having Your Dress Custom Made.

From the Best Destination Weddings forum: Custom Made Dress in Progress. This one is particularly significant because I haven't often seen the dress making process so nicely chronicled, plus sized person or not. Lisa is going to be a very beautiful bride!

I had an awful time finding custom dressmakers in the Dallas area, so here's what I found, all in one spot:

- Fabrique Fabrics (Richardson): They have an in-house sketch artist who will design your dress, then they'll set you up with a dressmaker to have it made. I'll just add that their website is one of the most informative I've seen, and got me excited about picking out my own wedding dress fabric!
- Richard Brooks Fabrics (Dallas). Also houses famous designer Michael Faircloth, but you can call them to set up an interview with any of their in house dress designers who are markedly less expensive. You need to call the store; all the numbers listed on their website for "dressmakers" are invalid or no longer working.
- Bea Harper at The Fitting Room (Dallas).
- Nicolas Villalba of Nicolas Designs.
- Shemara Couture; does interesting designs; I would call them Eastern Fusion designs but I'm not sure if that's the proper term.

Wish me luck! This week, I start interviewing dressmakers in the area. I'm very nervous: this process can be more trouble than it's worth if I end up with the wrong person!

Moving Day, and other lessons

2009-07-27T13:41:00.006-05:00

I've neglected this blog terribly, but I have a happy reason: I've just moved in with my fiancé! All the packing, moving, labeling and hauling take up an awful lot of time & energy.

I'll admit, it's quite an adjustment for me. I'm used to having my own space & my own stuff. After all, I've been on my own for almost half my life! My fiancé has been married before and is much more relaxed about the transition.

In addition, we now have four cats. FH has three, and I have one little cat. They are adjusting MUCH better than we thought they would. My cat, despite being a scaredy cat her entire life, is excited and very interested in her new brothers & sister. She wants to play with them! FH's cats aren't quite there yet.

But the hardest lesson for me was totally unexpected. In the process of packing & moving, I've aggravated a back injury. Over the past year I've had some increasing back pain & general weakness. I always shrugged it off, but the pain has made it impossible.

I'm not totally incapacitated, but moving, bending, lifting & unpacking are totally out of the question for me, for at least another few weeks. Not to mention I feel like I've been hit by a car... AGAIN. This means my poor FH is doing ALL the work. Normally, I'm the type to have everything unpacked into a new place within days. Not this time! I'm forced to be patient, because there's no way I can rearrange anything now.

I'm forced to depend on my fiancé for so many things I would prefer to do by myself, and he's been wonderful about it. My doctor says I should be grateful for not having to do too much... apparently it's usually the other way around, right? But suddenly when I'm forced to quit doing stuff, it's not nearly as much fun as it should be.

I'm inclined to believe this is an early lesson on give & take in a marriage. I just wish it came with less pain!

Holy Moly!

2009-07-17T20:27:00.002-05:00

Ta-da! We have a venue! We now have an *official* wedding date!

We've been engaged for several months now, and it's so nice to feel like we've done something. Now, it's time for me to get started on... everything else. Oh, no...

Well, that didn't last long, did it? But it's great to finally have a place in mind and start creating a vision for the wedding.

We didn't go with the "loft" place, but we did end up with a place that wasn't a "typical Ballroom," either. It's got some traditional elements but has a modern sort of decor, and the room is beautiful - full of windows for lots of light.

Also, the price was excellent! I was starting to panic at the idea of having to provide all the extra decor and supplies for the loft wedding. We'd even have to buy napkins & silverware (cheaper than renting), and the idea of buying/renting things and then having to worry about setting everything up... no, thank you. I feel very peaceful about our choice!

Safety First

2009-07-10T13:58:00.004-05:00

An uncomfortable issue, for sure, but one worth talking about: wedding insurance.

The quickest way to get me to have a panic attack is to show me the wedding budget, and compare it to what's actually in our accounts. Sure, we have plans to save up (a whole schedule, in fact), and we aren't going into debt for our wedding (hooray!), and we have it all planned out. But you know what they say - God laughs when you make plans!

So, now that we're about to put down some hefty deposits (therefore committing to pay large amounts), we hope God is not laughing too hard. I'm thinking about wedding insurance.

I first found the idea from our interest in the loft/standalone venues, which require liability insurance. But I started looking into cancelation/postponement insurance. I've heard so many horror stories -- family tragedies, injuries, accidents, freak tornadoes, job losses, etc... I just hate thinking about it! And on top of that, people are forced to cancel and lose their money?! Most of the time in these situations, it's up to the sympathy of the vendor whether you get your money back or can use it towards a postponement. I thought it would be worth it to buy a little peace of mind.

Photo by Marie Labbancz.

Wedding Wednesday: Video

2009-07-08T22:43:00.003-05:00

My fiancé thinks it's funny how, every time I see a well done wedding video, I want to burst into tears! I've gotten a little tired of the usual wedding inspiration (too many outdoor weddings! When will the wedding blogs start featuring something else??) and wanted to watch some videos. These are great for putting things into perspective and focusing on what's really important -- the emotion of the day! And yes, I cry every time I see these! Here are some favorites from Still Motion.

link + ngoc's sde // san jose california from StillMotion on Vimeo.

Lisa + Jeff's SDE from StillMotion on Vimeo.

One Year to Go!

2009-07-06T14:07:00.007-05:00

My fiancé sweetly pointed out that our "one-year" date is coming up pretty soon! I am *so lucky* to have a guy who's so unabashedly excited that we're going to get married. And I'm thrilled, too! But oh, wow... a year! I've already been engaged for six months. What have I done?

We've created our:
- budget,
- guest list,
- wedding website,
- store registries,
- timeline
We have chosen the following vendors (we haven't booked them yet):
- Invitations
- Florist
- DJ
- photographer
- hair/makeup artist
- wedding planner
And we've selected a honeymoon destination.

The last vendors to select: a cake baker, an officiant, and musicians (ceremony & cocktail hour).

What's holding us up? Well, we're currently working on the most important vendor of all: a venue! Once we find that, we'll be able to book the other vendors in no time! I won't even choose a dress until we have the venue in place.

In the meantime, I'm packing up to move to my fiancé's house, preparing for an upcoming photoshoot, and hanging out with my friends & enjoying my days off!

One year to go!

I never thought I'd...

2009-07-01T20:38:00.005-05:00

When I started out with this whole wedding planning thing, there are some things I didn't allow myself to dream about. I spent today's wedding planning session actively considering two of them: professional lighting and videography.

I grew up looking at my mom's wedding pictures, and ever since I was little, I always marveled at how beautiful she looked and how young she was. My mom looks great at any age, but she just looked so bridal. It's amazing! The photos are even more important now since my father passed away.

It sounds far reaching, but often when I think of my wedding I think of how it will look in 30 years, when my husband & I can barely remember trying to choose a dress or a venue or a shade of pink, when our kids are grown and showing these photos to our grandchildren. "Look at those weird clothes!" the kids will say. "Look how young they look!" And we will look at each other and wonder how on earth we were ever so young! And look how naïve we were, taking those vows! So optimistic! So unblemished!

Thinking of my wedding in these terms makes me acutely aware of the moments we're creating, and how fleeting they are. So of course, I'm in the perfect position to be suckered by a Super8 video.

This one seems particularly poignant; I can imagine them treasuring for years the sound of their voices as they take their vows and then walk back down the aisle. They sound so young! Their choice of song is especially effective.

I don't know that I can work this into my budget, which makes me a little sad. I do plan to put together a musical slideshow of my favorite wedding photos. Will it have the same effect? Hm.

Putting Planning into Perspective

2009-06-28T21:53:00.002-05:00

This weekend I came across two articles that help me put wedding planning into perspective.

Which shade of pink? Which venue? How to arrange the tables? What about my dress? None of this matters nearly as much as the marriage itself.

This week's NYT wedding features Jennifer & Paul, who joined their families together in a lovely ceremony this week in Sacramento, CA. The article and its accompanying sidebar are worth a read.

What was I thinking?!

2009-06-21T12:32:00.001-05:00

Well, my outdoor wedding dreams have been put to rest.

This past weekend, we went to the historical site, the site of the photo in the previous post, and it was a let down. The buildings are run down, the fee is outrageous for what you get (and you have to PAY for air conditioning), the parking & restrooms are far away (a big inconvenience for guests, many of whom are elderly) and it's just not going to work.

And also? It's SO HOT!! It feels like it's 200 degrees outside. What was I thinking, hoping for a sunset ceremony in Texas in July? I can't stand the heat for 5 minutes! And I want to wear a wedding dress and get married in it? No, thank you! I guess I've been reading too much Martha Stewart.

On the way from that place, we stopped by a very cool loft south of downtown. The director was there setting up for a wedding, and I felt terrible for interrupting! But she was gracious enough to spend a few minutes with us and give us a tour. How nice! It looks so interesting:

It's a pretty cool venue, and has an advantage over most lofts in that they provide lounge furniture, tables, chairs, and set-up. We have the other advantage of choosing our own caterer and getting to buy our own drinks. The Fiancé loves it and was ready to book!

But I am not so sure. A loft certainly seems to fit us. We're a pretty eclectic couple, we plan to have international music at our wedding. We love travel & culture. We watch international & independent films. Our favorite store is Anthropologie. There are so many ways we are not "mainstream." So there are definitely aspects of us that match a "cool loft" wedding.

So why is the decision so hard? Well, I am having a hard time letting go of that classic pink ballroom wedding aesthetic. I mean, it's so easy! Light pink is everywhere! Pink ballroom weddings are ubiquitous, and I see hundreds of them every day. It's easy to find a classic A-line romantic dress, perfectly pink swirly invitations, and lots of other traditional details. Not to mention it's the wedding I've pictured since I was much younger.

All this time I've been loudly decrying the sameness of these cookie-cutter weddings, and now I find that underneath it all, I want one of my own, even if it doesn't quite match us.

Should a wedding reflect your personal style, or should it be a reflection of what you aspire to? The latter seems absurd, especially since no matter how you "style" it, an American wedding is at once timeless, ritualistic, and yet hopelessly dated.

Stay tuned! I bet when you started reading this blog you didn't know I'd turn out to be so wildly inconsistent!

Wedding Wednesday: Outdoor Goodness

2009-06-17T17:09:00.011-05:00

When I saw Jessica & Zach's engagement portraits, I knew I wanted to blog their wedding -- and here it is, photographed beautifully by the incomparable Sarah K. Chen. There are so many details I love about this wedding, especially now that I'm considering an outdoor affair myself (see previous post). Also, my fiancé & I are also an interracial couple and I can't help but admit a little bias!

Check out the beautiful bride:

Do you recognize her dress? It's Melissa Sweet's Dora. I love those little polka dots... it just adds to the very sweet theme of this wedding.

Here's the stunning indoor & outdoor setting.

The little details were great and so thoughtful. I've been thinking of doing this flower/placesetting thing...

And of course, no matter how sweet the little details are, you have to let loose at a wedding! Every couple needs someone to take the lead & keep people moving on the dance floor!

I wasn't considering offering sweets at the end of the night, but shots like these make me think twice. Or maybe I'm just really craving chocolate right now...

Congratulations to Jessica & Zach!

One door closes...

2009-06-16T12:22:00.003-05:00

So, our chosen venue has fallen by the wayside.

David & I originally envisioned a lovely, outdoor/indoor wedding (outdoor ceremony at sunset + indoor respite from the heat), somehow natural & glamorous at the same time. But I couldn't find too many outdoor/indoor venues, and the one I thought was the most beautiful is way too expensive ($9,000 minimum--for a weeknight!).

So we settled, and found a nice new ballroom just south of the city. They hadn't done too many weddings yet, but it was a great looking space and we certainly would have been happy.

Until it was time for the contract. This place has an incredibly vague contract which doesn't spell out ANYTHING. What time is the event? Will the staff help set up, and how far in advance? When can my vendors come in? What is included in the price? Believe it or not, all of this was left out of the contract and when we asked questions, we were rebuffed or told, "What do you mean? It's in the contract!" Unfortunately, I think the nice girl that worked there just doesn't understand contracts well, or didn't understand why we'd want these things spelled out.

Then there was the food. We went to a tasting there, and didn't like it. We realized we had a problem when we started joking about making sure the guests didn't get food poisoning at our wedding. So we've started looking again!

And, since we were given an opportunity, I decided to go back to the very beginning of wedding planning, when we came up with our indoor/outdoor summer wedding vision, and decided to look hard to find it. In the meantime, I came up with a picture that we love and find inspiring:

Of course, I don't want to get married in a stable (unless it's a particularly beautiful one), but I do love the idea of something glamorous in a rustic setting. I told my fiancé that this seems like the perfect combination of us -- he loves the outdoors ("being in the dirt," I call it) and I love things that are glamorous and pretty and maybe even a little sparkly. He liked this and so do I, and it feels like "us."

I went to the website of the above stable to see if they actually had any places onsite to host a wedding. I never got an answer, but if I ever get the courage to try horseback riding, maybe I'd have a chance to visit. It's a beautiful facility! The magazine article also featured this picture:

I certainly like the first table setting better, but this certainly looks like a nice indoor/outdoor setting, with the old building in the background. A little digging around showed that this is the church at Old City Park. And yes, they do have weddings! They have a lawn for the wedding and a nice pavilion for the reception. Could this be the facility for us?

For more inspiration, I found this beautiful California barn wedding that wonderfully embodies this "rustic glam" idea. I hate design clichés, but this one really seems to describe us.

There's even more indoor/outdoor wedding inspiration in this week's Wedding Wednesday post...

Push Me, Pull You

2009-06-12T18:09:00.004-05:00

I've been a little agitated because negotiations with our intended venue seem to be a bust. Each time we talk with them, we end up with more questions than answers. We love this place and want to make it work for us.

So I jumped online to look at some backup options (being prepared to walk away, whether you state it or not, is always a good bargaining chip) and found some great ideas, and then got sidetracked by--what else?--wedding photography.

I remembered what I always promised I'd do while planning my wedding, and that is to focus on what the wedding is all about. As long as our guests are happy, and we're happy, and there's good music, good food, and good photography, what else matters? It could be in a barn or in the rain and as long as we have these things, it will be a wonderful & memorable wedding.

Here is the shot that helped me remember that (taken while the bride says good-night to her mom):

How Sweet...

2009-06-12T18:02:00.006-05:00

How sweet is this engagement shoot from photographer Jonathan Canlas?

Wedding Wednesday: Carmen & Cory

2009-06-11T18:23:00.003-05:00

Carmen & Cory are a beautiful couple who had a fun & creative wedding last summer. They incorporated bright colors and hats into the wedding, and it appears a great time was had by all. The setting is particularly beautiful.

But the image from this wedding that stayed with me, months after I first saw it, is this one of the beautiful, confident bride dancing with her husband:

I think this image speaks for itself, but you can see more at the Orange Girl Photographs blog, and at the Bride's Café.

Bridal Industry vs. Intelligent Thought

2009-06-08T09:20:00.003-05:00

I'm sure lots of us have conflicting feelings about our desire to stay sane while simultaneously participating in an *insane* Wedding Industrial Complex. The Secret Sociologist offers her thoughts on this in her post, "A Sucker for the Bridal Industry."

Of her love for Bridezillas, she writes:

This show is particularly awful; it perpetuates horrible stereotypes, most notably the White Trash stereotype, but also the “Oh No She Di-in’t” Angry Black Woman stereotype and, new for this season, the fiery hot-Latina stereotype. It’s particularly cruel. And still, I watch. The women are abusive and mean — and fascinating. Most of the time, I turn the show off in the middle because it’s so awful. But I still patronize it. Horrible!

What does it say about women when we buy into the Bridal Industry? Are we all, no matter how intelligent & thoughtful, susceptible to the Wedding Industrial Complex? And, why, much to the chagrin of the feminists, do we treat marriage as an exclusive club to which we have FINALLY gained admission?

What is he thinking?

2009-06-04T21:50:00.003-05:00

For all of you wondering what your father is thinking about during this wedding planning process, look no further than Poor Wedding Dad. My own father passed away nearly 10 years ago, and I still miss him (and Father's Day is coming up!). Still, I love to listen to/hear these different perspectives. Click over to Poor Wedding Dad, relax and have a laugh or two!

Wedding Wednesday: Denise & Philip

2009-06-03T22:13:00.005-05:00

This week's Wedding Wednesday features Denise & Philip, photographed beautifully by Jaxon Photography. Since I'm in a dress-shopping phase of my wedding, I'd love to point out Denise's beautiful, modest, semi-strapless dress. Denise's dress shows that a bride can be beautiful & sexy without a super-low neckline!

Best wishes to Denise & Philip! See more beautiful images at Jaxon's blog.

Dress Developments pt. II: So Sweet

2009-06-01T20:08:00.000-05:00

In my last post on the subject, I mentioned being frustrated that getting a dress in my size wouldn't be as simple as I'd originally thought. What illuminated this for me was the cost-benefit ratio; with the extra fees, I'd be paying for something that was *almost* like what I wanted, but not quite. And what's the point of that?

So I finally called this designer shop that makes dresses, one-of-a-kind and designed from scratch. Apparently you meet with the designer, get measured, and she sketches three selections for you. Once you choose one, they make the pattern, you try on a muslin mock-up, then they make the dress! And that's it!

With this particular designer, dresses start at less than $2k, and go up from there depending on what you want. No extra charges for a plus size. And, most important, she sounded incredibly competent and helpful when I spoke with her by phone. A custom dress, reasonably affordable--what a great opportunity!

At this, I went back to the drawing board. No longer was I limited to looking at dresses purely for shape or "ease of use," I could look at anything that inspired me. It only took me about 5 minutes to find my dream dress, as I went back to a designer I'd loved early on but dismissed because I "can't wear" her dresses: Melissa Sweet.

I already love the organza look, and I mostly love the sense of movement the fabric creates. So here is the dress I love (I encourage you to click the link so you can see the movement of the dress):

I love the spirit of this dress. This is the first time I looked at a dress and could actually picture myself getting married in it. I love its sophistication, its subtle sparkle, and of course, the fabric. If this were my "inspiration," I would modify the dress to replace the strapless neckline with a v-neck, and adjust the shape to be a modified A-line instead of a mermaid. It is really the unconventional embroidery & organza that make this dress what it is.

But honestly, I'm open to other ideas. I love ALL the dresses from Melissa Sweet, and if I had the body and the cash, I'd be thrilled to wear any of them. My other favorites:

This next one deviates from my "classic shape" idea, but it's *so* interesting and artistic, I can't resist!

This custom dress thing isn't like those ubiquitous Chinese shops, where you can show them something and say, "Design this!" I think it would be kind of insulting to dictate another designer's vision, but it's nice to know for sure what my inspiration is, so I will have something to show the design lady.

Do you have a designer whose vision inspires you?

Wedding Wednesday... whoops!

2009-05-27T17:38:00.000-05:00

Is it Wednesday already? This last week of May is always the busiest of the year for me! I'm a teacher and anxiously awaiting the start of summer vacation (next week), when Wedding Wednesday will return!

Dress Distress!

2009-05-24T09:07:00.005-05:00

I've been dreading the "bridal shopping experience." I know plus sized brides don't have many options, and I've heard all the horror stories of salesladies being mean to us. But I still deserve a nice dress, right? So in a burst of courageousness, I made an appointment at a bridal shop.

This was a consignment shop, so they had used dresses that could be purchased off the rack. There's very little help from the salesladies and you can go through the racks by yourself to see if there's something you like. I didn't expect to find "the dress" here, but thought the consignment shop experience would be less harrowing than the full-on "bridal salon" nightmare, especially for a first time.

They only had three dresses in my size, which I expected. So I tried on the first dress. It was a strapless, beaded satin thing. I know I don't want strapless, but I want to try on *everything* before I decide. So I happily put it on. I was surprised to see that the strapless dress seemed to highlight my face, and I realized that my shoulders aren't quite as rounded as I thought. It was nice. When I looked in the mirror, I looked "bridal." I'm not sure if it's because it was the first dress I put on, or because it looks like the archetypal "bridal" image. Hm. I still don't want a strapless, but I suppose I could wear a well-altered one, in a pinch.

The second dress was a little different. It was the same exact dress, but instead of strapless it had a sheer short-sleeved addition to the top of it. It had a sweetheart neckline, which was more flattering, but I really hated it. I hate short sleeves, and the dress looked like it was 5 years old. Besides, what's the point of wearing a non-strapless dress if you STILL have to wear a strapless bra? Decide if you want sleeves or not! What a weird dress!

There was a third dress, but it was too big and fell off my shoulders, so I couldn't see much. What I did see wasn't worth mentioning.

Here's what was so difficult. I was the only bride there by myself, and there were three other (thin) girls there with their mothers. My mom lives 2,000 miles away. So I was a little sad. Also, the saleslady kept asking the other black girl's mom what she thought of my dresses. I get this all the time--we had to repeatedly tell her we weren't there together. The saleslady seemed confused; aren't all black people friends with each other? ::::sigh::::.

The hardest part was watching the thin girls try on dress after dress, all of which looked wonderful on them. One girl, getting married in Italy, wore a beautiful St. Pucchi dress which was on sale for only $2,000. It was hard to watch; me trying on my two disgusting satin concoctions while the others had the run of the store.

I'd prepared myself for the possibility that there wouldn't be any options, and I knew it would be difficult to see the other, prettier, smaller dresses. But I guess I wasn't prepared enough! It was all I could do not to burst into tears as I drove away from the dress shop.

The bright spot in all this is that I realized that I look nice; I like what I see in the mirror, I'm happy with the size I am. I deserve a beautiful dress as much as anyone, and I'm determined to find it (in my price range!). I'm thrilled to be getting married, and it shows. I'm going to look great! But for all of my self-confidence, this is still is a little hard. The best news is that after this experience, it will surely get easier from here.

Part 2 of my "dress reality" post is coming soon, and it's a lot more positive!

Dress Developments: Reality Hits

2009-05-21T18:30:00.006-05:00

So I've been thinking a lot lately about how I want to look at my wedding, and I started doing some research. As it turns out, many of the dresses I thought were a possibility suddenly aren't.

On average, I wear a size 22/24. Lately, I'm in a 26 (I gained some "stress weight" after a horrible loss last year). In bridal dress sizes, this amounts to about a 30. It's very possible I'll go back to my average size before the wedding, but I don't know for sure, and I'm not going to put my life on hold to find out. So I'm looking for a size 30 (or 32) dress.

Most designers simply don't go up that far. I knew this, but thought I could get the dress custom sized. But then I started looking at the extra fees! For a "street size" 26, here are the bridal equivalents (this is all I've found so far):

Augusta Jones: size 30
- only some gowns
- add 45% of purchase price (?#$#@$%!!!!)

Alfred Angelo
- Every dress available up to size 32, no up-charge.

Allure bridals: size 32
- no upcharge
- hollow to hem add $50

Anjolique bridal: size 28/30/32
- ??

Bonny: size 26/28
- add $60

Casablanca: ??
- custom sizes available for extra charge.

David's Bridal: up to 26
- $100 to $150 extra for sizes 16W-26W

Demetrios: size 26/28
- add $150

Jasmine: size 28, customizable after that
- add $60

Lea Ann Belter: all dresses custom sized
- add ???
- $3000+

Saison Blanche: size 24/28
- add $40

There are only one or two designers in that list whose dresses I like. I'm sure several of the top tier designers (eg. Priscilla of Boston, etc.) will make a dress in any size you want, but I haven't looked those up, as those dresses are likely to be over $5,000.

So I'm faced with some choices here.

I could order a "regular" dress that costs $1500, and then end up paying $2500+ or so with extra fees and other Bridal Industry rip-offs -- and that doesn't even include the cost of alterations! Or, I could order a cheap dress that fits, but isn't anything like what I want to wear. Is there another option?

At this point I decided to look again at a little salon about 3 hours away that custom designs dresses. The brides on their site are thin, and their designs can be a little "out there..." would they be willing to make a simple, elegant dress for a plus sized bride? So, I called them up!

Next: part 2 of my "dress reality," and seeing the first dress that actually made me cry!

Wedding Wednesday: Oleg Cassini CD278!

2009-05-20T18:51:00.009-05:00

This blog comes up in a lot of searches for the David's Bridal CD278 dress, and I'm happy to deliver! Today I saw the wedding of Andrea & Mark on the Southern Weddings blog, and I immediately recognized Andrea's dress as the popular Oleg Cassini ballgown, dress number CD278 from David's Bridal.

Since this dress was introduced relatively recently, I have yet to see it widely photographed, and it hasn't come up in "used dress" sales yet. As far as I know, Andrea is the first bride to be photographed & published wearing this dress. And she is a stunning bride!

Check out how well the dress photographs:

Andrea & Mark's wedding was photographed beautifully by Olivia Griffin, and you can see more details from the wedding at Southern Weddings.

Wedding Wednesday: Ama & Charles

2009-05-13T18:06:00.001-05:00

This week's Wedding Wednesday features the beautiful Akan wedding of Ama & Charles, both of whom are of Ghanaian descent. I found this wedding in Southern Weddings magazine, but more images can be found on the blog of Heartistic Fotos (now known as Mandy & Me).

Of their design inspiration, the couple says: The event was largely influenced by Akan traditional marriage ceremonies, with a touch of outside-the-box creativity. We’re both of Ghanaian origin, particularly of the Akan ethnicity. According to Akan marriage customs, the man’s family has to go to the woman’s family’s home to ask her hand in marriage. The man’s family has to present gifts (pieces of traditional cloth, alcoholic beverages, etc) and pay a bribe price in exchange of the woman. This is purely symbolic and bears little resemblance to a transaction. Our invitations, napkins, and favors all bore the Akan Adinkra symbol for marriage.

I love the photographers' artistic approach to this wedding... now on to the images!

First Bridal Purchase!

2009-05-10T17:39:00.003-05:00

I drove all over the place to find the new Nordstrom Rack that was just opened, and there wasn't really anything there. I was disappointed, since it had taken me about an hour to find it (can you believe I got lost, even with a GPS!). But I did find it and on my way out, wandered over to the jewelry section. That's when I found these:

Look how pretty! I was immediately drawn to them. I love the way they catch the light and the way they move & sparkle. They even reflect the purple of the orchids behind them. Of course, I don't have a dress yet--but I do have a very clear idea of how I'd like the wedding to look, and since I have that, I'm letting my intuition guide me when it comes to the little things. How perfect!

The best part? They're only $35, marked 60% off!

Nightmare!

2009-05-07T19:48:00.004-05:00

I had my first wedding nightmare months ago, after we were first engaged and I'd just barely started wedding planning. I was already an emotional mess, feeling all kinds of happy & conflicting things as people do when faced with such a major life change!

The priority at the time was selecting a wedding venue, and I just couldn't find anything that seemed "right" for us. I was worried about finding a dress, and the budget, and all kinds of things.

So the nightmare started with the venue. Nothing was done, and I was in my (ugly) wedding dress with my mom and guests were scattered everywhere. The place had a weird red floor, and I was in my dress trying to put linen & table settings out. There were no flowers, since I'd forgotten to order them.

Then, in walks my photographer, Jessica Claire (wow, this really was a dream!). But because of all the chaos, she wasn't even shooting--she was helping us with the terrible mess. And there was a flood in the middle of all this.

Then, everyone was supposed to go upstairs for the ceremony. The venue had two floors, but no staircase! So people were upstairs and floating downstairs or falling outright.

My dress was dirty and in tatters. Everyone started to leave, and after 2 hours, there was no wedding at all. And Jessica Claire walked out (after shooting 2 photos) and said, "Wow, that was easy!" and all I could think was, "Oh no, there went $15,000!"

Unbelievable. I know nightmares are a part of the process, but I know they're not really about the wedding. They're about all the emotion & simultaneous reflection & looking forward that happens during engagement, bla bla bla... but they sure are hilarious!

The dress: Which look?

2009-05-06T19:01:00.012-05:00

I LOVE fashion. You wouldn't know it, since I'm a plus-size, but I love clothes & makeup and girly things. And I am unabashed about it! Unlike what some feminists would have us to believe, it's perfectly okay to be a Single Independent Woman and simultaneously buy into the whole "girliness" thing. I regularly toe the line between cynicism ("The Wedding industrial complex is a horrible fabrication) and a slight irrationality (pink! Oh, so pretty!).

This is especially exciting, since I decided recently to increase my wedding budget. In real life, I am a whiz at getting high quality clothes for less, usually through well-timed sales or using extra discounts or mailing list coupons, etc. But for the wedding dress, that won't be possible--as a plus size, there are hardly no "sample sale" possibilities, and most of the "pre-owned" dresses on the market are sample sizes that have been altered down to even more impossible sizes. So unless I want something from one of the Major Plus-Size Designers (David's, Alfred Angelo, Bonny) I'll have to custom order. :::sigh:::

I'm in love with two different types of dresses. Those with a beautiful, romantic, slightly ethereal feel:

And the classic ballgown look, which is more accessible (easier to find) and most likely will fit better, especially if it's a nice modified A-line and not super poofy (the first one was featured in an earlier post):

Of course, complicating things is that I refuse to wear a strapless dress, which eliminates a lot of my options (no, I don't like the "cap sleeve" Mormon-style dresses--those make my chest look even bigger!).

I haven't been able to find the "romantic/flowy" look in concert with the "non-strapless ballgown" look, so I'll most likely have to give up one or the other. We'll see what happens!

Wedding Wednesday: Zane & Judy

2009-05-06T18:21:00.012-05:00

I love looking at the beautiful photos over at project wedding. It's so great to look at the bios of married women and see how their "inspiration boards" and ideas have come together. I liked looking at Zane & Judy's wedding, which was beautiful & classic. Judy is an especially beautiful bride! Photographed by Nataly Lemus. Some of my favorite details:

Blog Discovery of the Week

2009-05-05T21:17:00.004-05:00

Well, I don't know if I'll discover a new blog every week, but it sounds good.

Being added to the list this week is Jessica of An Atlanta Bride, who describes herself thusly:

I'm an Atlanta newlywed who married Mr. Wonderful in March of 2009. When I got engaged, I immersed myself in all things wedding related to ensure that our treasured day was amazing...in every aspect. This blog was created to share all of the details, leading up to the big day, with family and friends...and anyone else who happened to come across this site looking for inspiration! Now, it also showcases how beautifully our wedding day came together.

She's in the process of posting her wedding recaps now. Check it out!

photo by Karen Nickel Photography

Been There, Done That: Brides' Advice

2009-04-30T22:23:00.004-05:00

I love that photographer Samantha Warren asks her clients to offer advice to future brides. In her column "Bride's Side," Warren has collected quotes & interviews from brides on what they'd do differently. Notable quotes:

Detail that was worth it: The placement settings were a huge hit! Female guests found their table by picking up a paper Eiffel Tower with their name on a heart at the top. The guys were thrilled with the silver, black, blue, or white matchbox cars that bore their names. They were like little boys when describing the car they received, or traded for, or even stole from a friend at their table: “I'm not a PT Cruiser, I'm a '69 GTO!” --Andrea & Cory, 2/14/09

What I wish someone had told me about getting married was that you will feel every emotion possible, from feeling overjoyed to overwhelmed, to excited to fed up! This comes from something else that I didn’t realize—that everyone has an opinion about what you should do, but if you are lucky they will help you stay true to what really is important to you. While it is very important to do what makes you happy, please do not ignore logic! --Diana & Jason, 6/20/08

Prepare for the rehearsal dinner well in advance. Giving yourself plenty of time to plan your ceremony and reception is obvious - giving yourself plenty of time to select the right gifts, wrap them and write heartfelt cards for your closest friends and family is much easier to overlook. I was 30 minutes late for our rehearsal dinner because time ran out and ended up writing all the thank you notes when we returned from the rehearsal. I would not recommend this strategy. --Stephanie & Bryan, 5/10/08

Sometimes, the best moments are ones you didn't see coming. At our wedding, we requested a specific last song that had meaning to us. In the middle of that song, all of our guests gathered around, tears flowing and there was a spontaneous, emotional group hug. Jimmy and I did not see it coming (could never have planned that) and we still get teary thinking about it; that song gives us chills now and is extra special to us. It is our favorite moment of the day. --Kristina & Jimmy, 5/24/08

Wedding Wednesday: Stephanie & Noel

2009-04-29T22:04:00.007-05:00

This week's featured wedding was beautifully photographed last September by the incomparable Susan Stripling. Stephanie & Noel's wedding is beautiful for all kinds of reasons, but I have to admit--I love this wedding for its beauty and for the photography! I can't help it, I'm a visual girl. :)

Negotiations

2009-04-28T19:12:00.000-05:00

My fiancé & I decided to book our venue, which we absolutely love. But we went to sign the contract and ran up against a few obstacles...

- The contract is an old one, and we have to write in all the new stuff. I know it's not a big deal and handwritten additions to a contract are still binding, but it bugs me anyway.
- They are really pushing for us to have an "unlimited bar package," and to me that means, "Please let us give you a bill of an undetermined amount!" I'd rather have a set allotment for drinks, but I can't figure out the logistics of this.
- There's nothing about clean-up in the contract. And, we forgot to ask about it during the meeting--oops.
- We forgot to ask if the prices are locked-in. What if the price of fish or chicken goes up, will we be charged?
- We need more time. 4 hours for ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner & dancing isn't enough.
- We thought we could rent the place for the evening, but we realized it doesn't include having the place free all day for vendor set-up. We'll now be paying for all day. (!)

I'm going to have my fiancé take care of this, because I can be kind of a hard-ass when negotiating. He, on the other hand, talks to people nicely and makes his requests seem so perfectly reasonable. A good skill to have!

Yes! More from Bershan & David's Wedding

2009-04-27T22:01:00.008-05:00

I love it when a bride takes something traditional and steps it up a little--this is certainly the case with Bershan & David's wedding! My most favorite creative element was the ceremony arbor--I've never seen anything like it. Enjoy!

I love Bershan's dress. It's not something I'd pick for myself, but without even knowing Bershan I'd say it seems to fit her personality. At the end of the night, she changed into another beautiful gown:

All photos, of course, by the amazing Justine Ungaro. Check her blog to see more of Bershan & David, and see all the movers & shakers present at their wedding!

Wedding Wednesday: Bershan & David

2009-04-22T19:27:00.010-05:00

One of the coolest things about being a bride *and* a photographer is getting a head start looking at so many beautiful wedding images. I couldn't wait to feature the recent wedding of Bershan & David, photographed by one of my favorite photographers, Justine Ungaro (also of unbride.com).

Bershan is a beautiful bride. She's wearing an *incredible* dress! The details & beading are astonishing. I love her makeup, and she & David make a lovely couple. I especially love the excitement on David's face upon seeing his bride for the first time.

Mrs. Ungaro isn't finished posting this wedding yet, so check her blog for updates. On to the images:

You're Invited

2009-04-20T17:02:00.007-05:00

Continuing with the "follow my instincts" approach to wedding planning, I believe my fiancé and I have chosen our invitations!

I've seen hundreds of invites online and spent some time with a friend last weekend looking at books. Until now, I hadn't seen any I truly loved. I don't like the trends with little strange motifs everywhere, and I certainly don't want to pay to have something "flat-printed" when it looks identical to something I could do with some creativity and my HP inkjet.

So just for fun, my fiancé and I stopped in at Paper & Chocolate, surely one of the prettiest stores in Dallas. They do wedding invites, and we spent a while looking at books. David picked a letterpress book, and voila! we found our invites. It was love at first sight! Check it out (click to see it customized many different ways):

I cannot explain how I felt to see this invitation, except to know that it was *the one*! I never even allowed myself to dream of letterpress, but David's advanced degree is in printmaking, so that gives us a great excuse. Plus, it was great to see him so excited about the process.

These invites are truly a work of art. They're printed on "ecologically sound" (I'll admit, my fiancé cares way more about this than I do) bamboo paper which is very thick and feels like cotton. When I saw this invite in person, I couldn't help but touch the paper over & over again. Of course, we'd change the colors (light pink, of course!) and perhaps the font. But we couldn't be happier.

I've only seen a few designs I even wanted to look at twice, and my mother pointed out that this invitation is similar to the few I've shown her. I didn't even realize that! There's something to be said for following your instincts!

Inspiration!

2009-04-18T19:09:00.001-05:00

I'm one of those people who loves to do research, as long as it's about a subject I like. Well, I like weddings! There are SO many books out there, but I have some favorites:

So far I have...

Michelle Rago’s Signature Weddings

Wedding Flowers by Paula Pryke

Some books I’d like…

Fête: The Wedding Experience by Jung Lee

Colin Cowie Wedding Chic

Vera Wang on Weddings

See a pattern here? I love the books that teach you how to create an event: I’d like to design a look for the wedding and work inwards from there, instead of choosing a bunch of details and trying to work outward. That could get out of control!

For “being engaged” books, so far I’m reading:

What No One Tells the Bride

The Hard Questions

52 Fights (This one reads more like a novel).

Notes on Martha Stewart's Wedding Show

2009-04-16T18:04:00.004-05:00

I was so excited to get the chance to see the Martha Stewart Show special on *weddings*! The audience was full of excited brides-to-be and each audience member got some great swag to take home. Lucky them! Here's a rundown:

Vera Wang: I haven't been an automatic fan of Vera's work, but I love her attention to detail and admire her work ethic. It's nice to hear an artist speak of her creations, and this is no exception. This year's bridal collection was inspired by ballgowns in general, but in her bid to re-invent them, says she fashioned the gowns as if they had been "tossed in the wash machine and are a little imperfect." Interesting. For more realistic ideas, she shows a beautiful "wedding-guest" dress from her Kohl's department store line ($78) and a mid-priced (at $2500!) red evening gown. Everyone in the audience gets a bottle of her latest fragrance and some of her notecards.

David Mann: He decorates a wedding "for less" with baby's breath and tulle. I am not a fan of this look for *everything*, but it is certainly creative for a few elements here & there. I do like the hanging shiny butterflies that he shows in a photo. Not sure how I'd use them.

Recently married Frédéric Fekkai discusses hair matching your dress. He & Martha agree that hair MUST be shiny, bouncy, and natural. Brides that are "laquered to death" are unnatural. No laquer, ladies! Frédéric shows some very glamorous, uncomplicated styles and describes how to pull them off yourself. He reminds brides to start thinking about hair after they've purchased a dress, so at least 6 months out from the wedding.

J'maal Buster: The Eyelash Guy. Personally, I have two words about false eyelashes: Do it! They're an easy way to add some subtle glamour to your face. People won't know *why* your eyes are suddenly so beautiful, but they can't help but stare! He introduces a great tool for putting on your false eyelashes. I'm skeptical. They should have had one of the audience brides try it.

Celebrity Bridal Q&A Panel: All the show's guests answer audience questions. The camaraderie between Vera (someone who usually appears outwardly reserved) and Darcy & Martha is nice to watch. It's obvious that weddings are their passion. Some interesting points:
- Don't sweat the small stuff. When you are stressed about some small detail, remember your husband! This is repeated ad nauseum, but it's important.
- Your guests are the most important thing on the day of your wedding--even more important than you! I like this one.

So, that's the story on this year's Spring Wedding Special on the Martha Stewart show. Of course, you can indulge yourself with obsessively perfect wedding details as often as you'd like on her wedding website.

Wedding Wednesday: Liara & Antonio

2009-04-15T19:19:00.003-05:00

This week's wedding is a private ceremony photographed by the incomparable Elizabeth Messina. I love the simplicity of this wedding, the natural setting, and the bride's beautiful hair. I saw a post on Weddingbee about natural hair, and I think this is a great example. Accessorized with a flower, Liara's hair is lovely and perfect for the occasion.

Registered at Citibank?

2009-04-14T18:09:00.005-05:00

I saw this article online and it seems like one of those alarmist "Ahh! It's a recession!" articles. Unfortunately, I don't believe that being in a recession makes it okay to flaunt the rules of etiquette and flat-out ask for money. Besides, it's a recession--your guests probably don't have any money either! How would it look if you spent $10,000 on a wedding and then asked for help buying a car?

I think of my mom and the wedding gifts she received. She still has many of them, despite the fact she was married nearly 40 years ago to my father (who has since passed away) and is now happily remarried. But still, every so often she'd pull out some appliance or piece of china and say, "This was a wedding gift from so & so." It was such a nice sentiment and I remember her tone of voice as she said it.

I have always believed that gifts are optional at a wedding. These are the things people bought in order to help you start your lives together! Their value is beyond monetary. Weddings are emotional, sentimental, family-oriented events. I believe every bride starts off knowing this, but in times like these it's easy to forget. Be nice, ladies!